Pretty Little Liars Season 5 Episode 21 – TV Review

PLL Bloody Hell Ashley ring

That ring better be from Jason, bitch.

It’s not from Jason.

But could you imagine, though?

God, they’d have such hot babies.

TL;DR The Liars tell Alison they know she isn’t A and are now stuck with finding a way to free her; Aria hooks up with Andrew; Emily gets back with Talia (of fucking course); Spencer goes to London for an Oxford interview; A is vaguely scary.

The usual.

So here’s the the usual plotline split:

Aria is worried about Mike getting charged for withholding critical information from the police, so is the most proactive on finding A. She and Hanna track down Cyrus, but he’s been brutally hospitalised. They do get a lead on A’s identity, though. She is also deathly afraid of Mike becoming an A target, because his testimony could free Alison. So, naturally, she runs lips-first into Andrew’s buff arms.

Hanna is the Liar most resistant in slinking back to Alison. Once they’ve got the lead from Cyrus, though, she grimly visits a surprisingly conciliatory Alison. The episode ends before Alison gives her answer about Varjak, the name Cyrus provided them.

Emily lets Talia back into her life because Talia’s husband finally opened his eyes and dumped her gay arse. They flirt a bit until a pageant official tries pressuring Emily into dropping out because her friendship with Alison is bad publicity. Talia takes this opportunity to try blackmailing the pageant. I’ll give her points for effot.

And Veronica sends Spencer to London to interview for Oxford. Things are going well until a vial of blood A planted in her purse breaks mid-interview, which sends Spencer into full-on panic mode. Melissa and Wren’s very British (and mildly attractive. But considering she went for Johnny, Spencer clearly doesn’t have much in the way of taste) flatmate consoles her.

And Veronica finds something in Alison’s case file that freaks her the fuck out. But, because this is Pretty Little Liars, we don’t find out what it is this episode.

This episode delivers pretty much the minimum you could expect from a late-season PLL episode.

Yes, there’s plenty of stupid-ass relationship melodrama going on. But at least it isn’t Aria and Ezra this time, so they’re doing something right.

And Andrew is much hotter than Ezra. You gon’ get some, Aria, hunty. Mmm.

 

Why I hate this episode:

Bit rude of Andrew to take Aria being in pain and crying as a signal to go in for a pash, though. In fairness, he wasn’t aware that she was bawling her eyes out because she was thinking that Mike could have easily died from the weight bench collapse that merely bruised her ankle. But tears are not an invitation, bro. And I’m not even a feminist.

The dumbest thing about this episode is, not-in-any-way-shockingly, Emily’s willingness to take Talia back. Talia and her husband have apparently finally had their discussion about the rainbow elephant in the room, and have decided to separate. So Emily lets that lying skank right back into her life. She even allows her to attend dance practice in her high school. Because what married woman wouldn’t be turned on by skulking around high school with their illicit, student-aged lover? Hot, right?

Emily plays the gay suffrage card a little too quickly when the pageant official encourages Emily to drop out of the pageant due to the morality clause. Don’t be Kurt, baby. Nobody should ever be Kurt.

The pageant is hilariously overstepping on that front, anyway. So Emily used to be friends with a girl who is yet to be convicted of murder. Yeah? So what? Talia’s subsequent blackmail attempt was unbelievably retarded, but she was right about the logic.

Talia’s blackmail attempt is unbelievably retarded. The appropriate response would be for Emily to enter the pageant out of spite. Not immediately jump to “pay up, bitch.”

I can’t believe that after this long, the Liars are still confident they can learn anything about A by themselves.

Hanna suggests that Spencer come clean to Veronica about everything about A and ask her for help. Emily is for it, but Aria is vehemently opposed, as she wants to keep Mike out of it to avoid being charged for withholding information. Aria references the fact that telling people about A has traditionally been catastrophic. Here’s a thought: tell everyone. Then A would have no power. Just tell everyone, bitches. A relies on you running around to keep them a secret. Just tell.

Melissa and Wren are away somewhere, so do not appear. Boo.

The vial of blood in Spencer’s purse survived the trip from Rosewood to London, but shatters when she gently puts her bag down on a cushioned chair?

Emily not only lets Talia sniff around her some more, but she offers her a place to stay. Don’t be so easy.

A attacks Cyrus in the burn unit by disguising themselves as a fully bandaged (think mummy) fellow patient. It looks ridiculous.

Oh, and Ashley hides a phone call mid-way through the episode, which I was hoping to be from Jason. But no, it was Ted getting back in touch to rekindle their engagement. Between this and the atrocious Parks and Recreation finale, I’m not having a good day.

 

But it’s not all bad:

Hanna, in a nice turnaround, is kind of pissed off about it. She’s mad that Ted left Ashley out in the cold about it for so long. I wouldn’t have minded Hanna chucking in a bit of support for Jason, but I’ll take what I can get.

The most relevant progress this episode comes from Cyrus’ little Varjak tidbit. He misspells it as “Varjack,” which Aria and Hanna incorrectly read as “carjack” (the V looks like a C). Hanna later realises it’s Varjack, as in Paul Varjak from Breakfast At Tiffany’s. Alison is a fan of the movie, and Hanna thinks that A could have chosen it as a codename to taunt her. The fact that Cyrus misspelled it also leads Hanna and Aria to deducing that Cyrus wouldn’t have read it in a text or email (otherwise he would have known the correct spelling): he must have heard it audibly. Which means Cyrus might have spoken to A. Ooh.

Hanna, thankfully, has the decency to go fucking ask Alison about it. The scene gets cut off as the episode ends, and I suspect Alison’s answer will be predictably elusive. But you never know.

We don’t get to see what Veronica finds in the case file, either, but it’s enough for her to try to reach Spencer and order her to stay in London (I suspect for her safety). It’s a shame Spencer had already decided to get an earlier flight home due to her blood vial freak out.

I’ll give Aria some rare leniency for her melodrama this episode. Mike’s weight set collapses while she’s standing on it to reach something. Andrew notices that it was put together incorrectly, and had it collapsed while Mike was using it, it would have crushed his skull. This confirms Aria’s fears of A targeting Mike, so I’ll give her a pass on the tears this time. It’s just nice to have Aria crying for somebody other than Ezra.

And you get that Andrew love while it’s hot, baby.

Talia quits working at the cafe. I lol’d.

Emily practices dancing by herself, and is even sexier than last episode.

Alison recruits Veronica to coach her for when she takes the stand (against her primary lawyers’ advice) in her trial. Go on, Veronica. Sabotage her. It’s the only way to keep Spencer in the clear for good.

Hanna gets best line of the episode after the burn unit nurse turfs them out and Aria discourages her from fighting back: “I could have taken her.” I would have liked to have seen her try.

Oh, and Hanna is impressively defiant towards Alison when she goes to see her. She drags her feet on making any apologies, and Alison actually tells her not to. Because now she’s realised the error of her tyrranical ways. She asks Hanna for a second chance at friendship, and instead of immediately appeasing her, Hanna responds with a “meh, we’ll see. Now tell me ’bout Varjak.” Emily was always Alison’s love toy; Aria was her slave; Spencer was her designated rival; but Hanna was her victim. And now that victim has grown up and is sick of Alison’s shit. Touché.

PLL Bloody Hell Alison Hanna visit

You’ve gotta score points wherever you can.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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