Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort – Film Review

Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort cyclist death wire eyes

It’s better this way.

Well, last Wrong Turn I begged for there not be a 6 unless they brought back some of the survivors from the first two movies.

They didn’t.

TL;DR The story is more ambitious than Wrong Turns 3-5, but is ultimately a poorly acted, disposable, muddled mess. Some fabulous practical effects on the kills keep things chugging along, but this is more of the same preposterous, legacy-eroding bullshit. 2 out of 5 stars.

It’s better than 3 and 4, and about on par with 5. Long live 1 and 2.

We’re again without an actual wrong turn, but this sequel tries to add more than just another “group of people become stranded in the woods and are murdered” excuse plot. Danny has recently destroyed his life by having a professional meltdown at his Wall Street job. He finds out he’s inherited a property in the Appalachians, which turns out to be literally a castle, that is a hotel. He’s brought his girlfriend, her brother, and a gaggle of supplementary friends along for some reason, too. The hotel is currently being caretaken by Jackson and Sally, siblings who we later discover are part of an entire congregation of inbred cannibals, of which Three Finger, Saw Tooth, and One Eye are also family members. They manage to convince Danny, revealed to be a lost relative, to join them, while everyone else gets picked off in deliciously gruesome ways. Danny eventually pledges his loyalty to his newly found family, and the movie ends sometime after events, with the hotel being up and running, and Danny still trying to impregnate Sally, under the watchful gaze of Three Finger and co.

Danny may not have gotten the ugly from his inbred heritage, but he certainly got the stupid.

About half an hour into this movie, I was ready to slam it in every way possible. There’s a cute little barbed wire-aided decapitation at the start (reminiscent of the first Wrong Turn), but there was also some obligatorily garbage CGI, and this ridiculous plot setup that took forever to finally get rolling.

But then it did, and although this would hardly qualify as anything close to related to the other Wrong Turns, it was a surprisingly worthwhile little backwoods slasher.

It’s still crap. But it’s crap that at least tried something.

Which is more than you can say for the previous three Wrong Turns.

 

Why I hate this movie:

The characters are uniformly abominable. First, you’ve got Danny. His backstory isn’t that stupid. But then he makes the unbelievably dumbest decisions imaginable. Does he actually expect all his friends to literally move out into this hotel in the middle of nowhere? The scene where goes around the table trying to convince them would suggest yes, he does. What a fuckwit.

I suppose we can’t blame him for not stopping Vic’s death, as he was drugged to the nines. But his later decision to join his family once he knows what’s going on, rather than running for his fucking life with the people he’s known longer than two days, is 100% impossible to believe.

And to top it off, he spends this scene making up his mind to stay, but allowing his girlfriend the chance to flee. Jackson, predictably, goes after her immediately and she kills him while protecting herself. Danny apparently couldn’t have possibly foreseen this turn of events, and goes nuclear on his girlfriend, allowing the primary three cannibals to slaughter her. What?

Half of the victims look the same. The girlfriend’s brother, Vic, and the black chick’s boyfriend were completely interchangeable. If it wasn’t for the other friend being slightly fatter and having glasses, he would have got lost in the shuffle, too.

The sex scenes are on the wrong side of smutty. We want titillation in our slasher movie sex scenes. Not porn.

The black chick is terminally insufferable. She doesn’t do a single redeeming thing the entire time. So it was kind of hard to give a shit about her when she died. She’s rude, a thief, a grudge-holder, and a snob. I’m surprised she didn’t have a Swastika tattooed on her flaps.

Half of the cast are British and don’t pull off their American accents very well.

The primary three cannibals’ makeup and prosthetics somehow got worse. Again.

There’s no wrong turn. Again.

Oh, and Jackson takes Danny bowhunting. Danny has never shot a bow before. And as someone who used to do archery, I can tell you his form is awful. Yet he manages to mortally wound a deer with the very first arrow he’s ever fired. Fuck off.

 

But it’s not all bad:

I’ve got to give Wrong Turn 6 praise where it’s due, and it deserves points for at least trying something different. I suspect the script was probably something else before it became a Wrong Turn movie, because the primary three cannibals are barely relevant to the plot, and, again, there’s no wrong turn. But being a new angle on the Wrong Turn formula undoubtedly works in its favour.

The pacing is actually pretty impressive. The plot takes a while for all its cards to show (before idiotically devolving because of Danny’s willingness to be a cannibal lord), and it makes you wait for the kills to creep up. If only any of the characters had any development, then we might have had a meaningful slasher movie on our hands.

The gore, like the last one, is the star of the show. I was irked when the first kill of the movie was a hokey CGI arrow through the face, but things immediately turn around with the female cyclist’s death: a barbed/razor trip wire at eye height while she’s riding her bike. The primary three cannibals then pull on the wire so it cuts deeper through her head, before decapitating her. It’s bloody and wet and it’s not CGI.

Glasses Stoner’s death is the second best. The primary three cannibals catch him while Danny’s girlfriend and her brother are fleeing. They try to force a fire hose down his throat alla Naked Gun. When that doesn’t work, they shove it up his butt instead. His exploding gut is like an angry watermelon suicide bomber. It’s juicy.

Speaking of on-male sexual assault, Sally rapes Black Chick’s boyfriend after he’s sustained an immobilising head wound, and it is sufficiently horrific. So there’s no double standard rape in Wrong Turn 6. Jackson interrupts and commands her to kill him, so she smothers him with a pillow while orgasming on top of it. Evil and twisted. Great.

Danny’s girlfriend does a fab job of literally beating Jackson’s face in. It’s no Drive, but it’s close enough for this kind of budget.

She also gets the upper hand on Sally by shoving her face into boiling hot spring water, then shooting at her with a shotgun. Sadly, Sally survives. But Miss Girlfriend didn’t go down without a fight.

Black Chick is killed mid-coitus. The primary three cannibals come in and knock her boyfriend aside, then literally rip her legs apart. And off. Sally had previously been masturbating to their sex, so is a little peeved at them. But hey, now she’s got a boy to rape.

The turkish bath where Black Chick’s death occurs, and where the climax occurs, is a great setpiece.

Oh, and the epilogue implies that Danny is serving his hotel guests (it’s booming business) human meat. An expected, but nice, touch.

 

Verdict:

It’s cheap and off-the-wall, but it’s not just another iteration of the same old schtick. It’s a nightmare to the established continuity, but seeing as these movies have barely been worth watching since the second one, I don’t think anybody minds. But please, Wrong Turn 7, bring back someone we care about. 2 out of 5 stars.

Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort

I’m willing to settle for Erica Leerhsen, though.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

7 responses to “Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort – Film Review”

  1. Truth says :

    There’s no black chick in this movie. If you mean Roxanne Pallett, she’s not black.

  2. Ritno Redness says :

    This Movie is the worst movie in wrong turn serious.ritno redness is my real name.

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