Scream Season 1 Episode 5 – TV Review

Scream Exposed Brooke scissors

Not on this show, baby.

During a paranoia sequence this episode, Scream neglects to include any female characters in Emma’s suspect pool.

And with Brooke growing more sympathetic by the episode, I think we’re going to have to pin our hopes on Piper if we’re going to have a female villain.

Either that, or Daisy could turn out to be a really shit mum.

TL;DR Another bloodless episode; a new detective arrives in town to take over the case; Emma conceals the killer from them, because Scream is determined to steal from Pretty Little Liars as much as it can; Insensitive Jock is really building his resume as our asshole victim; the Mayor and Hot Teacher emerge as new suspects.

The Scream film series has only had one adult (Roman doesn’t count because he’s about the same age as Sidney) killer (Mama Loomis), versus two female killers (Mama Loomis and Jill). So maybe it’s their time to shine?

And I’m name upgrading Insensitive Jock to Jake. Because I remembered it this time. Struggle on, New Guy. Your chance may come.

The killer and their killings take a backseat this episode while we trudge through our requisite soap operatics. Emma manages to essentially brush off her sex tape from last episode, but we do learn something interesting about it: back in freshman year, before Emma knew the group, Bella bet Will he couldn’t bang Emma within a month of meeting her. He accepted, succeeded, and filmed the evidence. Emma fucks Will off, and Will has a bitch at Brooke for blabbing, and a fight with Jake because he’s Brooke’s bestie. Well, except for the part where Jake is blackmailing her dad, the Mayor. Mr Mayor only coughs up $10,000, so Jake gets a little rough with him, causing Will to back out of the blackmailing arrangement. So Jake knocks it up a notch and puts Mr Mayor on the trail of solely Will as the blackmailer. Nice. Back to Emma, she conceals her interactions with the killer from a new state detective called in to take over the case, as the killer threatens Daisy’s life. Meanwhile, Audrey and Friend Zone find out that the video hacking malware that Bella and the gang used traces back to Hot Teacher; Piper reveals a bit of her own backstory; Sheriff and State Detective have a sexual past; and Emma hooks up with New Guy (I forgot he existed) to get back at Will.

Yeah, being easy oughtta show him for treating you like you were easy. Girl power!

Each episode seems to pull me closer to legitimately liking Scream. As much as I want to resist to defend the film series’ honour, this really isn’t a bad show.

As I’ve said before, and will gladly say again, Scream shits all over Eye Candy. And in comparing it to Teen Wolf, Scream is far more coherent. It hasn’t got the same ballsy, we-don’t-give-a-fuck-what-happens pizzazz of Teen Wolf. But in a world where Bates Motel isn’t back until next year, this is a satisfying horror snack in the meantime.

Sorry, Hannibal.


Why I hate this episode:

I really do want some more bloodshed. If you’re going to largely abandon the meta references, then at least give me the slasher violence.

I sincerely enjoy Brooke and Jake together. They make a great team. I just wish he wasn’t blackmailing the shit out of her dad on the side. Every cute scene they have together is very nice until I remember what he’s doing, and then I’m like “Oh. Damn.”

Also, he and Will aren’t at all bothered by the fact that the video they’re holding over Mr Mayor’s head, which they both have presumably seen if they’re blackmailing him, is of Mr Mayor dragging a fucking body from his car boot. Like, shit, guys. We might as well stamp “KILLER” on these two right now, because they’re obviously psychopaths.

Likewise, not that it’s a surprise, but Bella and Tyler would have also likely seen the video. There’s a fine line between teen douchebaggery and straight-up evil. And Scream doesn’t know where it is.

Also, Will is okay with blackmailing one of his best friends’ dads about a video of said dad dragging a dead body from his car, but draws the line at Jake breaking the blackmail victim’s nose? What?

Weirdly, Token Asian was also apparently in on these videos. Audrey and Friend Zone’s search into Emma’s sex tape (it was for research. Honest!) leads them to discover that there is a malware allowing access to people’s phone and webcams. It originates from the school’s language arts server, which is Hot Teacher’s jurisdiction. A later snoop into his computer reveals that Token Asian was one of the people who was using it. She didn’t strike me as the type.

