The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 16 – TV Review

TVD Days of Future Past Damon poisoned

We’re all just drunk and waiting for The Originals to come on.

And, thanks to a pleasantly insane CW, TVD will be shambling on to a season 8.

Not even Nina Dobrev can save us now.

Because she abandoned this leaky boat, bitch.

TL;DR Rayna fucks around a lot, but manages to kill Stefan; this makes Damon and Ginger Spice sad; The Armory turns on Enzo; Matt is a huge fuckwad; Baby Spice and Sporty Spice kill themselves to destroy the Phoenix Stone.

Well, TVD did it. They buried their gays. Again.

So, we’re picking up right where we left off last time, as Damon and Rayna try to convince Stefan to let Damon have the Phoenix Sword scar. Damon and Stefan manage to fool her, though, and Stefan takes off with the Sword. Rayna, bizarrely, doesn’t kill Damon, but leaves him so she can chase after Stefan, and it’s revealed that she kind of likes him because she spent her three years of Armory imprisonment using her scar link to watch him. She’s still supernaturally compelled to kill dat, though. Meanwhile, Ginger reluctantly goes to Damon’s aid, but Damon reneges on his offer of taking the scar. Ginger ain’t no princess, either: she’s known how to transfer Stefan’s scar this whole time, but didn’t tell Stefan so she could go on their endless vacation together. Tsk. Meanwhile, Alex and The Armory force Baby Spice to help them find Enzo by showing that Sporty Spice is dying of Rayna blood poisoning (it’s lethal to witches, and they’ve been testing it on her). Alex thinks Enzo is the one who set Rayna free, but it was actually Matt of the Eternal Hindrance. Baby and Enzo’s squabbling allows Matt to slink away, but they unite in a plan with Stefan to capture Rayna. It all goes awry because the plot says so, and in the end Rayna kills Stefan with the Phoenix Sword, and Alex tells Baby and Sporty that there’s no cure for Rayna blood, so soz lol. Rayna then sets her sights on Baby and Sporty, foolishly letting them drive away with the Phoenix Sword, and with Sporty’s impending death, they go out together with a bang and explode themselves and the Sword. So where does that leave Stefan?

Following Nina Dobrev’s trail to a better project?

The destruction of the Phoenix Sword at the end is pretty juicy, and means Rayna might finally get her head out of her arse.

But the ease of its demise is insulting. All Baby and Sporty had to do was, like, try really hard, and they’re able to break it? So all this angst over Rayna and the Phoenix Stone/Sword was just a huge waste of time?

Sums up this season, really.

 

Why I hate this episode:

Not that TVD really used them, but it’s a shame the lesbians had to die. Oh, well. Maybe we’ll get another chance at a decent gay character on this show? It’s only been seven seasons.

And their attack on the Phoenix Sword smacks of the worst of TVD-verse “magic can do whatever we say it can do” bullshit.

Rayna already had a flirt with Damon, but now she’s halfway to being in love with Stefan. And with the Phoenix Stone gone, which was the cause of her vampire-hunting impulse, it looks like she truly is an Elena clone, and will have both Salvatore boys after her. Fucking snooze.

I still can’t get over Rayna’s insane decision not to just murder Stefan and Damon when she had them at her mercy at the TV studio. Why the fuck not? The episode tries to give her an excuse for Stefan because she likes him and thinks he’s a good dude. But she still kills him at the end, anyway. So why wait? And she expresses a lot how much she fucking despises Damon, yet shows him completely undue mercy. Just because the plot requires it.

Damon’s flip-flopping on the scar issue is exhausting. He goes back on his word and stops Ginger from performing the spell, but only flops back when it’s too late to save Stefan. For fuck’s sake. It’s such obvious and sloppy writing.

Rayna, as an extension of the Phoenix Stone, harps on at Stefan about how toxic Damon is to his life. Yes, we know. God. We’ve watched seven seasons of it. We know, bitch.

I can’t believe I’m saying it, but I missed having Bonnie around. Caroline I could take or leave at this point.

Matt is such a dick. It’s implied that Stefan killed Penny, his “wait, who?” girlfriend (wife?). I don’t care, bro. But Matt evidently does, as he releases Rayna from The Armory so she can kill Stefan. This leads to Alex thinking Enzo did it and that unnecessary blame game bullshit.

Alex somehow manages to make it out of all of this alive. I don’t know, Enzo. She was ready to kill you at the drop of a hat. Even if she is family, she’s not worth keeping.

Elena is the reason Damon flip-flops about taking the scar. If he takes it, then his life will be tied to Rayna’s mortal life, and he would likely die before Elena awoke. Yawn. And just to whinge about it again because we had the Phoenix Stone’s destruction thrown in our face this week: Elena’s impenetrable Sleeping Beauty spell is such a weasel.

Oh, and Rayna loses the Phoenix Sword to the lesbians because she throws it at their car. Didn’t she learn from doing that to Julian? Idiot.

 

But it’s not all bad:

The Phoenix Stone/Sword is gone (apparently). So now we can move onto whatever our new villain or threat is going to be to close out the season. I assume The Armory will hustle to fill that void. Anything’s better than poor Rayna, who got tossed around by the plot so haphazardly. At least it was over quick, baby.

Ginger made a respectable case to earn her position as the last surviving Spice Girl. The revelation that she knew about the scar transfer spell all along (it works similarly to the baby transfer spell that was done on Caroline) is hilarious. With all her Spice Girl brethren dead, I might even name upgrade her next episode. If she doesn’t suddenly drop dead, too.

I’m glad that Stefan’s fate is left up in the air. I actually want to get to the next episode so I can find out what happened to his soul.

In an episode of slim pickings, I’ll have to give the most praise to Enzo. He’s sexy both when his schemes are working, and when he gets fucked up. And the tension between him and Alex was a spot of relief after the retarded “your dad founded The Armory and I’m your relative” asspull.

Damon gets the episode’s best line when complimenting Enzo’s handle on their scheme to use The Armory to capture Rayna: “I’m loving your James Bond vibe.” If they ever make a low-budget, TV adaptation, he’s your man.

Alex accuses Enzo of stealing a large quantity of pills filled with Rayna’s blood. Enzo claims he didn’t do it, but Alex snarkily tells him to give her regards to Bonnie. So she thinks Enzo has been poisoning Bonnie?

While that would be delightful, I doubt he was, because, after using some on Baby to nullify her magic, he is horrified to discover it’s also (in a delayed way) fatal. Hmm.

In addition to her dose of Rayna blood, Baby also gets nicked by the thrown Phoenix Sword, leaving her marked by it. So the suicide with Sporty isn’t entirely unjustified.

Oh, and it was nice to see TVD shell out a bit of money for a practical car explosion. It’s only fitting that the Phoenix Stone should go up in flames.

TVD Days of Future Past Phoenix Sword explosion

“But no more New Zealanders.”

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

5 responses to “The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 16 – TV Review”

  1. Lydia says :

    Apparently the guy who plays Damon is leaving the show too so I don’t even know how the fuck they plan on continuing. It is honestly just a last ditch effort for as much cash as possible before dying at this point.

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