American Horror Story – Discontinued

Only on The CW. And even then…

Yeah, I’m not sticking around to endure another Coven or Freak Show.

I’m out.

Much like those two subpar entries (and that’s being generous), American Horror Story: Hotel again fails to be anything close to scary or shocking.

It’s just boring.

Who would have thought that a series with seasons like the first two could be just undeniably, and proudly, boring.

I’ve watched more bad American Horror Story than good American Horror Story by now. I’m even starting to wonder whether I even genuinely liked the first two seasons, or if I was just dazzled by the randomness of it all, like Freak Show and Hotel’s supporters seem to be.

Even Scream Queens, in all its also-unscary shittiness, is still kind of trying. American Horror Story: Hotel’s premiere is just a lifeless barrage of “look at how weird this is” stuff pelted at the viewer. There’s no backbone. It’s just a sloppy bag of meat without anything to keep it in order.

If Scream Queens is the knowing parody, then American Horror Story is the unknowing parody. And I’m not gonna waste my time, or yours, with it anymore.

But hey, that spike strap-on rape of Max Greenfield was pretty hot, huh?

Come on, Zooey. It’s your turn next.