The Vampire Diaries Season 6 Episode 18 – TV Review

TVD I Never Could Love Like That Enzo tied up


Screw Elena and her “I’m leaving forevar at the end of this season” drama.

It’s time for some Enzo flashbacks, dammit.

TL;DR Mummy Salvatore is the one who turned Enzo into a vampire; Enzo actually abandons his plans for Sarah this time; Mummy Salvatore turns out to be an unloving, evil cunt queen; but she does manage to switch Stefan’s humanity back on; Elena moans about her immortality.

I think the fact that Damon is withholding the cure from her is supposed to make this ironic.

So Caroline and Stefan begin their tour of carnage throughout Whitmore and hole up in the bar. Matt and Tyler randomly stumble upon them, and are in peril for a little while. Meanwhile, Damon drives Mummy up to Whitmore in the hope of having her reunion with Stefan trigger Stefan’s humanity. She and Damon chit chat for a bit, and she admits that her vampire life has completely eroded any familial love she once had for her sons. Still, she fakes it to Stefan and it manages to bring him back to boring, moderate life (Caroline does the smart thing and runs off). Meanwhile, Enzo takes Sarah to meet the Salvatores, but when Mummy answers the door, he aborts the mission. Sarah ends up taking him prisoner for a little bit (Matt gave her some vervain), and he regales her with a tale of how Mummy tried to save him from his Consumption, but sired him because his condition was hopeless. Sarah ends up convincing Enzo not to compel her to forget all things Salvatore, and he leaves her alone properly this time. And Elena spends the episode looking after victims of Stefan and Caroline’s rampage at the hospital with Jo. She manages to make both the rampage and news of Jo’s pregnancy about herself. But thank goodness for Papa Gemini, who informs Jo that Mummy’s travelling companions are actually Kai-esque Gemini coven heretics who Mummy turned into vampires, and they’re able to use their magic siphoning abilities to power themselves by tapping into their inherent magical qualities by virtue of being vampires (like when Kai sucked the vampirism out of Liz).

Witchpires, or vamptches? Nah, they both sound terrible. Vitches, maybe?

I feel like I should pay some lip service to the Elena-sized elephant in the room: of course I’m glad she’s leaving. Despite the ambiguous circumstances of Katherine’s for-real “death,” it’s becoming evident that Katherine isn’t coming back. So I’m more than glad to see Nina Dobrev leave the snivelling, pathetic piece of rubbish known as Elena Gilbert behind.

And yes, the show will quickly and spectacularly crash once she’s gone.

Don’t worry. We’ll still have The Originals.


Why I hate this episode:

Fuck you, Elena. She makes Jo’s pregnancy all about her because it reminds her of how, as a vampire, she won’t be able to have children of her own, or any mortal experiences. And she makes the rampage about her, because she recognises that she, too, has the capacity to do those things. And that makes her saaaaaaaaaaddddddd. Shut the fuck up. How many more episodes until you’re gone? Jesus.

Damon spends most of the episode coming to the realisation that Mummy don’t love him no more. Didn’t we already know or greatly expect that? Her admission is supposed to be some big, wham moment. But I was like “Yeah, and?”

Why are Matt and Tyler rolling around and jogging at Whitmore? Remember when Whitmore was supposed to be hours away from Mystic Falls? Oh, and you know where I like to drag my sweaty, swamp crack ass after I’ve finished a workout? A fucking bar. Cool.

The entire forced situation between them and Stefan and Caroline is pointless. Caroline plays some supposedly lethal trivia game, which (because they’re Matt and Tyler) they both lose. Then she and Stefan, instead of killing them as per the rules of the game, just fuck around and don’t kill them. The closest we get is when Tyler feebly tries to fight back by stabbing Caroline with a stake, and Caroline quickly pushes Matt in front of the blow.

