Poltergeist (2015) – CBF Review

Poltergeist Sam Rockwell Rosemarie DeWitt

“We’re getting paid for this, right?”

There isn’t a whole lot to say about this new Poltergeist. It’s an inferior, CGI-laden remake of a horror classic.

At least Rooney Mara isn’t here to stink up this one.

The plot follows the original almost identically: a family moves into a house that is infested with mischievous spirits. The little girl looks creepy and says “They’re here;” there’s a creepy tree; there’s a creepy clown; and a wacky psychic comes to help out. The major differences this time around is that everyone looks bored to even be on set, and the Indian burial ground reveal that made the original famous is just dumped out in some throwaway early dialogue (and it’s just a regular cemetery now). And the house explodes this time, instead of the iconic implosion of the original.

I hate this movie because it really is inferior in every aspect, up to and including how boring the architecture of the house is (the original had that wonky, 70s vibe to it. This one is just Any House USA); it strands Sam Rockwell in a boring dad role, and instead focuses on the kids (boo); and Jared Harris might be kind of cool, but he’s no fucking Tangina. Zelda Rubinstein cannot be touched.

But it’s not all bad because Sam Rockwell is still Sam Rockwell, so I’m glad to see him getting work; some of the effects are cool (the drill through the wall works); and the young daughter looks a lot like Rosemarie DeWitt, so good job, casting department.

Verdict: 2 out of 5 stars.

It’s a bland, passionless cash grab. Just like the Mr Burns Casino.

Poltergeist 2015 explosion

Will Gamblor feature in the sequel?

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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