Damien Season 1 Episode 3 – TV Review

Damien The Deliverer Ann orgasm

One of the only reasons to keep watching this show. But damn, what a reason.

I don’t know, show. Three episodes in and you’re a still a confused, ill-paced mess.

And after their thankful absence last episode, we’re back to the bizarre character emotional reactions from the pilot.

Not good.

TL;DR Ann works for some massive company that’s involved in raising Damien or something, and they’re not happy with her progress; Damien continues to fumble about; that detective achieves little; Simone does nothing of importance.

Ann is looking more like a romantic lead for Damien than Simone at this point. Which I’d be fine with, by the way.

So we pick up right where we left off last week, as Ann freaks Damien out with her little museum of him. She says his destiny is to precipitate the second coming of Christ, in what I assume is a way to package the fact that he’s the Antichrist and his destiny also includes the apocalypse a little more attractively. Damien does some independent investigation of Ann, and discovers she works for Armitage Global, some nebulous super company. And an old family friend of Damien’s, Hershel from The Walking Dead, says Ann is an evil bitch. But twist, Hershel also works for Armitage Global, and he thinks Ann is getting a little too personal with Damien, so assigns some other guy to him. So Ann fakes this guy attacking her in public, sending Damien (who was spying on her) running after him, and ending up in his tragic death via tie-stuck-in-escalator. Which Damien doesn’t witness because he saves a child from subway tracks. Pfft, some Antichrist, huh? Meanwhile, Simone seeks advice from a priest about what Kelly was researching, but is dismissed as merely grieving. And that detective who’s taken an interest in Damien is attacked by a Rottweiler, but he shoots it to death.

Score one for the good guys?

Honestly, Damien better pick its shit up. Given that it’s only a ten episode season, I will likely continue on with it regardless. But given how sloppy it’s turning out to be, I don’t know, man. It’s tough.

The one thing that the post-pilot episodes have gotten right is giving us a lot more Barbara Hershey, though. So there’s that.

 

Why I hate this episode:

Ann could be the undoing of the show. While she herself is wonderfully magnetic, she’s also the gateway to this Armitage Global bullshit, and I don’t like it one bit. I’m getting The Initiative vibes from them.

When the news of Ann’s replacement’s death reaches the Armitage Global offices, a secretary crumples into Ann’s arms in grief. I think it’s fair to assume that the lowly desk girls don’t know their bosses are Antichrist-worshipping pyschopaths, so fair enough. But bloody Hershel is all aghast at Ann’s treachery. You do realise you’re working to awaken, again, just so you’re not missing this, the Antichrist?

Similarly, Ann manages to freak out her replacement guy by hissing into his ear that Damien, again, the Antichrist, gets off on fucking little girls. And this guy happens to have a daughter. He is one hundred percent horrified at the thought. Dude, you are trying to bring about the apocalypse. Have a little gumption. What the fuck?

His death is stupid. He should have just taken his tie off when it got caught. Or at the very least tried to let the top grate of the escalator cut the tie instead of going nose-first. Whatever.

Staying on the bizarre emotional responses train, Damien rather blithely tells Colleague all about Ann’s Damien museum and shit. Like, who would just lay that out there? To compound that, Colleague seems unfazed and suggests he and Damien take a job in Kiev (they’ve been fired by Sandrine Holt, remember) to take Damien’s mind off it. Take his mind off the obsessive, shrine-building shadow woman who’s been following him his whole life? What the hell, dude?

Ann has some young, blonde woman working with her. She’s introduced so unnecessarily, and we don’t learn a single thing about her. Either she’s Ann’s daughter, a love interest for Damien, or both. And if she is the love interest, way to shut out Simone, show. That’s racist.

Oh, and that exorcist from last episode doesn’t show up. I want more of her, please.

 

But it’s not all bad:

What Damien lacks in Chilean exorcists, it makes up for with Barbara Hershey screentime. Sorry, Bradley James, but she’s single-handedly holding this mess together.

Her standout moment is, of course, the orgasm. To close out the episode, Damien tells her about the Damascus woman ripping his hair out, and shows her the 666 on his scalp. She can barely make it out the door for some alone time before she’s doing her hot chip face. Finally, a Satanist who gets it.

Except Ann and Armitage Global aren’t Satanists. She makes sure to clarify this earlier in the episode. She also explains that the reason the church wants to kill Damien isn’t to merely kill the Antichrist: it’s to prevent him precipitating the second coming of Jesus. Because if Jesus proper turns up, then the church will lose all its power. I lol’d.

At her Armitage Global meeting, Ann and the other members mention that they don’t know who the Damascus woman is. Intrigue.

I’ll give Detective some points for shooting up that dog.

Oh, and the replacement guy’s death might have been silly, but we do need some juicy kills to distract us.

Damien The Deliverer escalator death

But who really nose?

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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