The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 20 – TV Review

TVD Kill 'Em All Yvette corpse

“Nah, it’s cool. Just wake me up when she is.”

It’s a sad day when I, a card-carrying Elena hater, think her return would be better than suffering the tripe we’ve been getting in her absence.

Or, preferably, Katherine.

Actually, just Katherine, please, Nina.

TL;DR The vault is opened but we don’t really find out what’s inside; Rayna’s vampire hit list is completed; Rayna makes sure Bonnie inherits her vampire hatred, as well as her life; Matt reveals how Penny died; Caroline and Alaric’s relationship is a bit rocky.

Dating your teacher will do that. Right, Aria?

So the boys are still out taking care of Rayna’s Phoenix Stone escapee hit list, while Bonnie awaits death back at the cabin. Realising they’ll likely not complete it in time, Bonnie recalls Enzo to spend her final shred of life with him. But Damon isn’t giving up so easily, and underhandedly brokers a deal with Alex to have The Armory complete the list quickly. In exchange for Bonnie opening the vault, which she claims she will never do. Despite her protestations, though, The Armory delivers, Bonnie does the spell, and into the vault Alex goes. Sadly, her sister Yvette has indeed been dead for four years, and some malevolent force attacks her and her goons. Bonnie seals them inside The Armory out of spite. Then it’s time for Rayna to give over her life to Bonnie, and she does; but she also gives Bonnie her vampire-hunting impulses. So Bonnie better make good friends with Alaric and Matt, because she’s got nobody else. Meanwhile, Stefan and Matt awkwardly team up while on the vampire hunt. Matt reveals that Stefan was in Mystic Falls the night Penny died, and he’s learned Stefan compelled away how it really happened. Under duress, Stefan reveals that he’d returned to town for Liz’s death anniversary and Penny had found him, a vampire, and attacked. Matt went out after her and shot at a sound in the dark, which turned out to be Penny. Matt still doesn’t apologise for releasing Rayna. And still blames Stefan for Penny’s death. Because TVD is always ready to find new ways to make Matt even shittier. And Caroline and Alaric also join the vampire hunt. Alaric observes that Caroline isn’t totally over Stefan, Caroline realises Alaric misses his formerly action-packed life, and they both somewhat agree to get back out in the field. Together.

Spew.

We’ve got, what, two episodes left until the finale? And we haven’t really got a Big Bad? That’s not good.

The vault apparently has the ability to turn you into a homicidal maniac, so I expect Alex will be the recipient of that. But Alex is a puny human.

A vampire hunter Bonnie could make a last minute claim to Final Boss status. But way to leave it too late, bitch. After we’ve put up with all this bullshit to save you, there’s no way they’re gonna kill you off.

Because then Elena would come back to life, and Nina Dobrev ain’t here, baby.

 

Why I hate this episode:

I can’t believe TVD is still concealing what exactly is in the vault with so few episodes left. Unless they’re going to extend whatever the threat is into the next season. Which I wouldn’t care for.

Remember when Rayna said that her drive to kill vampires was linked to the Phoenix Stone? Well, TVD doesn’t, because Rayna cackles while proclaiming she’s giving her shit to Bonnie, despite the Phoenix Stone’s destruction. If the impulse is so strong that Bonnie will forget the relationships she’s forged with her vampire friends, then how has Rayna been keeping her hands in her pockets around Damon and Enzo recently?

And if we can train the vampire-killing impulse out of Jeremy, then I’m sure Bonnie “I can do anything. Because the show needs me to” Bennett can handle it.

You know I hate Matt. And I know you hate Matt, too. But I didn’t know just how much TVD hates Matt. I mean, what other explanation is there for his insane commitment to being mad at vampires for things that aren’t their fault? Stefan was in town peacefully, Penny was trigger happy and shit at her job, Matt shot into the dark like an idiot, and somehow Matt deems Penny’s death Stefan’s fault? Because his return to town precipitated his and Penny’s retardation? Fuck you.

He also doesn’t apologise for setting Rayna free needlessly now that he knows the truth. Arsehole.

Bonnie compares her relationship with Enzo to Beauty and the Beast. Fucking eye-roll.

Caroline and Alaric resolve to fix the gargantuan cracks in their relationship by re-exposing themselves to a lifestyle that will: a) put them in danger of being killed; b) make their children targets for future enemies (didn’t they watch The Originals Season 2?); and c) likely put them in more contact with Stefan, the spanner in their works. Good job.

Rayna was kind of a huge waste of a character, huh?

If Li’l Sis knows the story of how her great-grandfather heard disembodied voices in the vault, why wouldn’t Alex know that? And assume the voices aren’t an “I survived four years in a cave” Yvette? Dumbass.

Oh, and I’m not sure what would make me more annoyed: if the vault turns out to be a legit Giant Space Flea From Nowhere that’s just come to be a plot point; or if it, as TVD loves to do, links back to something from one of our characters’ past. Did the Salvatores know any vault door makers back in 1882? And which one of them was actually dating one of Enzo’s ancestors?

 

But it’s not all bad:

Alex’s Armory goons are mostly slaughtered, so I got the massacre I wanted. I don’t know how Bonnie regained her magical strength so soon after a blood transfusion from Rayna, so I’m hoping her spell to trap Alex and the stragglers inside doesn’t hold.

I absolutely love how banal Penny’s death is. And that it was Matt’s fault for bringing her into the vampire hunting game. And that she wasn’t very good at it. It warms my heart.

When Bonnie expects she’s going to die before the hit list is completed, she calls Damon to offer her forgiveness. But Damon refuses it, pledging to properly earn it by saving her life. It’s frustratingly sweet.

Bonnie the Vampire Slayer, with magic on her side, should be pretty boss.

The Yvette reveal is perfect.

Oh, and Matt is almost table-sawed in the head by one of the hit list vampires. Stefan saves him.

TVD Kill 'Em All Matt table-saw

The Originals has to kill off its puny human within three seasons, but Matt gets to live through seven and counting? Fuck everything.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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