The Originals Season 3 Episode 2 – TV Review

The Originals You Hung The Moon Elijah Hope

Elijah: singlehandedly making lube obsolete.

The Hayley Hotness Parade was brief and bright (and Hayley is still pretty hot), but it’s time for Elijah to take back his rightful place.

Mainly because Hayley spends a lot of time mashing face with Jackson, which is a guaranteed way to torpedo your hotness property values.

TL;DR Davina uses Hayley to massacre a bunch of insubordinate witches; the rest of our heroes spend most of the episode trying to find Hayley; Hayley and Klaus put aside their animosity for Hope’s sake; Hayley still hasn’t opened her eyes to see that Elijah is a better choice than Jackson; Jason Dohring brings Camille further into the serial killer investigation; Lucien denies being the killer, and denies being a threat to any of the Originals.

I don’t know, man. With a name like Lucien, you’re either a villain, or you’re RuPaul’s music producer. Which means you’re also a villain. And I know he spells his with an “a,” so shutup.

So Hayley is still technically missing, as Davina has her locked up and ready to use. She offers Hayley a reprieve or possibly even a cure from the Crescent curse if Hayley assassinates that witch that attacked her last episode. So Hayley does kill the bitch, but is promptly attacked by a witch mob. She also kills them, but it turns out it had been engineered by Davina, who uses the tragedy to pledge her leadership to the remaining witches. I’m proud of her. Meanwhile, Elijah and a human-form Jackson go into panic mode in their search for Hayley, while Klaus remains largely indifferent. Elijah and Jackson attack Lucien as a possible suspect, but he denies involvement. Klaus, too, eventually feels guilty enough to ask Freya to perform a locator spell (which fails thanks to Davina’s cloaking spell), but Hayley finds her way back to the compound on her own to reclaim Hope. She and Klaus fight for a bit before realising parental strife is what causes their own damaged personalities, so Klaus allows Hayley and Jackson to live with Hope across the street. Eww. Jackson. Meanwhile, Jason has suspicions of Camille due to her family’s track record of being always around for mass murders and violent deaths, but determines that she will be an asset in catching the killer. And the third remaining vampire sire line leader is Tristan, Aurora’s brother, who is the leader of Elijah’s line (Aurora is therefore, indeed, Rebekah’s line leader).

Aurora is in a mountaintop mental hospital, by the way. Women be cray, amirite?

We’re still in the setup stages of the season, and I expect a certain amount of dancing around things. But I can’t abide any episode that sees Elijah and Jackson teaming up. And definitely not one that sees them teaming up to solve a mystery (“where Hayley at?”) to which we already know the answer.

Elijah should have just killed Jackson in the bayou and said the mercenaries did it.

Damn his nobility.


Why I hate this episode:

Seriously, get the fuck out, Jackson. Watching him and Hayley get their little love scene at the end of the episode is absolutely intolerable. Even if she’s not willing to be with Elijah (what’s wrong with you!?), Jackson isn’t hot enough, smart enough, or cool enough to bother with. That bloody marriage of magical convenience is such a burden. Can’t we just fly Bonnie in to find a witchy woo way around it?

And why does Hayley automatically get Hope, again? Remember, they don’t know exactly how much time Davina’s temporary hold on the Crescent curse will last. It’s in the form of a single candle, so however long a big candle lasts, then? Because I don’t think an apartment where both parents could randomly become uncontrollably savage werewolves is a safe environment for a baby. Klaus may be an arsehole to everyone around him, but at least he’s good to Hope. Hayley tried to fucking kidnap and run away with her, for fuck’s sake.

Davina has an obligatory cry after Marcel accuses her of engineering the witch massacre. Because she engineered the witch massacre. Damn, Davina. At least own your supervillainy. It’s not like you only now realise that intentionally setting a trap for the death of eleven of your charges is not totally heroic.

There’s a new character who I don’t care about. He’s the son of one of the dead witches, and he is convinced Davina is responsible for the massacre. He seems a bit swishy, so I assume he’ll be a love interest for Josh. If Josh ever comes back.

The show seems to be playing with the possibility that Lucien isn’t the Glasgow smile serial killer. I actually would appreciate the story being a bit more complicated, but the signs point to Lucien so convincingly that it’s hard not to see Camille and Jason Dohring’s “investigation” as little more than treading water.

