The Originals Season 3 Episode 12 – TV Review

The Originals Dead Angels Elijah phone

Boomboxes are so 1989. Phones can do everything these days.

On the good side of things, Camille and Klaus are keeping their sexual tension at fever pitch.

But sadly, this is a Strix episode.

Check out now.

TL;DR The Strix have a leadership tussle between Aya and Elijah, with Marcel eventually winning; Camille holds the pale horse to ransom; Klaus wastes too much time paying it, and a Strix witch in league with Aurora takes it to She Of The Crap Hair; Aya has a plan to untether her and all sired vampires from the Originals’ lives, and Davina is obligatorily part of it.

To give the poor dear something to do. She doesn’t want to end up like Freya has the past two episodes: an off-screen spell vending machine.

So get those sleeping caps ready, because the major plot this episode involves an arbitrary contest between Aya and Elijah now that he’s decided he wants to take the Strix back. They have to fight over the Strix charter, and, because we know Elijah loves chocolate (remember Celeste?), their sexual tension from their back-in-the-day relationship complicates things. Marcel ends up taking a third option and steals the charter, holding onto it past the contest deadline and becoming the new leader of the Strix. But, thankfully, it turns out this was all a twofold scheme by Marcel and Elijah: firstly, to install Marcel as the new Strix leader because duh; and secondly, to distract Aya from finding out what Ariana’s pale horse ravings actually meant. They need the distraction because an obstinate Camille ransoms the pale horse to an unmoved Klaus, which takes forever. Aya may have her eye off the prize, but Davina and another Strix witch don’t. Davina finds out what’s up, but before she can warn Camille, Witch Bitch swoops in and snatches it out from under everyone, delivering it to her secret master: Aurora. Who turns it into bullets. Meanwhile, Klaus and Camille spend their episode sexily bitching at each other while an exasperated Vincent watches on. And Hayley briefly pops in to suggest Elijah just kill Aya instead of employing an elaborate scheme to distract her, but he won’t. Because they banged for a while almost a millennium ago.

Let it go, brah.

This is the first time this season that I’ve had major season 2 chills. Klaus and Camille’s plot takes place entirely in the cemetery, which reminds me of how much time Esther’s incarnations spent there. And there’s more “magic can do anything” garbage around an already-garbage Davina and Witch Bitch.

Ominous.

 

Why I hate this episode:

Davina just randomly gets Ariana’s visions while she’s consecrating her. Is that a thing?

She later does a spell to astral project into the Originals’ compound so she can see what Klaus is up to (in an even more contrived moment, Klaus and Hayley’s conversation just happens to elicit every very specific piece of information about the pale horse that Davina would need). I’m fairly certain that astral projection isn’t anything new for the TVD-verse, but God, it’s way too convenient here.

And then Witch Bitch uses her apparent vampire powers to brute force Davina’s memories so she can figure out what’s up with the pale horse. We saw Klaus, a vampire, do that just a few episodes ago. It’s confusing.

Camille makes a big fucking deal about how her dark objects are her only protection against the supernatural forces in New Orleans, and she needs them to have some semblance of recourse against Klaus’ enemies. But when Witch Bitch attacks her (and, remember, witches haven’t got any vampire or werewolf healing factor or physical upgrades), Camille uses some crystal ball thing that is just, like, really loud? And Witch Bitch just scoots away without incurring any damage. I’m starting to doubt the potency of those dark objects, Camille.

Klaus’ stubbornness in not bringing all the dark objects to the handover is in character, but still so bloody ridiculous. Camille has the only thing known to you that could kill you and your family, and you’re going to half arse it? This isn’t some new spell or untested weapon. This is white oak, that you are absolutely certain can kill you. Just bring the fucking dark objects, man. Come on.

Elijah’s sexual past with Aya is so eye-rollingly unsurprising. If The Originals wanted to be truly, well, original, then Elijah could have maybe respected her leadership during the early Strix days or something? But no, he only cares about her because he put his dick there one time.

Really, this episode’s greatest offence is to make me care less about Elijah. Which is the most season 2 thing of all. Terrifying.

 

But it’s not all bad:

Elijah and Marcel’s scheme is well executed, though. Being the mush-brained TV blogger I am, I didn’t cotton on to their shit until they spelled it out for me. So you got me there, show.

Dumb and obstructive it may have been, but Klaus and Camille’s verbal slap fight was the best thing about the episode. Their sexual tension is holding up, despite her turn to the dark side. And even when her stupid plan and his stupid reaction causes the Original-killing pale horse to slip through their fingers, they both still have concerned words to say to each other. Between the barbs, of course.

Camille readily apologises for Klaus and his family’s life now being at risk, though she does point out that if Klaus had just played ball with the dark objects then none of this would have happened. Likewise, Klaus concedes that, at the end of the day, he is just worried for her safety, and doesn’t want her to hole up with a cache of dark objects; he wants to protect her himself. Aww.

I was wrong in one of my criticisms of last episode: I complained that Elijah killed Ariana for her visions of the pale horse, but he seemed unconcerned that Aya was also witness to that information. But it turns out Aya, having not had the visual aids, had no idea what Ariana’s ramblings meant. So my apologies to The Originals. And thank you for clearing that up.

Aya tells Marcel that the Strix have another plan to avert disaster from the Originals death prophecy. With the right gaggle of witches, particularly including Davina, they have a spell or something that will negate the clause that dictates all vampires from an Original sire line will die if that Original is killed. I don’t know why that wasn’t Plan A, but cleverness is cleverness, regardless.

Freya’s absence is felt, but I’d prefer for characters to stay away if they’re not necessary, so I respect the decision. Marcel could use some of that thinking, though I suspect Charles Michael Davis’ contract would get in the way.

Davina’s consecration of Ariana is kind of sweet. I wonder how she’ll feel about it after Josh tells her she slit his throat?

Ariana does do one final kindness to Davina and tells the bitch to get the lead out and save Kol, already. Don’t make the poor boy endure another season of Significant Mother. For God’s sake.

Oh, and Aurora defies her ingrained mental retardation and fashions the pale horse into some Original-killing bullets. Let’s hope that, for her sake, her marksmanship is better than her hair care.

The Originals Dead Angels Aurora

She had a powerful, competent, allied witch on the Strix inside, and she killed her for what was essentially a gag and a pathetic one-liner? Aurora just can’t be salvaged, can she?

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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