The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 11 – TV Review

TVD Things We Lost In The Fire Elena burns

It turns out she was… fired.

So Damon’s hell isn’t over yet. It’s only just beginning.

Any sane person would be thrilled to see Elena turned to ash, but I guess Damon’s still a little wonky from the Phoenix Stone.

TL;DR Damon struggles with Phoenix Stone PTSD and accidentally burns Elena’s body; Stefan also has Stone-induced struggles that make him question his allegiance to Damon; Caroline has a baby shower; Julian has overrun Mystic Falls with biker vampires.

Are hordes of vampire buddies really that easy to come by?

So Damon’s out of the Phoenix Stone frying pan and into the PTSD fire, as his visions of Henry keep up. Stefan tries to have some bro bonding time to keep him sane, but Damon instead ditches Stefan and forces Tyler to take him to Elena. Despite knowing that his visions of Henry are merely hallucinations, Damon tries to set Henry, who has taken Elena’s place inside the coffin, on fire, anyway, and is horrified when it turns out he’s actually killed Elena for real. I’m so distraught. Meanwhile, Stefan recalls his early days out of the Stone when he would see visions of Damon, and was plagued by a nightmare of he and Damon drowning in the quarry together. The visions resurface in the now, and Stefan realises the Phoenix Stone is trying to tell him to let Damon go. But Stefan, ever the moral guardian, is like “Nah, I choose endless disappointment,” and stays committed to his brother. Meanwhile, Caroline is upset to find out Alaric will be moving far away after his babies are born; Bonnie invites Baby Spice to the baby shower, which makes Matt angry; Julian lords over Mystic Falls, which he has populated with gross vampire cronies; and we might finally have a lead on who’s hunting down the gang in the flash forwards, as present day Baby Spice receives a postcard threat from the Huntress, the Phoenix Sword’s owner.

Matt also appears to have allied himself with the Huntress in the flash forwards. Because he’s a fucking liability.

So I’m not too happy about this PTSD shit with Damon and Stefan. I got a little bit excited last week when Damon’s hell was in and out in the space of only one episode. But now we have to deal with hallucinations, and hallucination related stupidity.

That Huntress thing is pretty cute, though. TVD is aching for some forward momentum.

 

Why I hate this episode:

The Huntress thing comes out of nowhere, though. Baby Spice just gets an ominous postcard and is then all “The Huntress has killed thousands of vampires and is unstoppable and is literally the apocalypse.” Then how come you haven’t been concerned about her before now?

I mentioned last week that I was a little disappointed that we didn’t get to see Stefan’s hell, but it’s clear now that I don’t know what I want, because what little we got of it was dull. At least it included the quarry drowning, so it was more consistent with the established lore than Damon’s. But it changes it up to have Damon and Stefan drowning together, and Damon constantly pulling Stefan down when Stefan tries to surface. The message about Stefan needing to let Damon go is about as anvilicious as you can get. Boo.

Damon’s message from the Phoenix Stone is that he needs to free himself from his emotional attachments and become the monster he needs to be. So then why did, just one episode, the Phoenix Stone work so hard to get him to cry and blubber over mummy?

Damon’s incineration of Elena is a joke. He fucking knows that Henry is a hallucination, yet he still tries to set him on fire, anyway. Idiot.

And for double demerit points, I suspect that Elena wasn’t in the coffin, and seeing her was just more mind tricks. Tyler relents on bringing Damon to her too easily; Tyler had a gun stashed and ready, which indicates that he was indeed faking Damon out; and TVD would never let Elena be dispatched so unceremoniously. We’ll have to keep wishing and hoping, then.

Matt is reaching unbearable levels of wet blanket-ness. His bitch at Bonnie over inviting Baby Spice is yawn-worthy because it’s so utterly predictable. But the kicker is his apparent alliance with the Huntress in the flash forwards. He saves Caroline, but it’s clear they’re not on good terms, and his mission is to root out Stefan and kill him or something. He also mentions that he has a dead wife and family, which I couldn’t give any less of a fuck about.

Back in the present, he gets arrested for drink driving, and appears to have some budding relationship with the female officer who arrested him and finds his vampire hunting paraphernalia. Double yawn.

Baby Spice got an invitation to the baby shower, but not Enzo?

Tyler gets his head bashed in by Damon, but he’s not confirmed dead. So close.

Bonnie mentions that Baby Spice helped get Stefan out of the Phoenix Stone. Isn’t she the one who put him in?

Oh, and several times in the episode our heroes are within heart-tearing distance of Julian, yet do nothing. For fuck’s sake, just fucking kill him. I just don’t understand why they don’t. It’s so easy.

 

But it’s not all bad:

Julian acts smug around the boys because he knows the trauma they’re going through from the Phoenix Stone. Which means his eventual, and inevitable, death will be sweet.

Caroline’s baby drama surprisingly didn’t irk me this episode. Her disappointment at Alaric’s revelation that he’ll be moving away with the babies was given enough subtlety and time to breathe. Her control freak alarms must be blaring, but she still has the decency to respect that the babies aren’t really hers. What a sweetie.

And Alaric is about to become a DILF, which makes her future hook-up with him fairly easy to swallow.

The Huntress tidbit is the most valuable moment this episode. With Julian doing pretty much nothing but gloat, and the Heretics less active than ever, it’s time for a new villain to step up. And now TVD has an excuse to shift the lesbians from villains to heroes and keep them. So there may be gays in Mystic Falls for some time to come. Way to get there, TVD.

And if future Matt is allied with our supervillain, we might finally get an excuse to kill him off. Yes, please.

I enjoyed Matt’s humiliation at being arrested. I suspect the arresting officer is that dead wife future Matt spoke of. So I look forward to his grief at her death.

Damon gets best line of the episode with this simple but fun statement when Tyler returns: “Tyler Lock-wolf.” It’s an easy hit, but it works.

I accurately predicted that Damon would just heal Bonnie with vampire blood after his attack on her last episode. But he also does the same to Matt. Does Matt not wear his resurrection ring at all anymore? I forget.

Damon calls Stefan pussy whipped. Has he ever not been?

Oh, and Damon is doing a piss poor job of picking up on Tyler’s obvious signals. Come on, dude. The gays are allowed in Mystic Falls, now, remember?

TVD Things We Lost In The Fire Tyler Damon

Josh is in need of a new love interest.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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