The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 4 – TV Review

TVD I Carry Your Heart With Me Halloween episode

Yes, please.

You know how we were starting to see that problem last week of the Heretics having their villainy eroded at breakneck speed?

Yeah, that isn’t stopping.

TL;DR Baby Spice and Sporty Spice pout about relationship drama at a Halloween party; as do Stefan and Caroline; the Phoenix Stone resurrects Six so Damon can bargain back Elena’s coffin; Enzo teams up with Ginger Spice to prevent Julian from coming to town.

He’s certainly an upgrade from Stefan, Ginger.

So the plot is following on from last episode’s little ransom demand from Damon, except of course that Six is dead now. Damon appeals to Bonnie and Alaric to test the Phoenix Stone on Six, while Stefan and Caroline keep Baby and Sporty busy with a Halloween dance (Baby and Sporty have come to hassle our heroes to hurry up and hand over Six, who they presume is still alive). Stefan and Caroline whinge about the difficulties of their relationship a bit, while Baby and Sporty do the same thing (Sporty is jealous that Baby is so comfortable living in the modern world and thinks she will leave her). Stefan and Caroline do manage to hustle a siphoning of that no-touch spell, though. Meanwhile, Alaric and Bonnie happily test out the Phoenix Stone on Six. It works, but he comes back a bit crazy and ravenous and murders some random tourists trespassing in Mystic Falls. But Damon gets Elena back, so whatever. The episode ends as Jo awakes from the effects of the Phoenix Stone. And Ginger, now pretty much screwed if Six blabs about how she killed him, finds solace in Enzo, who is getting fed up with Lily’s ignorance of his affections. They scheme to prevent Julian from returning to Lily’s folds.

And Tyler, just one episode after I begged for him not to show up, shows up. But only briefly.

All in all, it’s not a bad episode of The Vampire Diaries. There’s a big party with costumes and stuff, which is what a CW teen soap opera does best. Bonnie and Alaric make encouragingly quick progress with the Phoenix Stone, and Elena’s even been safely spirited away by an in-and-out Tyler.

If only it weren’t for the utter wimpening of the Heretics.

TVD seemed to learn one thing from the Original vampires, at least: speed up the relatable angst.

 

Why I hate this episode:

But these are our villains, right? With Posh dead, Ginger’s pregnancy-losing backstory last episode, and Baby and Sporty’s gay troubles/relationship drama this episode, we’re going to have no antagonists worth a damn. Six may be rip-happy when in a frenzy, but Stefan does that every now and then, so it’s no biggie. Lily’s schtick from last season about how she doesn’t give a shit about her biological sons is already fading away. Our only hopes left are Scary Spice, who, being a mute black man, will definitely not be evil; and the darling Julian. But Julian alone surely would be no match for our heroes, or even the remaining Heretics. Season 6 was saved by Kai. Season 7 doesn’t appear to be so lucky.

Baby and Sporty’s whole “we’ll kill a Whitmore student every hour until Six is returned” thing is treated as trifling at worst. Stefan and Caroline just chaperone them and use vampire blood to heal most of the supposed victims. Baby and Sporty’s lack of objection to Stefan and Caroline hanging out with them is baffling, too. They know they can’t trust them, right?

The fact that the Heretics are so willing to chum around with their enemies is further proof that they are not the villains we need.

Caroline tells Stefan that she’s scared that his love for Ginger will resurface when he sees her again. Bitch, he had sex with her one time a century and a half ago. And in the whole time you’ve known him, he’s never mentioned her. You’ll be fine.

Six seems to have convenient memory loss from around the time he died, so he likely won’t be able to blow up Ginger’s spot. Boo.

Oh, and Damon resolves to move back to Mystic Falls to prevent Lily’s kids from committing any more massacres. If this method doesn’t involve murdering them, which we’ve seen is very effective (thanks, Posh), then who cares?

 

But it’s not all bad:

Although I was glad to see Six killed, because I want all the Heretics killed, I don’t mind that he’s been resurrected. The shot of him slaughtering the bus of tourists on the ghost tour was pretty cool, and a lot splashier than TVD usually gets. Damon eventually snaps his neck, and we see him resting in bed with Lily watching over him (Lily mentions that a ripper frenzy isn’t exactly out of character for Six, too). Let’s hope the Phoenix Stone hasn’t stopped his frat bro ways.

I also applaud Alaric and Bonnie for being so willing to test the Phoenix Stone out on him. I was worried it’d be a limited use thing, or that the stone would have to be attached at all times to work. But it’s not, and Alaric and Bonnie were very smart to test it out on a guinea pig first. Team Damon rides again.

Stefan and Caroline don’t spend that much time bitching about Ginger, and do manage to siphon out that no-touch spell, so I’ll give them points for that. And then they promptly suck face and have sex. I respect it.

Tyler’s return is brief. We only see him show up to take Elena’s coffin and presumably stash it away somewhere for Damon. Don’t come back, Ty.

Enzo puts his detective hat on and, with the help of Matt, deduces that Ginger is likely Six’s killer. Ginger admits it, and explains that it was to prevent Julian’s return. Once Enzo finds out Julian could be an insurmountable love rival, he and Ginger unite to keep Julian from getting back into Lily’s arms. Julian’s only a puny vampire, right? Just stake that bitch and call it a day.

Baby and Sporty’s relationship drama is surprisingly sincere. Baby is a natural with modern technology and lifestyles, while Sporty is still mired in her centuries-old ways. This comes to a head when Sporty catches Baby feeding on a hot bartender they’d earlier encountered, and Sporty’s worry about Baby leaving her now that they’re no longer forced together in a prison world seems to have been realised. Thankfully for Sporty, Baby is committed to the relationship, and they make up. Aww.

The flash forward shows Alaric with two young daughters. Damon appears on his doorstep to warn him (I think?) about the person who’s hunting them, but Alaric and Damon don’t appear to be on good terms. Colour me intrigued.

Oh, and “no gays in Mystic Falls” has been officially put to bed, as we get a nice big kiss between Baby and Sporty. Poor Luke.

TVD I Carry Your Heart With Me gay kiss

If Aiden and Josh didn’t make it, then what chance do these mass-murdering psychopaths have?

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

5 responses to “The Vampire Diaries Season 7 Episode 4 – TV Review”

  1. Alexander says :

    Do you think Damon becomes evil again? But the awesome kind? He was acting very Season 1 in that flash forward

    • ijusthateeverything says :

      I’d like to hope so. But TVD seems hellbent on making him as squishy and sensitive as possible, so I won’t hold my breath.

      Although, with the nerfing of the Heretics, somebody’s got to step up. It might as well be him.

  2. Dave says :

    I’d like to see more of Nora and Mary-Louise “together”. For real though, the writers want us to feel for the Heretics like we do for the Originals but that took seasons for that to happen and I don’t think TVD has seasons left. Maybe one more.

    • ijusthateeverything says :

      I can’t imagine much of TVD’s fanbase would be of the homophobic variety, so I agree that we should be seeing a lot more of the girls together. At season 7, and having lost its star, TVD needs to just become the gimmicky mess that seems to work so well for Supernatural and push ahead.

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