Damien Season 1 Episode 10 – TV Review

Damien Ave Satani Ann Rottweilers

And hot.

Well, Damien finally brought out all the toys to play, but it’s too little, too motherfucking late.

Actually, add mother fucking (well, surrogate mother) to the list of things Damien didn’t do in time.

There’s no way in Hell this thing is getting renewed.

TL;DR Damien finally puts his Antichrist powers to use while fleeing Hershel, Ann, and Armitage with Simone; but they’re caught anyway, and Damien submits himself to being the Antichrist to save Simone’s life; Ann is sad that her daughter is dead; Hershel buries Colleague and Chilean Exorcist alive; Detective’s story ends appropriately, with him getting fucking nowhere.

Why was his character even in the show?

So Damien and Simone are still fleeing through the woods after escaping Chilean Exorcist and her fanatics. Hershel and some Armitage soldiers accost them, but Damien actively uses his Antichrist powers to make all the soldiers kill each other. He and Simone continue on to Charles’ trailer, and Damien spends time angsting about whether or not he can accept who he is and if he’ll hurt Simone blah blah blah. Simone is also kind freaked out by him, but she figures she’s probably safer under his protection than out there. And she’s right, because Ann isn’t too hospitable to Colleague and Chilean Exorcist. But Hershel is even more inhospitable, and despite Ann’s protests, he shoots Colleague, too, and chucks him and Chilean Exorcist into a grave to be buried alive. Whatever. Meanwhile, Detective is still trying to find Damien. And he does, along with the Armitage goon squad. Damien and Simone leg it again, but are caught in a graveyard. Ann and Hershel do a good Satanist/ bad Satanist routine, but Ann wins by pulling out the “he killed Colleague” trump card, so Damien summons Rottweilers to kill Hershel. Then Detective pops up and accidentally fatally shoots Simone while aiming for Damien. Way to contribute. Damien offers himself to the Devil to accept his position as Antichrist, which magically heals Simone, and then everyone, including an awestruck Detective, bows to Damien.

And there was also a stupid “hand bursting out of the grave” shot earlier, indicating either Colleague or Chilean Exorcist survived. Because season 2 is totally happening, you guys.

There isn’t much more to say about Damien at this point. The toys coming out for the finale were energising, but on the flip side, they only served to highlight how empty every other episode was.

Bradley James’ hotness and Barbara Hershey’s Barbara Motherfucking Hershey-ness can only do so much when there is so desperately little to work with.

I wouldn’t even want to see if they could course correct in season 2. Don’t come back, Damien.

 

Why I hate this episode:

I can see why Bates Motel never pulled the trigger on the incest thing. Because the Bates family have to be somewhat relatable, real human beings. But Damien had the Antichrist and a devout Antichrist-worshipper in its potential Oedipal pairing. And they didn’t do it. Weak weak weak.

And all my love to Vera Farmiga and Freddie Highmore, but Bradley James and Barbara Hershey in bed together would have been way hotter, too. I can’t believe they didn’t go there.

Colleague’s death is a joke. There’s no good reason for him to even be still hanging around with Ann, but he gets dragged along, anyway. And then Hershel just shoots him arbitrarily.

And that hand bursting through the grave scene is quite literally laughable. I lol’d IRL when it happened. The hand looks pretty feminine, too, so my money’s on Chilean Exorcist.

Speaking of wasted characters, what a disappointment she turned out to be. I know a working exorcist has got to have some level of religious conviction, but she went from level-headed to crazed bible basher like it was nothing.

Did Simone ever do a single thing during the entire show?

Detective’s aim is oddly awful. Simone kind of moves like she’s trying to take the bullet for Damien, but very barely. He was never on target to begin with. He can’t even get that right.

Ann mourns Wynonna, but doesn’t question why Damien’s powers would have affected her at that distance. And, again, he didn’t even know she was there.

We get a sequence showing the Vatican packing up its four Megiddo Daggers and sending a contingent of priest assassins out to deal with Damien. It’s partly cool, but mostly really goddamn cheesy. Which doesn’t work in a show as deathly serious as this one.

Oh, and the Damascus woman shows up again, but remains vague and mysterious. Ditto that little one-eyed girl. Eye roll.

 

But it’s not all bad:

Damien, at long last, makes the decision to accept he’s the Antichrist. Yes, it’s under duress to save a loved one’s life, but it finally happened. And that’s gotta be worth something.

Although, even before making the grand proclamation, he’s pretty nifty with those Antichrist powers when he wants to be. He willingly unleashes them on Hershel’s goons, and they slaughter the crap out of each other. And then he later uses them on Hershel himself. Nice.

They still operate accidentally, though, as a woman Damien and Simone carjack goes crazy and tries to kill herself for Damien. Simone saves her (because Simone is still pretending she’s a lead character), though.

Damien gets frustrated at Simone for bitching at him, so she is suddenly choked by a swarm of flies in her throat. It’s a good visual.

Before the final showdown, Damien decides to go to Megiddo and attempt to finish himself off, like his father had tried all those years before. So noble.

During her slapfight with Chilean Exorcist over right and wrong, Ann mentions that the devil is only responsible for ten deaths in the Bible, whereas God is responsible for millions. Cool.

Detective hallucinates violently hitting his son with his car. I lol’d.

Oh, and Damien spends most of the episode shirtless. So they got that right.

Damien Ave Satani Damien shirtless

Because he’s covered in blood, Simone. Control yourself.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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