Pretty Little Liars Season 6 Episode 17 – TV Review

PLL We've All Got Baggage Alison Doctor married

What, you got a problem with cheese?

Yes, not even Ella and Byron’s re-wedding, as officiated by fucking Aria, no less, can out-cheese the Suddenly Soulmates subplot of Alison and Doctor Dude.

As long as nobody is getting menaced by a ute in a parking lot, I’m happy.

TL;DR Emily gets menaced by a ute in a parking lot and reckons that B isn’t the only shadowy figure out for them; Ella and Byron get re-married; Veronica wins points by breaking the cancer story herself, but immediately loses them amidst another scandal; Hanna is jealous of Spencer and Caleb; Ezra is okay with Aria’s ghostwriting.

I told you she could pussy-whip him good.

And now, the Liars’ plots:

It’s pretty even all around, but I’ll give Spencer the edge, as she and Caleb are on Melissa’s trail for being the new suspect in Cece’s murder. Clues indicate yes, but Spencer and Caleb take a blow when, after Veronica earns some positive press for coming clean about her cancer scare, a nasty story about Yvonne is traced back to the Hastings camp. Caleb takes the fall to save Spencer from Veronica’s accusations, but it looks like Melissa could have done it.

Hanna throws herself into helping with Ella and Byron’s re-wedding to distract her from her recent unemployment and lack of chemistry with Australian Wood Block Fiancè. But she, sadly, eventually decides that she’s going to go through with her own wedding after all. Boo.

Aria and Liam strategise how best to approach Ezra about the chapter forgeries, and end up doing exactly what I said they should do last week: just tell him, and then have him tell the editor he’s decided on a different direction and offer up the real chapters. Duh. Liam gets pissy when he finds out Aria used to sit on Ezra’s penis, but they work it out. And she officiates her parents’ re-wedding.

Emily almost gets in trouble with that reporter boy Spencer and Melissa encountered a couple of episodes ago. Later, she goes looking into that diner that placed a call to Alison’s on the night Cece was killed, and finds a homicidal ute driver, and the apparent murder weapon (Melissa’s broken suitcase handle). Being Emily, she naturally loses both.

And Alison, forced by B, admits to Doctor Dude that she fought with Cece on the night of her death because Cece was unimpressed that Alison had been courting her doctor. She feels guilty that she contributed to Cece leaving the house that night and getting murdered, but Doctor Dude assures her he still loves her. So much so that they ask Aria to marry them to close out the episode.

Alison is more bearable smiling than she is pouting, so I can dig it.

The Two Crows sequence, with Emily skittering around while a comically over-loud ute doesn’t even get within metres of her, is typical Old PLL in its retardation.

But, I must say, everything else is pretty on track. So I must congratulate Pretty Little Liars on staving off its, and I still believe this, inevitable slide back into Stupid Shit territory.

Well done, ladies.

 

Why I hate this episode:

Just because some things are functional, doesn’t mean I have to like them. We’ll start with Aria, because it’s Aria, and I can’t believe she thought Liam wouldn’t find out that she and Ezra used to be lovers. What a dumbass. Likewise, Liam comes around pretty quickly to the idea of his lady love being an underaged fucktoy for her teacher. I would have expected PLL to milk that a bit longer, no?

Hanna’s decision to stick with Jordan is welcome, as it propels her forward, and Caleb feels pretty good in Spencer’s arms. But fuck Jordan, honey. He’s garbage. Hanna has more sexual chemistry with Ella while she’s pinning her dress than she does with that set of abs and teeth.

Emily’s subplot with Damian is so brief it makes me wonder why they even included it. The net outcome is that Emily, once Hanna clues her into the fact that Damian is a reporter, wrangles one piece of information out of him: that his meeting with Melissa means Melissa was around in time to have killed Cece. But we don’t even get to see Emily work her scheme to get there. She just dumps it out in exposition later. Lazy.

