Eye Candy Season 1 Episode 8 – TV Review

Eye Candy AMA eye stab

The visuals are its major draw. It is called Eye Candy, after all.

After our double stuffing of filler, we’re finally back on track with actual plot.

And a lot of it, too.

There could still be hope for Eye Candy yet.

TL;DR Tommy spends most of the episode investigating a case-of-the-week; Lindy finds out the Cyber Crimes Unit knew about her long before her arrest; thanks to Mr Stalker leaving clues for her; Tessa is trying to Single White Female Lindy, which doesn’t please Mr Stalker much.

Ah, so she’s not a sympathetic victim. She’s a crazy joke victim. That’s more like it.

This episode seems to grasp the concept of a case-of-the-week working in tandem with a relevant plot arc. Finally. The case-of-the-week sees our heroes trying to take down Babylon, which is a network of shady sites (and not a person, like I incorrectly interpreted last episode), like the dollhouse one. There’s a cam boy who filmed himself gouging his own eye out, so they go after that case in the hope they’ll learn more about Babylon. Yada yada yada he was actually beating up Babylon prostitutes, and the gouging was forced by blackmail perpetrated by the brother of one of his victims. Nothing more about Babylon is learned. Meanwhile, Lindy, with Fat Coworker’s help, follows a lead about Sarah and hacks into Sergeant’s computer. She finds out Sergeant, Tommy, and Ben were targeting her as a lead into a hacktivist clique back before she even met Ben, in an effort to capture Bubonic. Tommy and Sergeant were aggressive about it, while Ben was more concerned, which is what led to him falling in love with her, and ultimately arresting her for lesser offences to prevent Sergeant and Tommy from coaxing her into committing worse ones. Mr Stalker feeds Lindy the deets, and Lindy gets pissed off at present day Tommy. Natch. And Black Friend and Gay Friend discover Tessa is unhinged, and is wearing Lindy’s clothes and dating Lindy’s Flirtual matches. One of which, at the episode’s ending, is Mr Stalker.

Do they think we’re going to miss Tessa? Gay Friend isn’t even interested in forming a Team Faghag power duo with her, so that’s where my interest ends, too.

I’ve got to say, I’m impressed with Eye Candy this week. I’ve given this show a lot of crap for being empty and ill-paced and filler-reliant and bland.

All of which still holds true.

But not this episode. Good job.


Why I hate this episode:

It’s still Eye Candy, though, so it’s still laughably preposterous. Why did the Cyber Crimes Unit think going after this one user of Babylon would give them any lead as to who’s running it? Do any of us really have any idea who runs the legitimate websites we use? Why would a darkweb prostitute know anything about the person who runs the site where she puts her photo up for men to buy her? Dumb.

Eye Guy’s blackmail subplot is a bit loose. Yeah, he chose to gouge his own eye out (despite being a mildly famous model/photographer celebrity) to prevent videos of him beating up prostitutes getting out. But wouldn’t the victim’s brother, and literally anyone else using Babylon, be able to record and post the video of him gouging his own eye out? Eye Guy tells the police and the world that it happened during a mugging. All it would take is some bitter keyboard warrior to post the gouging video, which would lead the authorities to question Eye Guy’s fake story, which would probably lead to the truth, anyway.

I guess he was screwed either way. But one way didn’t involve him stabbing himself in the fucking eye.

After Lindy confronts Tommy with the truth about the Cyber Crimes Unit’s interest in her, he tries to play the “I didn’t know you like I do now” card. I’m with Lindy on this one: fuck off.

We get teased with the fact that Sergeant apparently knows something about Sarah. Lindy asks Tommy about it during their confrontation, and he just says that there was some guy who abducted girls similarly to Sarah’s abduction, and Sergeant thought she might have been one of his victims. I hope Sergeant will turn out to know more than she told Tommy. Because that’s some vague, pointless shit, otherwise.

Tessa is crap.

She actually lied about her parents’ divorce, but won’t tell Black Friend what the real reason is that she won’t go home. She says it’s because she had a fight with them, but won’t say what it was about. Honey, you’re probably going to be dead this time next week. You missed your chance for exposition.

Oh, and in the flashbacks, Lindy met Fat Coworker and a bunch of other hackers at some hacker hideout thing. It’s more of the cringeworthy, 1337 haxorz garbage that Eye Candy is so fond of. At some point, I’m going to have to accept it. But for now? Bleh.


But it’s not all bad:

The episode finally manages to work the balance between the Mr Stalker/Lindy/actual plot, and the case-of-the-week format it’s been struggling to push. I mean, we’re on episode 8 of 10, so it’s a bit late in the game. But credit where credit’s due. If only the other case-of-the-week episodes hadn’t been so empty.

Bubonic is also upgraded from monster-of-the-week to pertinent backstory element. A mysterious client had hired him to hack into some company’s files, and had instructed him to seek out Lindy to do the job, with her payment for the work to be info on Sarah. Lindy comes to him under the impression his name is JJ, and is adequately disgusted when he reveals he’s Bubonic: Cyber Terrorist, Lord of Silly Masks. When she hears about the Sarah info, she takes the job, though.

What makes this even better is that Sergeant was actually the mysterious client, and it was all a scheme to get Lindy close to Bubonic, so that the Cyber Crimes Unit could get close to Bubonic.

And even better than that is that Sergeant apparently wasn’t lying about having info on Sarah. I really do hope Lindy gets the deets from her next episode, because we’re running out of time to wrap this shit up.

Ben was as disgusted in Sergeant’s scheming as Lindy is. Mr Stalker shows Lindy the interview tape of Ben where Sergeant talks about it.

Ben was reprimanded because he intercepted Tommy’s operation to first meet Lindy in the nightclub. Ben didn’t trust Tommy, because Tommy had previously worked a similar job on Bubonic’s girlfriend, and she ended up dead. Damn, Tommy. I knew that undercut was repulsive. But damn.

Then, of course, Ben fell in love with Lindy and defied Sergeant by arresting her prior to her completion of the company hack, so that she wouldn’t get convicted of anything worse than she’d already done.

However, Ben wasn’t a gentleman for their entire relationship: he gave Lindy a Saint Christopher necklace one morning after they had sex, which Lindy discovers this episode to actually be a listening device. I lol’d.

Mr Stalker is only inches away from Lindy this episode. He’s behind interrogation room glass and fully cloaked in black, but it’s progress.

The case-of-the-week plot ticks all the boxes it needs to. No complaints there.

The first thread that leads Lindy down the flashback rabbit hole is a photo of Sarah she finds on one of the Babylon prostitute profiles. Fat Coworker analyses it, and it’s about three years old. Which I would guess means that she was forced into prostitution soon after her abduction. Or that our gurl was hookin’ on the side before that. Can you imagine?

Gay Friend recognises a redheaded guy he and Black Friend catch Tessa hooking up with as one of Lindy’s Flirtual matches on the first night she had it. He and Black Friend then quickly deduce that if Tessa is dating them, then she could be dating Mr Stalker.

Oh, and I hope we at least get to see Tessa’s death. None of this off-screen, “only finding the body afterwards” crap that we got with Ben. A bit more gore could do wonders for Eye Candy’s cred.

Eye Candy AMA Tessa

A show called Eye Candy can never have enough Eye Scream.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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