Scream Season 2 Episode 6 – TV Review

Someone almost gets killed this episode.

So it’s progress.

TL;DR Scream continues to drag its feet with its slashings; Audrey finally reveals her hand to Noah, who isn’t entirely trustworthy, it seems; Brooke takes matters into her own hands to weed out Jake’s killer; Emma is kind of just, like, around and stuff.

As long as she isn’t love triangling with Kieran and Eli, I’m  happy.

So the heat is on for Audrey, as Noah has her phone, complete with that little gif of her tampering with Jake’s dead body. Noah thinks he’s pretty slick, but Audrey is at her best when she’s desperate and paranoid, and poses as Ghostface to kidnap him and fake kidnap herself into a death trap (at an abandoned amusement park, natch) to draw suspicion away from herself. When it becomes apparent the real Ghostface could be lurking, she gets them out and then tells him everything: she summoned Piper to Lakewood to help make a documentary about Brandon James, with whom Audrey sympathised (outcast, loner, etc). When the slashings started, she asked Piper if it was her, and she said no. Whatever. But what Audrey doesn’t know is a conversation with Noah is also a conversation with his hidden recording device. Ooh. Meanwhile, Brooke is frustrated that Hot Teacher, who she suspects to be Jake’s killer, apparently has an alibi: he was fucking New Hot Teacher. The prophecy is fulfilled. So she ties him to a bed and threatens him, and he divulges that Jake was going to bribe him to leave town using dirty money from some deal with Mr Mayor. Ooh. She leaves him tied up, of course, which makes him an easy target for Ghostface to close out the episode. Brooke also gets closer to New New Guy, who himself shows Audrey that he’s not a macabre murder fiend: his drawings are actually a comic book, and he’s merely a sensitive artist. Who takes shirtless selfies with the Ghostface mask. And poor Emma pretends she’s still the main character by offering to tag along with Noah’s accomplice investigation. But a flat tyre and the death of feminism sideline her.

Girls can’t handle a jack or a tyre iron, silly. Now let’s forget our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry ice-cream.

Emma really is in grave danger… of turning into an Elena-level protagonist. You know, the character who is kind of the reason everyone interacts with each other, but is largely a limp bore who does a lot of waiting and complaining?

I’d be worried about Audrey finally usurping her as the final girl. But Audrey doesn’t have pretty hair, so there’s no chance of that happening.


Why I hate this episode:

You know who does have pretty hair and is actually out there getting shit done and has an emotional stake in the killings? Fucking Brooke, cunt. She should be the main character. Not milquetoast Emma and sometimes killer accomplice Audrey. The indignity!

Speaking of killings, we need some killings. This episode gets close to one when Ghostface cuts off Hot Teacher’s hand, but then they use an iron to cauterise the wound, meaning they’re going to be keeping him alive. This is a slasher show. We need some deaths, dammit.

How did Audrey plan on resolving her fake death trap without telling Noah that it was fake? Was she going to very quietly slip on her Ghostface mask and slicker and hope he didn’t notice she disappeared?

Not that having less Emma in an episode really offends me, but did it have to be a flat tyre that undid her? I was half expecting her to call roadside assist to get it changed, which would have been slightly more infuriating than what she actually does, which is call her big, strong man Kieran to do it for her. Bitch, you can operate a jack by yourself. Yes, the tyre is heavy, but after you pull it out of the boot you just roll it. Shit. Maggie should have taught her how to change a bloody tyre. Bad feminism, ladies.

New New Guy’s excuse to Audrey for his drawings is pretty lame. He wants to depict what’s happening to the people around him via the art of the tasteful graphic novel. Which doesn’t explain why he was drawing the deaths of characters who haven’t been attacked yet.

Oh, and Noah realises that, at six episodes deep, he’s barely chewed up any scenery with meta dialogue, so profusely likens his abduction to a Saw movie. Just give it up, baby.


But it’s not all bad:

Noah provides the most genuine surprise of the episode when he secretly records Audrey’s confession about bringing Piper to town. She asks him to keep it on the DL so she has a chance to tell Emma personally. But Noah’s got a podcast to promote, you know.

Kieran spends most of his time this episode fixing Emma’s tyre, but he offers an authentic slasher movie moment during Emma, Audrey, and Noah’s escape from the amusement park. They’re being chased by Ghostface, but then, once Ghostface is out of view, Kieran suddenly shows up all dumb-like. It’s the first time in a long time that Scream The TV Series has felt like Scream. Kieran needs to have a giant mobile phone drop out of his pocket next time, though.

While Noah and Audrey circle each other, and Emma stumbles after them, it’s left to Brooke to get out there and go after killer suspects. She uses her feminine wiles on New New Guy to get access to New Sheriff’s office for the file on Hot Teacher. It reveals his supposed alibi: that he was having sex with New Hot Teacher when Jake was murdered. It was destiny.

So she then plays a big game with New Hot Teacher and Hot Teacher, the end result being the refreshingly direct approach of tying Hot Teacher to a bed and slicing his face with scissors to get him to talk. And talk he does, confessing that Jake had arranged to bribe him with $10,000 to leave Lakewood and Brooke alone. And that money was supposed to come from Mr Mayor. Brooke is unimpressed all around, really.

And that job is still in motion, as Mr Mayor seems to hire Tina to complete whatever it was Jake was supposed to be doing. Cool.

I think we can rule out New New Guy as a suspect. His Ghostface mask shirtless selfies are way too silly to ever buy him as a killer now. Although, morbid narcissism isn’t always an obstacle to serial murder.

Oh, and Audrey better watch herself. It’s all fun and games stealing the spotlight by having actual character development, but what happens when you’ve played all your cards and have no new stories to tell?

Scream Jeeper Creepers Audrey grimace

And that’s coming from Noah, who looks more like a lesbian than she does.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

6 responses to “Scream Season 2 Episode 6 – TV Review”

  1. ex360 says :

    As I’ve stated before, I’m not watching (and I refuse to even attempt to) but for your review, it seems like maybe hot teacher and new hot teacher might be the two killers. If she was the one doing and healing his wound, then it would be a quick “funny” bit of dialogue during the season finale when they would be spilling all the beams and he says something like “even when she hurt me”, laughs, the victim (Emma) runs free…and whatever. Is this cancelled already?

    • ijusthateeverything says :

      From what we’ve seen of Hot Teacher, I feel like he’s too much of a slutty princess dickhead to allow his accomplice to de-hand him. But then, consistent characterisation hasn’t been this show’s strong suit.

      It’s just a real shame that they had the chance to improve the second season after such a lukewarm first season, and they haven’t. Only a fantastic final run of episodes could save it now, but I don’t trust the show enough. It’ll continue to be toothless.

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