Damien Season 1 Episode 7 – TV Review

Damien Abattoir Ann laughing

Laughing all the way to the bank.

Well, it’s not an “it was all just a dream” episode.

So we’re moving up in the world.

TL;DR Damien proves Hershel is in on the Antichrist conspiracy; Simone is contacted by Chilean Exorcist; Ann endears herself to Damien (I think?); Detective investigates Damien’s old college dorm buddies, one of whom is a psychopathic murderer.

And a fucking florist.

So I may not have cared much for Damien’s stupid dream last episode, but he’s certainly taken it to heart, as he now believes all the crazy messages it was sending him. Namely, that Simone and Colleague are working for Ann, and that Hershel, too, has been duping him all along. After some tedious “creepiness” in the psych ward, he makes a beeline for Hershel to announce his accusations, and Hershel’s catatonic wife suddenly starts speaking in biblical ramblings. You know the deal. She later confirms to Damien that Hershel is evil, intends to be rewarded for his service to the Antichrist, and has an animal sacrifice shed. Just as any good Antichrist-worshipper probably should. This illuminates nothing for the audience. Meanwhile, Hershel is spooked by Damien’s fervour. He runs like a bitch to Ann to ask for her Megiddo Dagger for protection, but she instead offers it to Damien should he want to complete his suicide attempt. He doesn’t. Meanwhile, Detective obsesses over Damien and hunts down some old college dorm friends. One is that guy Damien asked for help in the pilot, who says Damien had a roommate who worshipped him/was in love with him. Detective talks to him, Charles, who says he actually feared Damien’s bullying, and was badly burnt when Damien went overboard on some stupid college initiation ritual. But twist, Charles is actually super homicidal (and a fucking florist! The evil. My God!), and kills that other dude. And Chilean Exorcist finds Simone in New York and tells her she believes in the weirdness she’s been seeing. Simone is torn between her perception of Damien as the decent guy she knows, and the possibility that he could be the Antichrist and needs to be killed.

At least catch that dick first, girl.

So it’s progress. Very, very slow progress.

Simone, of all people, actually moves things forward. So snaps for that, I suppose.

It’s a shame Damien himself, now in episode 7, is still stumbling in circles.

 

Why I hate this episode:

Firstly, Damien believes in dreams. So that’s not good.

And his whole plot this episode is to figure out that Hershel is an evil Antichrist-worshipper (I want to say Satanist, but Ann said that’s not what they are, so). Which we, the audience, have known the whole time. Hurry the fuck up, Damien. Both show and character.

The most evil thing we see Hershel do is sacrifice a goat with a bunch of fellow Antichrist-worshippers. For fuck’s sake, with the level of violence this show is clearly allowed, be a little more ambitious, team.

To even greater frustration, Hershel plays the same absurd card that Troy did: he’s scared of what Damien might do to his wife. Troy was spooked by the possibility of Damien banging his child, and Hershel is deathly afraid that Damien might exert influence over his disabled wife. But, like I complained last time, you people are trying to bring about the coming of the Antichrist, right? Why the holy fuck are you so sentimental about what happens to your loved ones? Your goal is to unleash Hell on earth or whatever the proper biblical term is. It’s just so inconsistent.

Chilean Exorcist, having shown up and proven herself adept at tracking down Simone and assuring her she’s not crazy, then immediately squashes any badassery by woefully conceding that it may already be too late to stop Damien. Can we have a single character on this show who is confident in themselves?

The only one of those appears to be Blonde Off-sider, who we haven’t seen for two episodes. Come back, Wynonna.

Oh, and the Ravenswood Sequence (that’s what I’m calling them now) at the psych ward is eye-rollingly bland. Complete with not one, but two patients who think they’re Jesus and obligatorily go off around Damien.

 

But it’s not all bad:

Damien does his duty to keep us watching and gets shirtless while getting changed to leave the psych ward. Before the seven minute mark, even. And he takes his pants off and gives us leg people some more ogle material. Keep it up, Damien.

In other flesh-bearing news, Charles kills Acquaintance Guy while he’s in the shower. He stabs him in the back with half a pair of scissors, and it’s gory and wet and weird. At episode 7, it’s pretty odd to introduce a character like this, but the show needs to desperately cling to whatever horror elements (that work. Unlike the Ravenswooding) it can.

It’s unclear whether the attack was motivated by Damien’s ominous influence, or if Charles really was just pissed off that Acquaintance Guy told Detective about his subservience to Damien back in college. Hey, maybe Acquaintance Guy was right, and Charles did love Damien. Damien is clearly wasting every opportunity to hop into bed with Ann, so a gay sex scene is next on my wish list.

Speaking of Ann, I enjoyed that she laughed at Hershel’s concern. She reminds him that the Megiddo Daggers are theoretically useless unless all seven of them are used together. And it’s impossible to tell which dagger is which without the others. It is possible that Ann’s is the heart-piercing dagger, though.

Which is why Ann offers it to Damien. She explains that only all seven together can obliterate the Antichrist; without all seven, Damien could just die a mortal death and the Antichrist’s soul would select another host. She holds the dagger out to him to impale himself and succeed in his suicide, and he presses his torso against its point. Ann, sadly, chickens out. But I think I felt a little bit of sexual tension there. So the Damien/Ann sex scene isn’t totally off the table.

Oh, and Damien did a shower stabbing murder before Bates Motel did. So it’s ahead on that front.

Damien Abattoir shower murder scene

Bates is struggling enough on its own right now. It doesn’t need Damien stinking up the place.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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