There are only ten episodes in this season, Emma. We don’t have time for you to be concealing things from State Detective just because the killer threatens your mum. Especially when you were doing such a good job in earlier episodes of not acting like a PLL character.

Emma picks up a coveted, I Just Hate Everything worst line of the episode when rebutting Will’s attempts to apologise for the bet: “You sound like a bad romantic comedy. Except we didn’t meet cute. We met sick/twisted.” The episode’s one attempt to go meta, and it’s flubbed. Shame, Emma.

Piper tells Emma that her dad was murdered when she was little and his case was never solved, and that’s why she now seeks out the truth. Change the world: start a podcast.

Sheriff gets taken off the case, but is further humiliated by being told to enforce the town curfew. But then everyone goes to a candlelight vigil. Which is, you know, at nighttime. So is there a curfew or isn’t there?

Oh, and Emma and Audrey continue to bond, despite Audrey’s super cuntishness from early episodes. Emma might have forgotten, but I haven’t, bitch.


But it’s not all bad:

It’s a Brooke-heavy episode, and thank God for that. The less Audrey we can get, the better.

Brooke gets two major threads this episode. The first is that, now that the sex tape is out, she wants to come clean to Emma about the bet, which is a secret they’ve all been keeping for a year. And she does. Kudos.

Secondly, she finds out from her dad that her mum isn’t on holiday, but is in fact at rehab. She’ll have to take his word for it, though, as her mum can’t be contacted for sixty days. But later, when Jake shows her the blackmail video, she notices that it’s dated the day after her mum originally left town. Oh, dear.

Jake manages to shine in both his allegiance to Brooke, and his total undermining of her. And Will. After Brooke blabs about the bet, Will confronts her. So Jake takes this opportunity to fight with Will. I normally don’t approve of fist fighting over a woman, but if all these kids are psychopath suspects, I suppose it’s fine.

Once Will has backed out of the blackmail, Jake strategically visits Brooke at home and has a cute scene where he brings her pizza. He then confesses to her that her dad is being blackmailed. But only by Will. We see Mr Mayor watching the surveillance camera feed and hearing this info. And Jake knew he would, because the blackmail video is footage from those surveillance cameras, so he knows where they are. Smart.

He and Brooke then retire to her bedroom to watch the video (which he claims he hasn’t seen yet, and found on Will’s phone).

Emma does the best she can as a mule to drag along the plot. I don’t approve of her throwing her face into that of New Guy’s. But I do appreciate that she’s given Will the flick.

New Guy proves his prowess with a gun, but Emma doesn’t accept his offer to receive his gun to protect herself. She does accept his offer of outdoor sex, though.

Audrey and Friend Zone get some gratefully minimal screentime merely to shine a light on Hot Teacher as our new suspect.

Daisy and Sheriff hook up. With his sexual history with State Detective, who was his old partner, it looks like Sheriff is an old hand at office romances.

Emma may withhold information from State Detective, but she is convinced that the killer is targeting Emma’s family. Push on, baby. This town could use some competent law enforcement.

The killer sends a mass message that mocks Will for ejaculating so quickly in the sex tape. It’s good to see some equal opportunity sex shaming.

Oh, and given the fact that Jake hasn’t tried to fuck Brooke yet, I’m still backing my prediction of a gay reveal for him.

Scream Exposed Jake Brooke bedroom video

Yeah, that should have been Token Asian’s job.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

5 responses to “Scream Season 1 Episode 5 – TV Review”

  1. Teylen says :

    Hm, you don’t like Hannibal?
    Haven’t seen this season, just heard it’s been weak..

    • ijusthateeverything says :

      I loved Hannibal season 1. I put up with Hannibal season 2. And I’m glad Hannibal has been cancelled after season 3. It was a great little gory police procedural that devolved into an overly arch, self-important soap opera melodrama.

      Mads Mikkelsen needs to move on to greener pastures.

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