The Vampire Diaries Season 8 Episode 14 – TV Review
Get that weave glue ready, bitches, and wonder no more.
Next episode (I hope).
Oh, and something about Cade? Who cares?
TL;DR Damon and Stefan (and Bonnie, I suppose) kill Cade, but Katherine is now the lord of Hell, and apparently on her way; Kai makes his final (or is it!?) appearance a jaunty, delicious one; but is thwarted; Stefan and Caroline get re-engaged; the twins aren’t really in any magical danger; I forgot Matt wasn’t in this episode until just now.
Katherine always had a wide-on for Matt, so it looks like he may live out the series, after all. Puny human.
So Kai doesn’t waste any time, and makes a deal with Cade to exchange Elena for freedom from Hell. But Cade then tasks Damon, who also recruits Stefan (because Elena), to procure the anti-Cade glass shard dagger from Kai. They do, but Stefan again raises his martyrdom flag and pledges to use the dagger to kill Cade. As Stefan, like Matt, is now a puny human, Cade curb stomps him, and then he forces Damon to choose between Stefan and Elena’s lives. Damon, nobly, sacrifices himself, but before Cade can take his soul, Bonnie shows up for a psychic tug-of-war (remember, Bonnie has her own afterlife psychic dimension these days, too). Stefan swoops in and kills Cade in the commotion, which Kai had earlier promised would mean the evaporation of Hell. But as Bonnie is closing the door to a new prison world she’s locked Kai in, he gleefully blasts her and her friends for their gullibility, and the episode closes with the best television moment of the year so far, as Kai announces that Katherine is now the ruler of Hell, and she’s ready for revenge. At long last, baby. Meanwhile, Kai, while locked up at the Armory, explains that the twins’ magical problems are just run-of-the-mill Gemini bullshit, and Alaric decides to turn the Armory into a school for witches or something. Just admit you’re going to homeschool them, ‘Ric. Geez. Meanwhile, Stefan takes Damon’s pep talks to heart, and recommits to Caroline. And Bonnie, at Enzo’s urging, begins to forgive Stefan.
After he murdered a black man right in front of her? You’re a race traitor, Bonnie Bennett.
You know, this episode has its fair share of unnecessary garbage (the twins, Alaric) and magical “because plot” inconsistencies. And Stefan’s self-flagellation is truly, ungodly, endless.
But Kai gets plenty of screentime, and the Katherine revelation had me literally giddy with excitement.
This season has been a middling whimper of a farewell for what was once the anti-Twilight sexy teen vampire drama that could. But with Kai’s divine romp, and provided they don’t drop the ball with Katherine’s return, TVD might yet go out on a high.
Why I hate this episode:
The fact that we never got to see Katherine and Kai on screen together will go down as one of the greatest travesties in history. Would it have been too much to ask for? We put up with a whole year of Heretics and mummy issues and Ginger Spice (speaking of, she’s still alive, right? Where’s her cameo?). Give us Kaitherine. Justify our suffering.
Kai’s defeat is pretty lame. Bonnie barely makes the effort to explain how she used the twins’ Gemini magic to create a new prison world to trap him in. The other times prison worlds were created took shitloads of magic and Bennett blood and all that jazz, but now a pair of unskilled three year-olds can do it? What the fuck?
The witch school thing that Alaric was talking about is an obvious, shoulder shrugging attempt to tie up Alaric’s storyline. He started out a badass vampire hunter, fucked his way through a string of cool girlfriends who either died or vanished, and then ended up a single father who shacked up with a former student out of desperation. You used to be cool, man.
Stefan, again, makes a big deal about atonement and putting his life in danger to set things right. It isn’t cute, anymore. Let this, for the love of Kai, be the last time.
I hate that the twins took up screentime that could have otherwise gone to Kai.
For an omniscient psychic Hell lord, Cade is rubbish at keeping track of the only thing that can kill him. He tasks Damon with getting the shard from Kai because Cade, like, forgot to include that as part of their deal. And then he arbitrarily forgets about it again after he stabs it into Elena’s coffin’s side and is distracted by Damon’s soul. Idiot.
Oh, and Stefan’s original plan to kill Cade is to have Alaric ring the Hell Bell to incapacitate him and then stab him. But, predictably, Stefan grandstands and wastes time, and Alaric drops what he’s doing when the twins call him because Kai has broken free of his Armory cell. For fuck’s sake, you two. Stefan: just fucking stab him; and Alaric: yeah, your kids are in danger, but when killing the Devil is at stake, maybe give Stefan an extra couple of rings or something. Christ.
But it’s not all bad:
Barring a save from Katherine, this looks like it’ll be Kai’s last episode, and he definitely makes the most of it. His first scene of the episode sees him drunkenly doing karaoke, and he’s actually pretty decent. Be still, my beating erection.
He is, sadly, captured by Stefan and Damon and locked up in the Armory. But this just gives him the chance to queen around in front of Caroline and taunt her about the twins’ magical problems. The smugness is delectable.
Kai then siphons the magic that is running through the Armory’s walls (after berating Caroline for being a bad mother, natch) and sets about stalking the halls, dragging an axe, looking for his latest child murder victims. It’s perfection.
And, for what it’s worth, TVD threw us a bone and didn’t kill him off. So that’s cool.
Cade might not be very competent at a lot of things, but he makes his death visually spectacular. After Stefan stabs him he starts glowing with hellfire, before finally exploding. It’s the kind of cheese we need. And points for setting Elena on fire, however futilely.
I’m not excited about Caroline and Stefan getting married, but I am excited about there being a wedding. The last one was explosive.
Can we finally put the twins to bed? Their magical wackiness is explained away sufficiently by Kai as typical for Geminis, so please let that be the end of it. I barely tolerated them stealing screentime from Kai. If they muscle in on Katherine, there’ll be Hell to pay.
I respect Enzo’s encouragement of Bonnie to forgive Stefan. And she does appear to be on that road following Cade’s death.
Kai pulls a “Hello, Clarice” on Caroline from his Armory cell. Exquisite.
Oh, and Kai implies that he had a bet with Katherine as to whether our heroes would fall for his suggestion of killing Cade to “destroy Hell.” I hope Katherine says that she and Kai were pals in Hell. Because they obviously would have been.