Scream Season 2 Episode 5 – TV Review

Scream Dawn of the Dead Kieran

Wait, I’ve got a better one:
“or Justin Bieber after a testosterone injection”

Goddamn, PLL. Scream’s even pulling off filler episodes better than you, now.

Will the embarrassment never end?

Well, we’re talking about PLL. So no.

TL;DR Everyone is locked down at the school for questioning; accusations are flung; suspicious behaviour is performed; and the net result is that everyone is still a suspect, except for the ladies of the Lakewood Six.

A killer would never have facial hair as juvenile as Kieran’s, so start placing your bets on Noah now, people.

So news has broken over the body in the banner from last week, but New Sheriff locks down the high school so he can question the students. His working theory is that one of the Lakewood Six killed Jake, but his interviews don’t yield much. Meanwhile, our characters go a little stir crazy, especially when Emma discovers Jake’s phone in her bag. Kieran, having had a gun he smuggled into school discovered by New Sheriff (for self defence or some shit), rolls over on Emma, who had been planning to ditch the phone. New Sheriff doesn’t come down on her, though, which leads to a minor lynch mob attack perpetrated by Lesbait, who’s still in this show for some reason, which leads to New Hot Teacher putting Emma in an office to relax. But New Hot Teacher secretly locks her in, which sends Emma into a panic when she thinks she sees Ghostface. Naturally. Meanwhile, Audrey, still suspicious of New New Guy, summons Lesbait and her lynch mob again by exposing his gory cartoons of the Lakewood Six. His dad, New Sheriff, is unamused. He is also unamused with Maggie, who he fires from Jake’s case when she reveals details on the case to Brooke in an effort to console her. And the episode ends on a delicious high note, as Noah steals Audrey’s phone and gets his eyes on her text history with Ghostface. Including that gif of her tampering with Jake’s body in the storage locker.

A gif that Noah sent her because he’s the killer!? Now that’d be the upgrade from Randy that he could desperately use.

So yeah, unlike PLL this week which leaned all the fucking way into soap operatics to pad out its season, Scream uses the mystery arc to inform the soap operatics. So that even though nothing was really achieved, at least the episode didn’t make it so offensively obvious that it was empty.


Why I hate this episode:

If New Sheriff’s theory on the killer being one of the Lakewood Six is to be believed, then the suspect pool actually isn’t that deep. Emma’s our main character, and unless she actually is legitimately insane, then the scenes we’ve had with her do not indicate at all that she could be Ghostface.

Next is Audrey, who we’ve seen actively being taunted and fucked around by Ghostface. And we know that at the very least, she didn’t kill Jake.

And Brooke is also nearly 100% out as a suspect, as we see her shell shocked and grieving when nobody else is around. Unless Scream plans to retcon that into her being stressed by how much work a kill spree is turning out to be. Which would be fucking rude.

Lesbait’s continued presence on the show is distracting. Either she’s being built up as an asshole victim, or a suspect. In either case, we’re going to need to learn something, anything, about her for that to matter.

Speaking of victims, holy shit, Scream, start killing people. This is a second season, which is the TV version of a sequel. Sequels need to have higher body counts. Get to it.

Emma is, like, super hurt that Kieran ratted her out to New Sheriff for having Jake’s phone. But I’m pretty sure if you want to solve a murder (and impending slasher movie conga line of murders), the sheriff’s gonna need some evidence, babe. The whole phone dilemma is only there to facilitate dumb drama.

On the other side of this is Eli, who was offering to help Emma get rid of the phone. Such a contrived love triangle.

Oh, and much like with Hanna on PLL this week (although, Hanna’s been doing it for seven seasons, so has even less of an excuse), Brooke becomes colossally traumatised over the body drop. Bitch, you already had a season of slashings. Become a desensitised little shit, already. Gosh.


But it’s not all bad:

On the Scream line-dropping front, Audrey drops the “insides on the outside” line, and it isn’t super forced and on the nose. Kudos, Audrey.

Audrey actually becomes the standout of the episode. She’s clearly barking up the wrong tree with New New Guy (or is she!?), but I respect her proactive approach to incense the lynch mob to swarm him by showing the damning cartoons he’s drawn. Audrey on the same side as Lesbait? Who knew?

Being trapped in the school, supposedly with the killer, also starts to send her a little batty, letting slip to Noah that she’s been receiving harassing calls as well as texts, and implying there’s been more than one murder.

And it’s this whiff of a lead which motivates Noah to steal Audrey’s phone. That text history with Ghostface is juicy, but that gif of her actually touching Jake’s dead body is pretty world-changing. Although, Noah barely reacts. So is he Ghostface?

Brooke is shifted to the background pretty hard this episode, so she mostly sulks around. But if we’re forced to have the characters being sad about the deaths, then I’m glad it’s Brooke’s job. Because I believe her.

She also tells New Sheriff that she thinks Hot Teacher is the killer. So it looks like he’ll get a chance to come back and be slashed.

New Hot Teacher reminds us she’s here and she’s devious when she lures Emma into an office to supposedly relax, but then locks her in, successfully predicting that she’ll have a freakout. But was New Hot Teacher the one posing as Ghostface to taunt her? Was Ghostface even there at all?

Maggie’s unprofessionalism is finally, satisfyingly punished when New Sheriff overhears her telling Brooke that Jake’s body indicates he’s been dead for a few days. It may have been a tiny detail about the case, but it’s a detail nonetheless, and he removes her from duty.

Mr Mayor may know about some skeletons in New Sheriff’s closet, but New Sheriff also mentions that he knows about the kind of skeletons Mr Mayor keeps in his garage freezer. Cool.

Emma majorly bitch slaps Lesbait during their confrontation.

Zoe relents on her cold shoulder-giving towards Noah.

Oh, and when Ghostface is menacing Emma from the other side of the office glass, it reminded me of the scene in Scream 2 when Gale fends off Ghostface in the college recording studio. Except without the stabbing of Dewey and the chase scene. You know, the stuff that makes a slasher good.

Scream Dawn of the Dead Ghostface

No, Emma.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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