Pretty Little Liars Season 6 Episode 12 – TV Review

PLL Charlotte's Web Hanna realisation

I feel that.

Well, my hopes of having B come roaring in and tearing this stale, old maid of a soap opera apart were in vain.

Instead of dumping in a new, replacement A, PLL has instead gone for the “offer absolutely nothing” option.

I suppose that’s what we deserve. I mean, we only have ourselves to blame for still sticking with this show.

TL;DR B does not rise, and instead we’re treated to half-baked suspicions that maybe Aria or Ezra killed Cece; Caleb and Spencer flirt or whatever; Veronica starts to realise that Spencer’s history could be bad for her senatorial campaign; the Liars all give into their first impulse and lie and hide evidence, rather than displaying any self-awareness from their past ordeals.

Why learn and grow up when you can pretend you’re still in high school?

It’s about time we returned to the Liar-by-Liar breakdown, so here it is:

Aria takes lead position this episode, as it’s revealed that she snuck out of the hotel the night Cece was murdered. And she was out and about during the time of Cece’s death. Ooh. Aria denies it, but thinks that Ezra, who she met, might have killed Cece. Aria also gets a mandate from her boss to kick Ezra’s butt into gear and deliver his next book, which looks like it’s about Aussie Chick’s murder.

Hanna helps the Liars retrieve surveillance footage from the hotel that shows Aria’s late night elopement. And despite her protestations, ends up deleting it, rather than taking it pre-emptively to the police and sorting everything out now. Her bland fiancè also turns up. He is Australian and not fat.

Spencer seems poised to catch Caleb’s dick in the near future, as they work together to try and squash circling rumours about Spencer’s involvement in Cece’s murder, which could impact Veronica’s campaign. Spencer also just happened to write a criminology paper back in college that mirrors Cece’s death, so that sucks.

Emily trades up from kitchen scum Talia to a new love interest who this time is the manager of Ezra’s cafe. She’s still hiding her college dropout status from everyone, especially her mum. And she has some kind of illness, which we presume is cancer.

And Alison spends her episode cutting the word “subtle” out of all the dictionaries in her house and flat out accusing the Liars of murdering Cece (particularly Aria. Because fuck Aria).

But, like, who cares? We know Alison does. But Alison could possibly be the worst human in the PLL-verse, so that doesn’t count for much.

Given Rosewood PD’s stellar track record, I say they should just cut their losses and let the murder of Cece, a Biblical-level psychopath, go unsolved.

Lorenzo doesn’t even seem to want Alison’s sex anymore, so it’s not like he has a stake in placating her.

 

Why I hate this episode:

The worst part is how, despite all the mistakes they made in high school, and five years of supposedly smart living (except Emily), they still immediately elect to delete the hotel surveillance footage, thereby opening themselves up to attack from B later on. For fuck’s sake you fucking dickheads, just go tell the truth. Hell, if Aria is so concerned that Ezra might have done it, fucking turn him in. I just can’t believe they’re still making the same mistakes.

On the other hand, Alison, perpetuating her monumental badass decay, is making new mistakes out of unearned familial devotion to Cece. I don’t care how many times Alison screeches “my sister, my sister,” I’m not going to forget what Cece did. You’re better off without her.

Back to the pointless lying side of things, Aria is needlessly concealing her relationship with Liam from her colleagues. Because he is a colleague, too. You’d think Aria would have learned a thing or two about taboo relationships, but nope.

I still find it hilariously absurd that Veronica ever thought Spencer wouldn’t be a hindrance to a senatorial campaign. PLL forgets about all the other stuff Spencer has done the entire series (dating her sister’s boyfriend/s, being sent to an insane asylum, etc) and finally has Veronica think “Hmm, maybe not” after the criminology paper stuff. If Veronica ends up winning her bid by the end of the series, PLL will have made even greater fools of us all.

Jordan is shit. He’s a jawline and a tight shirt. Nothing more. He and Caleb do the required dick-measuring, but Jordan’s not even any fun in that scene. I know I should be more compassionate to an Aussie, a compatriot, but no. Snooze.

Of course PLL had to drop the cancer bomb on one of the Liars. Jesus Christ.

Hanna says “wine opener” instead of “corkscrew.” Fucking Millennials.

Oh, and Sara is still hanging around. But she is no longer a suspect for Cece’s murder because she has weak arms or something, and couldn’t have hit Cece hard enough to kill her. Well fuck off, then.

 

But it’s not all bad:

Maybe she will fuck off, then?

The juiciest revelation of the episode is that Aria legitimately suspects Ezra might have killed Cece. While they were out on the night of the murder, they spotted Cece in town. Ezra hurriedly put a drunk Aria into a taxi to return to the hotel, but he could have easily unleashed his rage on Cece afterwards. Or Aria is lying. The show is called Pretty Little Liars, you know.

Alison’s maniacal devotion to Cece is appalling, but I do appreciate that she is so willing to sell out her friends to the police. She tells Lorenzo at the end of the episode that she thinks they did it. Can you believe it if they did? That’d be hot.

I’m looking forward to Emily finally being found out for her lies about college. And if she does have cancer, let us hope it’s aggressive and unable to be treated.

Spencer and Caleb seem to be officially on the romantic collision course. They have a fuckton more chemistry together than Hanna and Jordan do. I’ll allow it.

I was happy to hear that Cece was hit so hard in the head that she died, and was then thrown from the bell tower. Any overkill on that bitch is welcome.

Oh, and Hanna momentarily stands against the plan to delete the surveillance footage. Because it could get Ashley in trouble. What a sweetie.

PLL Charlotte's Web group shot

Everything’s coming up Hanna. Except for the wooden fiancè. And the murder investigation.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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