Damien Season 1 Episode 6 – TV Review

But unluckily for us, we’re still alive.

I thought it couldn’t get any more catastrophically worse than a mid-season plot-of-the-week episode.

Hell, to beat that, they’d have to pull some kind of “it was all just a dream” episode. Now that’d be embarrassing.

TL;DR This is an “it was all just a dream” episode, as insane as that is to report. What the actual fuck is happening with this show?

It’s genuinely hard to believe.

So for posterity’s sake, I’ll do a rundown of the plot, but keep in mind that none of it matters because it literally is all just a dream. So Damien is taken to hospital following his suicide attempt last episode, and instantly slips away out of his mandatory psychiatric hold. Colleague takes him to some tattoo artist who admits that six months ago someone brought him in unconscious and he gave him the 666 tattoo on his head. Damien appeals to Hershel for help, but later finds out he’s in kahootz with Ann, so can’t trust him. Damien steals a file from Hershel’s office and finds out his mum from The Omen is alive, and she was told that Damien died as a boy. They have a heartfelt reunion, but Ann shows up, a scuffle occurs, and Mama Thorn falls down the stairs to her death. Damien almost strangles Ann to death in retaliation, but flees when goons arrive. Simone and Colleague then also appear to be in kahootz with Ann, and Damien is then arrested by Detective for his mother’s murder. He tries to prove his innocence by taking him to the tattooist, but he is predictably murdered (see image above). And then Detective turns out to be in kahootz with Ann, too. Then the Damascus old woman turns up and kills everyone and attacks Damien, and then he wakes up, firmly ensuring that this show really doesn’t give a fuck about its viewers. The one actual world takeaway, after Damien wakes up in the hospital, is that Damien tells Ann to GTFO. And given Damien was already done with Ann, that’s zero progress in any way.

So at least it’s staying in theme with the rest of the show.

Really, what can I say? “It was all just a dream” is the oldest and most discredited Deus Ex Machina, yet here, in 2016, it is. On the sister show to Bates Motel, no less.

What an absolute fucking travesty.

Why I hate this episode:

All of it. Just all of it.

But it’s not all bad:

Damien gets shirtless within the first three minutes. So at least it’s still got that going for it.

A sex scene, preferably.