Eye Candy Season 1 Episode 10 – TV Review

Eye Candy A4U Lindy Jake ending

In a better world.

But this is not a better world. This is Eye Candy.

Aussie Guy does get to live, though.

Which is yet another of Eye Candy’s failings.

TL;DR The gang manage to thwart Aussie Guy, and he ends up arrested; no main characters die; Sarah is alive, and Lindy leaves on a journey to find her.

Aww, they included a sequel hook. How optimistic.

So Aussie Guy gets Lindy to Hart Island, and it doesn’t take her long to figure out he’s Mr Stalker aka the Flirtual Killer. Aussie Guy tells his Freudian tale: his mum was a drug addict who was destroying his dad and the family, so Toddler Aussie Guy killed her with an air bubble injection. His dad then committed suicide, and he was sent from New York to live with his aunt in Australia. Yada yada yada he’s a serial killer now. Lindy, shockingly, doesn’t get wet in the pants over this, and tries to escape him. Meanwhile, Tommy contracts Gay Friend and Fat Coworker to help find Lindy and Black Friend, who has been abducted. Tommy and Gay Friend manage to get to Hart Island just as Black Friend gets stabbed up, and Lindy commands Tommy to attend to Black Friend rather than stop Aussie Guy from fleeing with her. Black Friend ends up okay, and Lindy shortly arranges for Aussie Guy’s arrest. She does get a video he had been storing, though, which shows Sarah getting out of the van on the night she was “abducted” and meeting up with a boy. They utter vagueries about Lindy being safe now, and drive away. Lindy and Tommy make their farewells as Lindy goes off alone to find Sarah.

Not even a goodbye kiss?

It’s such a relief that Eye Candy is over. It was only ten episodes long, but it felt like a goddamn eternity.

I am now very concerned about what the Scream TV series on MTV is going to be like.

Because Eye Candy is fucking garbage as an indicator of slasher series quality.

 

Why I hate this episode:

There isn’t a single suspenseful thing about this episode at all. Aussie Guy goes from the omniscient stalker he’s been for the entire season to being completely distracted and incompetent at the final hurdle. His arrest in the train station is ridiculous. He would have known that the Cyber Crimes Unit would have been able to find him and Lindy in a public place. What a dipshit.

Lindy doesn’t do herself any favours in the priorities department. She finds Tessa’s phone in Aussie Guy’s bag, and becomes suspicious of him. I thought she was suspicious because she thought he might be Mr Stalker. But no, she’s worried that he cheated on her. You can’t keep a good idiot down.

After she’s figured out he’s Mr Stalker during their dig of the burial site, she still wants to know what’s inside the coffin, so she commands him to open it. He does, leaving his back turned with plenty of time for her to whallop him over the head with the shovel she’s holding. But she doesn’t. She waits until she’s down in the grave, and feebly tries to leg swipe him with the shovel, which fails. Obviously.

Nobody dies in the finale. Not even Mr Stalker.

In fact, with Sarah now confirmed alive, our kill count is actually in the negative.

Who was the body we saw in the burial site with the “Sarah” tattoo, then? Was that just a trick to the audience? Because the first time we saw it was not in the context of someone’s recollection. It was just presented as being there. That’s lying, Eye Candy.

Aussie Guy says Lindy’s flaw is her depression over failing to save Sarah. So he sets up a death trap with Black Friend in it that she’s able to win, which he expects will fix her flaw or something. Unsurprisingly, she and Black Friend leg it immediately after Black Friend’s untied.

Aussie Guy’s main computer is some obnoxious, voice activated thing. Yeah, there’s no way he could have done the kind of hacking he did with fucking Siri at the helm.

Oh, and Tommy excludes the Cyber Crimes Unit from the search for Lindy and Black Friend because he’s worried that it’s either bugged, or, much more promisingly, has a mole working for Aussie Guy. This is never mentioned again, and Tommy evidently was wrong. That could have been a great thread to follow. Disappointing.

 

But it’s not all bad:

Tommy does knock Black Cop out when he’s caught stealing equipment from the Cyber Crimes Unit. It’s something, I guess.

Fat Coworker has a couple of funny scenes where he’s excited about using the powerful equipment to hack the city’s network.

Black Friend gets stabbed because Lindy takes too long trying to get info on Sarah from Aussie Guy’s computer. I lol’d.

Tommy apologises to Lindy via chat before she leaves on her journey, and she accepts. Aww.

Aussie Guy’s dad is pretty good looking.

Oh, and Aussie Guy randomly kisses his reflection in a mirror for no reason. Maybe he just couldn’t resist his own (perceived, anyway) perfection?

Eye Candy A4U Jake kissing mirror

I suppose he’s not going to have the decency to suck his own dick, either?

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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