The Vampire Diaries Season 6 Episode 17 – TV Review

TVD A Bird In A Gilded Cage Stefan Caroline sex

Literally.

And I thought their sunset kiss was satisfying.

I’m almost ashamed that I used to be against the Caroline/Stefan pairing. And, on principle, I still kind of am.

I’ll allow it while their humanity switches are off, though.

TL;DR Mummy Salvatore is extracted from her prison world; Bonnie traps Kai there, instead; Caroline and Stefan fight for a bit, but then have sex; Enzo gives up on his plans with Sarah; Jo and Alaric fuss about baby names.

And Jo even considers “Duke.” No, honey.

So the most important plot this week is Mummy’s extraction from the prison world. Elena convinces Damon that she might be enough of an emotional trigger to get Stefan’s humanity back, so Damon reluctantly assembles Kai and Bonnie to go get the bitch. They meet up, and we get some crap about how she’s a changed woman now. Oh, and she has six other vampire companions dessicated in a cave. Cool. Mummy insists they come, too, but they manage to get the bitch back to reality. Kai doesn’t join them, though, because Bonnie stabs him up and leaves him to be attacked by the now-reawakening vampires. Ungrateful. Meanwhile, Stefan decides to ruin Caroline’s life for forcing him to turn his humanity off. So, of course, they end up having sex. Alaric and Enzo mount an ineffective attack on them first, but are thwarted without any harm or fanfare. Jo later scolds Alaric for being reckless. And Enzo decides to abandon his plans with Sarah because 1) Stefan won’t be hurt by the plan without his humanity on; and 2) he’s gotten a reality check about his loneliness, and realised that he was only doing the Sarah thing to fill the void.

Or is he!? Because he does tell Sarah her real name, and surely someone as intrepid and unconcerned with her own safety as Sarah will get to work unravelling those threads.

While I in no way condone the treatment of Kai this episode, I think we should all take a beat to enjoy Caroline and Stefan’s long overdue sex.

And it was worth it, because it was extremely hot, and it convinces Caroline that being out of control and hedonistic is the better approach to humanity-free living.

But they better cut it on the blood orgies. It’s not cute.

 

Why I hate this episode:

Fucking. Bonnie. Remember how unobtrusive she was when she was sequestered in ghost world? Remember how great that felt? Well, it’s gone now, because this little PTSD wannabe bitch is fucking shit up for our new banner villain. This show needs Kai, Bonnie. Because he’s fun. It only needs you because you’re a Deus Ex Machina.

Also, and I don’t always pay attention to every caveat of the witchy woo, but shouldn’t Kai be able to just get on up out of there himself? It’s explicitly stated that the Ascendant is unable to travel between the real world and the prison world. So wouldn’t it just be lying on the ground where Bonnie was standing when she used it, and still with enough of her blood on it? I suppose at worst the blood might be gone, but surely there’s a drop in the snow somewhere from when she cut her hand? Be enterprising, Kai. Gosh.

I don’t actually give a shit about Mummy yet. Her little tale of redemption is obviously fake. Start ripping some heads and maybe I’ll care.

And her vampire collection is weird. She says that they were her travelling companions who were with her when the Gemini coven caught her, but she also rambles on about how they’re virtuous and they saved her. I think she means that caring for them for the past century is what turned her good, and that’s how they saved her. But when Damon asks if they like to rip shit up like she did, she vaguely says they didn’t.

Also, who elected her “the one who gets to not dessicate?” Isn’t she the reason they were imprisoned in the first place?

Jo and Alaric’s subplot is just plain boring.

Elena is the one who suggests retrieving Mummy to help Stefan. Even Damon tells her what a fucking terrible idea that is. Because she’s a prolific mass murderer, you know? He ends up agreeing, so more fool him. But God, Elena.

Kai still has his disappointing pube stubble.

Elena has an awkward, “meet the parents” vibe when she and Damon have their chat with Mummy. Fuck off, Elena. This isn’t about you.

