Scream Season 1 Episode 2 – TV Review

Scream Hello, Emma Rachel hanging suicide death

Take us with you!

Just kidding.

I’ve calmed my vitriol from last week’s premiere. This episode actually isn’t that bad, and ends on a high note.

It has to steal shamelessly from the source films to get there, but it gets there.

It doesn’t have to be pretty on the pedestal, baby.

TL;DR Only one kill this episode; Emma gets menaced by the killer; Audrey continues to be a wet blanket; Token Asian acts like she doesn’t know she is merely slasher fodder; the Brandon James stuff looks like it’s going to be exhausting; the killer is pretty much a chattier version of A.

Just keep the texting to a minimum, and we’ll be okay.

So it looks like Emma is definitely our main character, and not sharing dual duties with Audrey. Sorry, Audrey. The killer murders Audrey’s gal pal hookup first thing this episode, and when the news breaks, Emma is wracked with guilt because her death is assumed to be a suicide, precipitated by the bullying video. Emma also deals with the apology attempts of Will, who is softly thwarted by New Guy’s snide remarks. Typical love triangle bullshit, you know? Things get interesting at the end of the episode when Emma receives a call from the killer (alla Casey’s call from the first Scream), who says that Emma’s family are keeping secrets from her. Ooh. Meanwhile, Emma’s mum, Daisy (I’m just gonna call her that because I don’t remember what her new name is), discovers Gal Pal’s death was actually a murder, and she and the sheriff are like “Oh, shit,” while the antsy mayor breathes down their necks. Meanwhile, a female reporter arrives in town in an insult to Gale Weathers; Friend Zone and Token Asian hook up; Audrey cries over Gal Pal’s death; Token Blonde teases Hot Teacher; and Insensitive Jock gets pretty much no screen time.

If he and Will didn’t have different hair colours, I wouldn’t be able to tell them apart.

Against my better bitchiness, I’m finding myself drawn into this little slice of hollow, MTV cake.

At this point, though, my major gripe would be that I wish it didn’t have the Scream name stamped on it. If this was just some cute, new slasher series (although, they’d need a few alterations to keep things on the right side of copyright infringement), then I’d be all for it. It would heal the Eye Candy wounds.

But still, as a Scream property, it just hasn’t got the chops.


Why I hate this episode:

It still feels super cheap. And I don’t know if this show will ever be able to shake that. Although, Teen Wolf does (at times) manage not to feel cheap as hell, so MTV’s got the money. Somewhere. Maybe they could throw a little of that Scream’s way?

A worrying development this episode is that the killer is taking a page from the A book. They’re sending mass text alerts with nasty messages, and they’re all obsessed with some girl’s family past. If I hadn’t already endured five and a half seasons of that with PLL, I suppose it wouldn’t bother me so much.

The minor characters are yet to impress me. Token Blonde openly teases Hot Teacher’s cock with dozens of people around. Bitch, that’s not smart. Likewise, Hot Teacher is already finding it impossible to resist her temptations. Get some goddamn willpower, you two.

Token Asian is annoyingly over-available for Friend Zone. As he himself admits, he has zero game, yet she is there to throw herself into his arms at every turn. Maybe she’s the killer, and this is a black widow schtick?

The only kill this episode is Audrey’s stupid Gal Pal kissing buddy, who we only met for five seconds last episode. What is this? Harper’s Island?

There’s a lame recreation of the bathroom bitching scene from the first Scream. The only mercy is that it’s short.

The killer appears to have a voice changer that can mimic other characters’ voices, as they use one to sound like Audrey when calling Gal Pal. Didn’t we throw that shit in the bin with Scream 3? Unless Audrey is the killer, of course.

Piper, the reporter character, doesn’t hold a candle to Gale Weathers. She’s polite, doesn’t have lime green shoulder pads, and hasn’t been punched in the face yet. She can get back to me once she’s checked those off, thanks.

Oh, and she’s not a real reporter. She’s a fucking podcast host. Good God, does everything need to be updated for the Internet generation? Would kids these days not know that television news is a thing? For fuck’s sake.


But it’s not all bad:

Even a rubbish, third-rate Gale Weathers is better than no Gale Weathers, right?

The star of this episode is Emma, shockingly. I’d written her off as a dull, designated protagonist last episode. But we get a little bit more emotion out of her this time. And, most surprisingly of all, some goddamn rationality. She somewhat accepts Will’s apologies, but she isn’t rushing to get into bed with him. And she isn’t swooning into New Guy’s slippery arms, either. Good work, baby.

The best scene of the episode is at the end when Emma is menaced in her home. They use updated dialogue from the Drew Barrymore scene in Scream. The killer asks her what her favourite TV shows are, and they make the trademark “I can see you” slip up (in Scream it was “looking at/talking to,” now it’s “look/sound”). Sadly, the killer doesn’t actually materialise and attack Emma, which is some action we desperately need, but they do set up some shit about how her family isn’t what it seems and everyone’s lying to her and her mother’s a whore. I suspect she’s actually the daughter of Brandon James.

Emma’s dad is also the sole survivor (because nobody knows what happened to Daisy) of Brandon’s spree. So that’s cool.

Token Asian, despite her over-availability, is a pretty cool chick. I like a girl who can initiate things with a male love interest, and she isn’t a brash cunt about it. She just wants that sweet, nerd dick.

I look forward to Audrey’s apology when she finds out that Gal Pal was murdered. Because she chews Emma the fuck out after her supposed suicide caused by the bullying video. Grovel, Audrey. You self-righteous bitch.

Oh, and what if Emma is the killer, and the phone calls from the killer are just her insanity? Imagine the possibilities.

Scream Hello, Emma phone call


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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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