The nadir of the episode is the “action” scene at the Two Crows. Firstly, the Two Crows is a diner set in a remote clearing in a forest. It’s the Lost Woods business plan at work. Secondly, Emily, all you need to do to avoid the ute is walk around the shipping container. A vehicle can’t get around it that quickly. Getting on top was a solid idea, too, but then you got down. You fool.

How the hell did Emily not get a look at the person who took the suitcase handle? She was literally right on top of them.

Emily’s assumption that B is not the only person who’s after the gang is a tad presumptuous. She reckons that because the ute driver took the suitcase handle, then that means they’re covering up Cece’s murder, which would mean they can’t be B, the truth-seeker. But couldn’t it have just been B trying to get their hands on the murder weapon so they can take it to the police? Or maybe they don’t want the Liars hiding it from them? B is already preposterous enough. We don’t need a C.

B shows up with another insane rubber mask. Come on, PLL.

Just last episode, Caleb said he couldn’t tamper with the Phillips campaign files to save Veronica because it was too dangerous. But then, at the start of this episode, he just says he’s done it all carefree-like. Huh?

Ezra softly proposes that, because Aria’s editor liked her ghostwriting so much, that maybe they let her keep doing it and finish the book. Damn, I knew he was pussy-whipped, but I didn’t know he was pussy-flogged-to-death.

Oh, and PLL tries to get around Mike not being at the wedding by saying he doesn’t approve of the re-marriage because he’s never forgiven Byron for being a homewrecking slut. Which is fair. But baby, we know it’s because he’s in Beacon Hills. We know.

 

But it’s not all bad:

The wedding is surprisingly nice. Next to Ashley, Ella is the best parent in the PLL-verse. And Byron, for all his sluttery, always hated Ezra, so I appreciated him for that. Let them be happy.

Ella provides a clever little moment with Hanna during her dress fitting. Hanna, who has been stomping around unsure of Jordan and jealous of Spencer being with Caleb, because she wants Caleb back, compliments Ella on finding her way back to Byron, her first love. But then Ella tells her nuh-uh, her first love was a green-eyed drummer who she fell out of touch with. Which gives Hanna the confidence to let the idea of Caleb go. Nice.

I relished the fact that Liam’s suggestion on how to approach Ezra is exactly what I suggested. And I’m glad it worked. Yes, we have to suffer Ezra’s pussy-whipped-ness, but it means we don’t have to suffer any impotent rage or indignation.

Ezra also tries to reassure Liam, who has read Ezra’s new chapters, that he’s not writing about his ex-girlfriend, Aria. Which Liam didn’t know about. Any grief for Aria is good grief, you know?

Emily’s stealth takedown of Damian’s plan happens off-screen, but her little smirking start of the plan after Hanna texts her Damian’s true intentions is a welcome change of pace for the always-dour Emily.

Hanna recalls a time she and Melissa bumped into each other in a hotel bar bathroom in London a couple of years ago. A drunk Melissa was angry about Wren leaving her recently because Cece apparently called and told him that she killed Bethany that one time. Melissa, and me, too, was surprised Cece would have the phone privileges to do that. I know, right? Hanna does present this as evidence that Melissa had personal motive to kill Cece, which makes me happy. Only one blonde girl murder isn’t enough for a Hastings. You gotta build that resumè.

Spencer wisely confronts Veronica with the truth about her cancer scare, and convinces her to go public with it. And it pays off.

Hilariously, the good press is quickly interrupted by a smear story about how Yvonne had a high school abortion, and it could blow back on the Hastings campaign and make them look dirty. The offending IP address is traced back to the Hastings house, and Veronica accuses Spencer of leaking the story. Caleb steps in and falsely claims to be responsible, earning himself a firing and eviction from Veronica. But if Spencer and Caleb didn’t do it, then that only leaves Melissa, right?

Alison and Doctor Dude weren’t as obnoxious as last week. And if getting married to a nothing character is enough to keep Alison out of the actual plot movements, I’ll support it.

Sara isn’t in this episode.

Oh, and when Byron first asks Aria to officiate the re-wedding, she has the exact same reaction as the rest of us.

PLL We've All Got Baggage Aria

Aria and I finally agree on something.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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