Mummy declares that her vampire friends are her family, right to Damon’s face. Cunt move, girl.

Oh, and Kai ends his part of the episode by stumbling, bleeding, into the cave where the dessicated vampires are. Mummy evidently was able to give a tender drop of blood to one of them before Damon stopped her, because he attacks Kai. Not my baby!

 

But it’s not all bad:

I suspect Kai is in for a long period of getting used as a blood bag by six insane, starving vampires. With any luck, this will shock all the Luke-induced goodness out of him, and he’ll return to being the homicidal maniac we know and love.

With all the schmaltz and Kai double-crossing going on in the prison world, I thank God that we had the Caroline and Stefan subplot to keep things moving. It begins with Stefan deciding to harass Caroline’s perfectly little structured life out of revenge for forcing him to flip his humanity switch. He starts by quietly decapitating the director of a musical she’s auditioning for. During the audition. Caroline is disappointed she squeezed out fake tears for nothing.

And she gets to sing again. Cool.

This begins a short-lived, escalating prank war. Caroline hits back by dismantling Stefan’s motorbike, then Stefan later comes to the dorm and attacks a random girl (everyone else is away for spring break). Caroline, naturally, quickly overpowers him and fixes the girl up.

Stefan saves Caroline when he hears Alaric and Enzo sneaking in, though. That’s thoughtful of him. Caroline prevents Stefan from murdering the boys once they’re incapacitated.

Which, happily, leads to their sex. It’s set to Zella Day’s Hypnotic, which I enjoyed.

The end of the episode features the fanciest revelation of all. To thank Damon for everything he’s done for her, Bonnie gives him a gift: the cure. You know, the cure to vampirism? She brought it through with her from ghost world. She assumes he’ll want to give it to Elena (thankfully, she’s willing to let him choose what to do with it regardless), but now that Damon and Elena are all coupled-up and happy, I don’t think Damon wants that, anymore.

Kai was hoping the jaunt to the prison world would help him make his amends to Bonnie. So to see him go from being so hopeful to being crushingly betrayed was kind of heartbreaking. It made me angry, but it was effective.

He does manage to invisi-cloak himself before Bonnie can deliver a monster stab, though. And to her credit, Bonnie does get in a couple of good shots.

Enzo claims to be giving up on his plans for Sarah, but I don’t think it’s any accident that he calls her “Sarah Salvatore” to her face. She is appropriately shocked.

Damon’s resistance to caring about Mummy is admirable. She a bitch, yo. She has some sob story about how she left her sons alone because she was worried she’d kill them in her bloodlust. Weak.

Her one redeeming moment is when she laughs at Damon telling her that Stefan ate their father. Evidently, her marriage was not a happy one. Daddy Salvatore was a dick, so I’ll give it to her this time.

I look forward to whatever devious acts Caroline and Stefan get up to now that Caroline sees the virtue of Stefan’s way of humanity-free life.

Damon and Bonnie agree not to return to the prison world to fetch Mummy’s friends. Good. All the more impetus for Kai to unleash them on you himself.

Best line of the episode goes to Jo, who makes a fair decision after pressuring Alaric to help her come up with baby names: “Actually, I’ve thought about it, and anyone named ‘Alaric’ should not be allowed to name another human.” Touché.

Oh, and Kai tries to catch snowflakes on his tongue while Bonnie assures Elena she can be left alone with him because he’s good now. That deceptive little snake.

TVD A Bird In A Gilded Cage Kai catching snowflakes on his tongue

It’s not like he’d murder his own family or anything.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

4 responses to “The Vampire Diaries Season 6 Episode 17 – TV Review”

  1. May says :

    I had to scroll down so much to find this review, but what are your thoughts on Nina Dobrev leaving the show after the season?

    • ijusthateeverything says :

      I’ve always been an advocate for less Elena, so to have 100% less Elena is like a dream come true.

      I’m not sure if I want to live in a world without any hope of seeing Katherine again, though.

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