The Vampire Diaries Season 8 Episode 5 – TV Review

TVD Coming Home Was A Mistake Caroline gun

When she inevitably gets fired from her journalism job for never actually going to work, it’s an idea.

This episode shows that TVD evidently feels bad about offing Tyler so unceremoniously. So, to compensate, everyone pretends to have been super invested in him all along. Which is hilariously false.

The Tyler indignity continues.

TL;DR Tyler is given a farewell; Damon continues to run on the “save me/don’t save me” hamster wheel, eventually settling for giving in to Sybil; Hot Nanny makes her move on the twins; Matt finds the clues the gang needs to identify Hot Nanny as the second Siren (but too late, obv. It’s Matt); Bonnie harangues Enzo into turning his humanity switch back on.

At least the Bonnie/Enzo romance isn’t the most tedious thing about an episode for once. That must be nice for them.

So the major plot focuses on our heroes gathering in Mystic Falls to bury Tyler. Everyone puts on a requisitely sombre face, but meh. Damon shows up, though, and again fishes for anti-compliments, and the reassurance that everyone has truly given up on him. But, like, they haven’t. So Damon lures Stefan for some kind of whinge-fest, and I honestly gave up trying to figure out what Damon was trying to say to him (something about being too afraid to turn his humanity back on, I think?). Caroline gets the jump on Damon and she and Stefan chain him up for his own good, but Sybil, having broken out of The Armory by just smashing the glass in her cell (why didn’t she do that sooner?), frees him. Whatever. Meanwhile, Matt inherits a chest from Tyler, who inherited it from Virginia, and it contains research on the Sirens, including photos of Seline aka Hot Nanny. When Matt spots a photo of Seline on Caroline’s phone, the jig is up, but Seline has already boogied outta town with the twins. Uh oh. And Bonnie spends her episode trying to find a way to get her beloved Enzo’s humanity back. She goes with the tried and true method of setting a house on fire while they’re both trapped inside, and he flips his switch to save her. Aww.

Wouldn’t have minded watching them both burn to death, tho.

This episode really is stock standard filler. The only important development is that Seline is identified as the other Siren. Tyler’s farewell is underwhelming on all fronts; Damon’s inner turmoil is a yawn; and there wasn’t any doubt that Bonnie would find a way to break through to Enzo.

If anything, I’m surprised it only took her one episode. TVD has been called many things over the years, but “economical” has never been one of them.

 

Why I hate this episode:

But, again, economical only in that one regard. Let’s not forget the filler.

Damon is turning into such a time sink this season. I just don’t fucking care about his monster complex. Basically, Damon’s position is that he’s, like, totes afraid of going to Hell. His choices are to either be Sybil’s bitch boy and, by being on her good side, stay alive as long as possible to avoid Hell; or he could turn his humanity back on. But if he turns his humanity back on, then he’ll be even more scared of Hell or something? So that’s why he chooses Sybil? What the fuck? Damon’s entire subplot is “I’m scared of Hell, this random dimension that was only introduced this season but is now the be-all end-all. Fuck Elena, Hell is scarewy.” What?

Also, if Damon’s position is that he’s going to Hell regardless, then why stay under Sybil’s heel? Why not go spend what time there is with your family and friends if you’re going to be fucked in the end, anyway?

Seline’s plan most certainly does involve the twins. Which means we get to watch more of the two worst child actors in the world get screentime. Recast, please.

Matt finds a way to turn his grief over Tyler into a whinge at his dad about his daddy issues. Shut up.

Why didn’t Sybil escape from The Armory earlier? I suppose it’s because she wanted to wait until she could get her hands on the Hell tuning fork, too. But we’ve seen that she’s basically invulnerable, and can fucking mind control people. Be proactive, girl. I know you’re ancient, but feminism is a thing these days.

The tuning fork “torture” also comes off as pretty mild. Sybil kind of just half grimaces and shifts on her feet. Where’s the blood pouring from her ears? Where’s the screams of agony? It’s underwhelming. So it fits Sybil like a glove.

Why is Sybil continuing to be so insistent on having Damon as her servant? Again, there are plenty of vampires out there without so much baggage. Hell, if she was really keen, she could just take some of Damon’s blood, find a big, strong thug and turn him into a vampire herself. Again, honey: feminism. Get on it.

Out of all the TVD crew, the ruthless, resourceful Virginia sought help from Tyler? I lol’d. But not in a good way.

Oh, and at the end of the episode, our heroes decide to honour Tyler’s memory by partying at an abandoned carnival. It’s just weird, you guys.

 

But it’s not all bad:

I suppose I can’t disagree with that kind of reaction to Tyler’s death. It is good cause to celebrate.

And I’m glad it’s over and done with. Tyler was waiting to be snuffed out, so kudos to TVD for getting that done early. It leaves room for more important characters to die later in the season. I’m holding a candle for Bonnie.

Shockingly, Bonnie and Enzo are the least frustrating players of the episode. They’re sidelined to their own, separate subplot, and don’t get a lot of screentime. Bonnie just despairs about how the things she’s tried haven’t worked (all performed offscreen), before pragmatically skipping to her final solution of burning herself alive. And it does the trick. Cool.

Enzo makes a good callback to Damon’s Augustine betrayal as he incorrectly assumes the fire Bonnie sets is to play into Enzo’s fear of being stuck in a fire. But no, she’s making him save her life, instead.

Seline seems to be teaching the twins how to use magic. She makes them do a burial ritual on a dead goldfish, and tells them the story of Cade and how he appreciates a well-performed last rites or something. She allows the twins to magic siphon her, and instructs them to use an “incendia” incantation to set the goldfish’s funeral pyre alight.

Horny Intern’s body is also under there. For bonus points.

Seline makes a cryptic comment about how the twins keep her young. Is she going to eat them? Because I’m okay with that.

Oh, and Damon gets the best line of the episode when he takes Matt hostage at Tyler’s burial and says what we’ve all been thinking: “You know, it’s shocking you’ve managed to stay human this long.” Hell, even Camille ended up swiping her V card. Matt really is king of the puny humans.

TVD Coming Home Was A Mistake Matt Damon cemetery

You can’t spell “Matt is shit and should have died four or five seasons ago” without “Matt.”

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

5 responses to “The Vampire Diaries Season 8 Episode 5 – TV Review”

  1. starksdeductions says :

    Was I the only one who expected some bigger reaction from Caroline regarding Tyler? Like, remember how she reacted when she thought he would die in the Season 3 finale when Klaus “died”? It was heartbreaking, now she was just kind of “meh”. They’re not together anymore, but you can’t be so invested in someone and then have such an empty face when you see their body no matter how over them you are. They didn’t even break up in bad terms, they just had to.

    • ijusthateeverything says :

      We wouldn’t want anything coming between the Stefan/Caroline OTP, now, would we?

      Here’s hoping she’ll have a similarly disaffected reaction to Stefan’s death so she can then go fulfill her destiny and be Klaus’ one true love.

      I can dream.

      • starksdeductions says :

        Well, he’s not dead, but now he’s human. And unless something new comes along, he can’t go back to being a vampire, since Katherine pointed out that whenever she tries to take down some vamp blood, her body rejected it. Which means eventually he’ll die of old age, while Caroline will still be around. Guess who else is the only one left who is immortal… My guess is, after Season 8, she’ll be visiting New Orleans a bit too frequently…

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