Matt compounds his “Why the fuck are you here you goddamn obstacle” bullshit by later refusing Elena’s blood to heal his wound when he arrives at the hospital (also, Damon neglects to offer him any blood when he saves them. Rude). Because he’s decided he irreconcilably hates vampires, and saving himself from a scarring gut gash with vampire blood would be hypocritical. Now is not the time for that, honey.

The episode makes a big deal about how Damon is concealing the cure from Elena, which is gratingly juxtaposed with her whingeing about being immortal. Put the anvil down, TVD.

Sarah will 100% pursue her heritage. Because she doesn’t understand the concept of self-preservation.

Oh, and Mummy gets her hands on the Ascendant for her prison world. With Jo’s revelation about the companions’ true nature, we get a few intercut shots of Mummy looking all evil-like while handling it. But, like, Mummy herself isn’t a Gemini heretic. She still needs Bonnie and her blood for the spell and all that. So, you guys can just go stop her? I’m not seeing the problem here.


But it’s not all bad

Elena gets the rare opportunity to say something smart: when Jo is telling her about how the Gemini heretics can still be witches after being sired, Elena brings up that it should be impossible. That’s what I was thinking, too. Twinsies!

Naturally, TVD has a way to weasel out of a rule break: they arbitrarily retain their magic siphon ability after being sired for some reason. And as vampires are magical beings, they can siphon their own magic infinitely.

Jo picks up the episode’s best line when she sums it up: “Imagine Kai with the bloodlust of a vampire.” Yeah, but will they be as fabulous as him?

Stefan and Caroline’s subplot is indeed a wank, but trust those two to make wanking look good. Caroline shines as she takes her third opportunity this season to showcase her singing ability and performs Pat Benatar’s Hit Me With Your Best Shot at the bar. This annoys the “we’re trying to study” college students, so Stefan poses as the manager and compels them to let him feed on them. Because a bar is not a library.

Enzo gets some long-owed spotlight as he tells Sarah his tale of death and undeath. I’m not sure we needed to devote an episode to seeing him die, and the fact that Mummy just happened to be the vampire that turned him is painfully circuitous, but it was refreshing to see Enzo all sick and vulnerable.

To her credit, Mummy did seem to genuinely give a shit about him. She helped him get on the boat bound for New York because there was a doctor he hoped could help him. Then, after the doctor insisted Enzo pay for some expensive medicine, she compelled the truth out of the shyster to discover Enzo was dying anyway, and the medicine was a placebo. Then, after she’d given him her blood, she sent the doctor down once he woke up so he could feed on him. Which he did.

She also compelled the doctor to slit his own throat. So the girl’s got some flair, baby.

Enzo’s horrified reaction to finding her answering the Salvatore house door is adorable. Luckily for him, her memory isn’t as vivid as his.

Mummy manages to trigger Stefan’s humanity because Damon near-verbatim coaches her on what to say. And in a shock twist, Stefan eschews his guilt trip over all the people he killed or injured during the rampage and instead pledges to go find Caroline and knock the humanity back into her.

When Damon and Mummy first arrive at the bar, Stefan immediately recognises the plan for what it is. Caroline quickly deduces that the plan makes her the next domino to fall, so takes the opportunity to stab Stefan in the back with a stake and flee. Nice.

It turns out the Gemini coven was more interested in imprisoning the six heretics from the boat, not just Mummy. Because the heretics were coming back to America to destroy the Gemini coven. That makes more sense.

Oh, and one of the disgruntled students in the bar refers to Caroline as “Taylor Swift.” It’s apt.

TVD I Never Could Love Like That Caroline singing

And Taylor also embarrasses her ex-boyfriends with songs. Twinsies!

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

5 responses to “The Vampire Diaries Season 6 Episode 18 – TV Review”

  1. Lydia says :

    Can Enzo please hop down to the Originals with the cool characters now? I feel like there he would actually have an opportunity to showcase his potential.

  2. Sire says :

    This show is so dead! Right now the only characters I give a shit about are Kai and Caroline…. Everyone else can go die a painful and slow death for being boring and stupid. Don’t see it going past season 7

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