Scream Season 1 Episode 3 – TV Review

Scream Wanna Play A Game Audrey hangs herself

Alright, alright, Audrey. I apologise. You’re totally not a lesbian. We believe you.

And just kidding on Audrey. She’s not actually hanging herself.

She’s just mock hanging herself in her dead girlfriend’s bedroom while the wake is going on downstairs.

For research.

Much less disturbing.

TL;DR Token Asian gets killed; the police are wildly incompetent, and also chasing a suspect we know is wrong (that’s not how red herrings work, MTV); Will and Insensitive Jock do shady shit just to eat up screentime; Audrey does not apologise for her cuntishness towards Emma when it’s revealed that Rachel didn’t kill herself.

Because Audrey is Sin from Arrow. And that’s a haughty, dumbass legacy that is evidently living on. Didn’t mind her in iZombie, though.

So Emma overhears her mum and the sheriff discussing the fact that Rachel’s death was a murder, not a suicide. She informs Audrey, while also confiding in her about the calls and texts she’s been receiving. Emma later discovers, with the help of New Guy, that her mum is the fabled Daisy, and bitches out said Daisy for hiding things. All this juiciness is put on hold when the gang receive distress texts apparently from Bella’s boyfriend. They go to the police, who arrange a sting operation to apprehend him, as he’s still the prime suspect in Bella’s murder. Which leaves poor little Token Asian at the police station completely unsupervised, and the killer gets her. Aww. Friend Zone was so close to escaping his title. What a shame. Meanwhile, Token Blonde pushes hard in her mission to entice Hot Teacher back into her vagina, without success; Friend Zone hooks up with Token Asian before her death; Emma is weirdly overconfident in her conversations with the killer; and Will and Insensitive Jock slapfight over some tin of money that the cool boys had, which somehow pertains to their spy video operation.

I don’t know. Are kids these days really proactive enough to bury money in the woods? In a world where serial killers don’t even bother calling you when they want to taunt you, I don’t buy it.

I didn’t find myself as bothered by the cheapness of the show as much this episode. Mainly because the pacing is very brisk, and we see a bit of budget evidence when we get a nice, practical effects car explosion at the end of the episode.

Could Scream be The Little MTV Show That Could?

Poor, poor Eye Candy.

 

Why I hate this episode:

The police sting operation is a total WTF. Every single officer from the police station apparently attends the sting to capture Bella’s boyfriend, which leaves Emma, Token Blonde, and Token Asian alone at the station. Token Blonde slips out after getting a sex invite from Hot Teacher (which is likely a ruse by the killer), and Emma leaves to look for her. Emma and her mum obviously have no qualms about leaving one of Emma’s friends behind at the police station. Daisy didn’t even offer her a ride. Rude.

Token Asian is then very easily lured outside by the killer, who is text posing as Bella’s boyfriend, and nobody hears her screams as she’s slain.

Bella’s boyfriend is a waste of a red herring, because we, the audience, know that he’s dead. He’s just a plot object to keep the authorities busy, which is no fun for us.

Token Blonde, in her frustration at Hot Teacher’s cooling off commands, leaves a naughty photo of herself somewhere in his classroom, and encourages him to find it. Instead of going through his classroom before class, Hot Teacher fucking looks for it not only during class, but during a lecture to the class. While all eyes are on him. He couldn’t even give them some bullshit quiz and wait until they were distracted? Jesus Christ, dude.

I don’t care about Will and Insensitive Jock’s squabble. Insensitive Jock is an idiot for not shutting down their operation, Will is a thief for stealing the money, and they’re both insufferable for even getting involved in this in the first place. Go make underage porn in your own time, boys. I’m not interested.

Audrey does not apologise to Emma once she knows that Emma’s bullying didn’t kill Rachel. I am fucking done with Audrey 100%. Just die, bitch.

Token Asian’s death isn’t theatrical or fun. The killer just stabs her once in the back while she’s climbing a ladder to escape him, and then slashes her leg. She dies kind of half leaning on the skylight. Bitch, at least get on the skylight and let your blood run all over it. Have you no sense for the dramatique?

The killer doesn’t even pursue or finish her. She just bleeds out. Friend Zone happens to video call her just as she’s dying, and she blubs and glubs instead of just being like “I’m on the roof of the police station.” Bonus demerit points to Emma, who simply sobs when she sees her body. Instead of, you know, checking her pulse or calling an ambulance, or even shouting to one of the cops to get up here and help, dammit. See? I told you these kids were lazy.

Piper is blander than a beige glass of milk.

Oh, and Emma’s attitude towards the killer contacting her pissed me off. Being disbelieving or rude to the killer on the phone isn’t new to Scream, but those scenes, even when they’re by the main character (Sidney’s first call from the killer in the first Scream, most effectively) always end in an attack to punish their hubris. But this show kind of just lets Emma do it. The consequence is supposed to be that they go and kill Token Asian in retaliation, but wouldn’t they have just done that, anyway? I mean, they are a serial killer, right? So Emma essentially gets away without comeuppance. Sloppy.

 

But it’s not all bad:

Token Asian’s death is muted, and her death pose is boring, but we get a lot of fake blood sloshing around while she limps along the rooftop. I appreciated it.

She also gets a teeny weeny whiff of a chase scene, which is a fantastic sign. If this were any other contemporary horror movie, she would have just been unceremoniously stabbed in the back while facing the car. But she gets to run away for a little bit, and she almost makes it up that ladder, too. Kudos.

She and Friend Zone almost have sex. Because she was so impressed by his video games. Way to pull that vag, Friend Zone. Nice.

After the gang all receive the SOS text from Bella’s boyfriend, they convene a meeting to decide what to do about it. Token Asian is the only one who thinks he’s worth helping, but the rest outvote her and they go to the police. Sensible actions? In a slasher? Never.

The killer hires a random dude on the Internet to show up at the sting location. Smart.

Emma, in only three episodes, already leaves the entire cast of Pretty Little Liars in the dust when she informs her mum about the threatening calls and messages she’s been receiving. God, can you imagine if the Liars had done that by episode 3? We wouldn’t have had to endure that entire show. Good work, Emma.

Emma also finds out, from case files that New Guy stole for her, that her mum is Daisy. Her mum refuses to give Emma any details when confronted (in particular, why the sheriff is so concerned about Emma’s dad being in the wind currently). I think the killer might have a point about those close to you, Emma.

At the end of the episode, the police find Bella’s boyfriend’s car crashed off a bridge. It then explodes as the sheriff gets close. So we might be getting a real red herring soon, hopefully.

Oh, and in a surprise highlight for the episode, Token Blonde and Insensitive Jock have a scene that showcases some wonderful chemistry. Not necessarily romantic chemistry, but more like bitchy best buds. With Token Asian out of the way, maybe these two will get some more time shine?

Scream Wanna Play A Game Insensitive Jock Token Blonde

Good God, the injustice.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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