Jason Dohring may be a totally fit, aging Logan Echolls, but if he gets in the way of Camille and Klaus getting together, I’ll jump into my TV and kill him myself. This shit’s been teased since the backdoor bloody pilot. It needs to happen soon. No more complications, please.

Klaus twat-blocks Freya when she brings home a fuckboy from clubbing. Rude.

Oh, and Hope is such a buzzkill. Her appearance stops an otherwise enjoyable fight between Klaus and Hayley. Boo.


But it’s not all bad:

Hayley’s point about how their struggles with their own parents caused them to become such broken adults is fair. I’m pretty sure choosing Jackson to raise your child over Elijah is the highest form of child abuse, though.

Hayley finally gets something to do this episode, which is a nice change of pace. She grudgingly agrees to the assassination mission because Davina will stave off the Crescent curse. Davina also claims to be working on a permanent fix with help from the ancestors, but she only ends up with the candle thing that keeps the curse at bay for now. Much tension.

Hayley kills the fuck out of a bunch of witches, and that’s something I can always get behind. The witches of New Orleans are probably the worst group of people in the TVD-verse. They deserve it.

And I don’t know if Phoebe Tonkin lost a bit of weight or has been toning up or something, but she looks absolutely slammin’. And she looks like a woman now, and not that bitchy mean girl from The Secret Circle.

The Elijah/Jackson team up provides one good scene in the form of their assault on Lucien. Klaus tells them where to find him, but Elijah can’t get into the penthouse because Lucien put it under a barrier spell or something. So he throws a stake through Lucien’s neck. The CGI is a little rubbish, but Jackson follows up with a werewolf bite. It’s a solid scheme.

Lucien claims innocence. He wouldn’t dare be doing anything to lead to the death of an original, despite the tactical advantage killing off an entire sire line of his enemies would yield. Because he knows that the remaining two Originals will spend eternity hunting him down. Clever boy.

And Lucien doesn’t even need no Klaus blood to cure his werewolf bite. He has a briefcase with vials of cloudy liquid that evidently does that for him. Cool.

Speaking of sire lines, we get a little bit of time with Aurora and Tristan at the mountain asylum. Aurora is crazy or whatever, and Tristan won’t let her out yet. But Tristan is coming to New Orleans soon. Go on.

Freya gets best line of the episode when explaining the compound to her fuckboy: “You’ll find bourbon on basically every horizontal surface.” Replace that bourbon with inexpensive Sauvignon Blanc, and I’m home.

Davina’s tears aside, that girl is a cold hard bitch. Our little deus ex machina is growing up.

Camille is still getting decent screentime, which is encouraging. And hey, maybe Jason Dohring’s attraction will spur Klaus into action? Finally.

Jason surprises Camille with knowledge of all the mysterious deaths and atrocities circling around her family. He then steals her computer to snoop through her shit, but later assures her that he doesn’t think she’s a suspect. Instead, due to her family history, he thinks she’s sure to help him catch the serial killer.

Freya does a spell so that she and Elijah can experience the visions Klaus had last episode. The prediction states that all three Original vampires will “fall:” one by friend, one by foe, and one by family. I reckon Klaus is an easy candidate for the “by family.”

Oh, and Elijah has a scene with Hayley that is a nice reassurance that their sexual and romantic tension is most definitely unresolved.

The Originals You Hung The Moon Elijah tears

I think we need to get her some professional help. Things are just out of control at this point.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

8 responses to “The Originals Season 3 Episode 2 – TV Review”

  1. Catherine Dream says :

    I will never not cackle at the ‘swishy’ characters and your outrage at Hayley choosing Jackson over Elijah. I do think she’s crazy. But also, completely and entirely GORGEOUS. That fight with Klaus? I was like HELL yes.

  2. J says :

    “Jason Dohring may be a totally fit, aging Logan Echolls, but if he gets in the way of Camille and Klaus getting together, I’ll jump into my TV and kill him myself.”

    You’ll have to beat me to it. I can’t stand the tension anymore, what with Klaus looking like he wants to eat Cami for breakfast (in a good way) and her looking particularly gorgeous this season.

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