The Vampire Diaries Season 8 Episode 3 – TV Review
Tonight, someone dies.
But it’s not any of the three central characters involved in the obviously toothless death ultimatum plot.
I do feel kind of bad for Tyler, though. Even Sarah bloody Salvatore got a whole episode for her death. All Tyler gets is a single scene?
TL;DR Tyler shows up just for Damon to kill him; Sybil makes him do it so everyone will stop trying to save him; everyone spends the episode trying to save him, and Enzo, from an arbitrary “there can be only one” setup; Bonnie gets entirely too much say in things; Caroline cares more about her impending wedding; Horny Intern gets sucked into the supernatural entanglement that is The Vampire Diaries.
Hot Nanny is losing some serious ground, here. Horny Intern could snatch the Alaric-shaped trophy, after all.
So the major plot this week is a dull time-waster of an affair: Sybil is jealous that Bonnie means so much to both Enzo and Damon, so she sets them up to fight to the death. Unless Bonnie chooses which one she would rather see live. Because an unfathomably ancient, powerful Siren from Hell itself hasn’t got anything better to do than compare vagina sizes with a former witch. Much hand-wringing ensues, with Stefan and Caroline doing their best to intervene, too. But in the end, Bonnie chooses Enzo. But then Sybil just reneges on the whole thing, anyway, and orders Damon to murder Bonnie. Luckily, Alaric has been spending his episode with Horny Intern trying to figure out what the blatantly tuning fork-looking Hell relic is. They figure out it’s a tuning fork, and Alaric arrives in time to use it against Sybil, and they lock her up in The Armory (Horny Intern stalks Alaric and sees some of this vampire shit go down, too). However, Sybil can still reach Damon to mind control him, and has him murder a back-for-the-dead Tyler in an attempt to make the other characters all give up on him. Why couldn’t it have been Matt? Meanwhile, Caroline gushes about her upcoming wedding; Stefan pisses Bonnie off because he tried to kill Enzo to ensure Damon would have lived during the fight to the death; and Sybil continues to mutilate Damon’s memories, having now made it so that he remembers Elena dying in the car crash with her parents. And replacing his ghost world memories of Bonnie.
Maybe we’ll see some flashbacks of Kai soon? That’d be nice.
I mean, let’s be honest: did they expect us, in only the third episode of the season, to believe that Enzo or Damon would actually die? Yeah, it’s the last season, so it’s on the table. But given that Damon is the de facto major character, we knew he was safe. And the unbearable way the show has been stressing the importance of the Bonnie/Enzo relationship meant he was never going to die, either.
What a wank of an episode.
Why I hate this episode:
Why on Earth was Bonnie surprised, let alone offended, that Stefan, given no other choice, would try to keep Damon alive over Enzo? What kind of contrived conflict garbage is this? This is your last hurrah, TVD. We don’t have time for Bonnie and Stefan to be mad at each other for something so lame. Fuck.
The whole ultimatum is kind of a low point for post-Elena TVD. I thought the Lily/mummy issues stuff last season, and the inconsistently powered Heretics were frustrating. Sybil’s ultimatum is so pedestrian, and the execution of the plan so obvious. Of course Stefan would try to save Damon. Of course Bonnie would try to save Enzo. Of course Sybil would double cross them all and go for a third option (of killing Bonnie). And to top it all off, nobody ends up dying because Alaric is a Big Damn Hero at the exact right moment. Of course.
Speaking of Alaric, how the fuck did he and Horny Intern not pick the Hell relic as a tuning fork straight up. I did, and I’m uncultured swine.
Speaking of Hell, what the hell, Hell? Sybil is so sure that Damon or Enzo will go to Hell when they die to suffer forever yada yada yada, but up until a couple of years ago, vampires didn’t go to Hell. They went to the Other Side. I’m a bit sketchy on my TVD lore timeline, but Sybil’s been locked up in The Armory since 1790, right? The Other Side was made by Qetsiyah two thousand years ago, and I think we’re to assume that Sybil was active at some point prior to her capture by The Armory. So wouldn’t that conflict? It would have been nice if somebody had at least mentioned it. But this is the kind of stupid shit you get when a Siren becomes your major villain all of a sudden. Who knew there would come a day when I’d long for the simplicity of an Original vampire?
Sybil’s accent is still totally off-putting.
What makes Enzo and Damon so special as minion material? I’m sure there are plenty of vampires out there who would do a satisfactory job, and don’t have as much baggage.
Why did Tyler stop when he saw Damon lying on the road? You know what this is, bro. Don’t stop.
Oh, and a big part of me is thinking Tyler’s death will be a fake out. Yawn.
But it’s not all bad:
But what if it’s not, you know? And seriously, could Matt be next, please?
Sybil might not speak too menacingly, but she’s not completely terrible at swanning around and being all pretty and fabulous. She’s no Katherine, and she’s certainly not the preening queen Kai was. But I’ll take it over a Traveller or a Heretic. You do you, baby.
Her vendetta against Bonnie also makes me smile.
Liz shows up for a line in the memory flash Sybil alters in Damon’s mind.
Caroline’s already showing Bridezilla qualities. That’s our girl.
I admire Horny Intern’s nosiness.
Oh, and Tyler actually makes a decent go at saving himself from Damon. He attacks Damon’s ego, calling him a pussy-ass bitch for allowing Sybil to dictate what he does. Sadly, and thankfully, it doesn’t work.