The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 12 – TV Review
And can you believe Stefan was the one to finally get the job done?
After being retconned out of his great love for Elena, being passed over for main character status in Elena’s wake (thanks, Damon), and losing his girlfriend to his (and her) old teacher in the flash forwards, who knew Stefan had any will left to do anything?
TL;DR Stefan and Ginger Spice finally kill Julian, but not before Damon almost commits suicide-by-Julian out of guilt for BBQ-ing Elena; Bonnie and the lesbian Spices hunt down the Huntress, who is a senile old woman; Enzo ends up saving Bonnie, but also stealing the Huntress to reinvigorate her or something; Matt recruits the cop who arrested him last episode into the vampire hunting business; Caroline’s babies start siphoning the vampire magic right out of her.
Will she live? I sure hope there haven’t been flash forwards every episode that show her getting out of this just fine. That would be a real blow to the tension.
So Damon’s wangst over setting Elena on fire last episode takes obligatory centre stage. He ends up antagonising Julian because he has a death wish, so Julian shows Damon a vampire boxing ring he’s set up outside the Grill. Damon wins a few matches, but can’t overcome Julian. Stefan, having been ejected earlier because he’s such a fucking buzzkill (I know, right?) saves Damon in time, and then recruits Ginger to finally put an end to Julian. And, like I’ve been screaming at TVD ever since Posh Spice was taken down without any trouble, it turns out to be really fucking easy. Meanwhile, Bonnie teams with Baby Spice and Sporty Spice (reluctantly, in Sporty’s case) to find and eliminate this postcard-happy Huntress, Rayna. Rayna was apparently blessed with strength and long life by ancient shamans to hunt vampires, but time has taken its toll and she’s an old, hospitalised coot. She still almost kills Bonnie, but Enzo kills Rayna in time. And then steals Rayna away to set her body on fire, and out pops a pretty young thing who is confirmed to be the Huntress in the flash forwards. Meanwhile, Caroline starts dessicating, and Ginger informs she and Stefan that the twin babies must be siphon witches, and they’re feeding on Caroline. Uh oh. And Matt breaks the supernatural news to Officer Penny. They have sexual tension, because every longtime fan of The Vampire Diaries was just begging for Matt to have a new, suddenly-introduced love interest, right?
Who is basically the female version of him. Although, Camille was The Originals’ female version of Matt, and she’s turned out just fine.
Save for Matt’s, every subplot of the episode is far more compelling than the main plot of Damon’s guilt. How many times do we have to watch one of the Salvatore brothers go crazy with guilt for things they did while they didn’t have control of their own will?
And until we see Elena’s crusted, smoking corpse, I’m not going to believe for a second that she’s actually dead. I know she left the show, but I think the main character of six seasons deserves a far more operatic death than being set on fire in a storage yard. With fucking Tyler as the only witness.
Nobody deserves to be only accompanied by Tyler. Why do you think Caroline banged Klaus?
Why I hate this episode:
We get a soft confirmation from Damon that Tyler probably isn’t dead, either. So boo on that.
The vampire fight club thing was such a yawn. It was so pointless. If Julian wanted to kill Damon, and he evidently had the strength, not to mention the hundreds of vampire cronies, then he should have just fucking done it. He shouldn’t have forced the TVD set design team to construct a big-ass boxing platform in an alley. Rude.
And while I’m celebrating Julian’s death, like I said up top, it was so frustratingly easy. Why didn’t they kill him sooner? All Stefan did was fucking stake him, with a little help from Ginger. What took you so long?
Who gives a fuck about Matt at this point? Honestly? The Originals realised what a ball and chain the token human was and vampirised Camille after less than three seasons. Here we are halfway through season 7, and Matt’s still rolling around, somehow. Just die. I’ve had it. And I don’t care about your doomed girlfriend, who we already know does die within the next three years. Join her.
Caroline’s subplot has no tension because we know she and the babies are fine in the future.
Where on earth is Scary Spice?
Is it just me, or does Rayna look distractingly like Nina Dobrev? Unless that’s going to be a plot point, it’s bizarre.
Oh, and in a female-inflected reprise of season 6’s “too many new young male characters who all look the same” debacle, this episode also introduces another hot brunette in the form of a boxing spectator who follows and fucks Damon.
But it’s not all bad:
One of those homogenous boys turned out to be Kai. So there may be hope yet, Elena-lite and Boxing Skank.
The Rayna stuff easily craps all over the Damon stuff, even if it is wrapped up in jealousy and sniping bullshit between Baby and Sporty. Sporty is jealous of both Baby’s easy friendship with Bonnie, and because she thinks Baby could be wanting Bonnie’s flaps (Baby does, accurately, point out that Bonnie is hot). Baby and Sporty kind of reconnect by the end, so that might not end up metastasising into too much of a plot tumor. It helps that Sporty apologises for choosing Julian. Because Julian is always the wrong choice.
TVD itself finally realises this, and offs the arsehole. Ginger and Stefan’s attack is refreshingly low tech (didn’t even try to use the Phoenix Sword this time). A stake is all you need.
Stefan gets best line of the episode when talking about his de-facto stepfather: “I want him dead.” Way to follow through, baby.
Enzo quietly steals the show, though, with his suave-as-hell rescue of Bonnie from Rayna. Rayna, although decrepit and mentally unstable, still tries to kill Bonnie (Bonnie’s magic has no effect on her). So Enzo arrives outta nowhere and throws a knife into her throat. He makes sure to hit Bonnie hard with some sexual heat, and then sneakily steals Rayna away when Bonnie leaves to gather Baby and Sporty.
In a move that initially made me rage, Enzo explains away his recent absence on Matt’s abduction and being handed over to a shady organisation with one measly line of dialogue. But the little Phoenix chamber (I think we now know why Rayna’s equipment was named after the Phoenix) he puts her into looks pretty shady organisation-y to me. So Enzo must be working for them, likely under duress. Bonnie better go save her future man, baby.
The flash forward at the end of the episode is mainly there to show that yes, Revitalised Rayna is indeed the Huntress. But Matt does knock out Stefan and leave him for her. Maybe she’ll kill the Salvatore brothers for good, and TVD can finally shift focus to the main character it should have had all along: Katherine. Or Kai. I’ll settle for Kai.
Or Rayna will turn out to be just as much of a whinge bag as late-season Elena. In which case, as she’s a dangerous villain, I hope for her swift and brutal death.