Eye Candy Season 1 Episode 7 – TV Review

Eye Candy SOS Jake Lindy kiss

How can two people who are so beautiful kiss so ugly?

And it’s another filler episode.

That’s two in a row, and three so far for the season.

Well, I suppose if you want to be picky, this episode is closer to padding.

Very extensive padding.

TL;DR Lindy and Tommy investigate yet another (mostly) unrelated cyber crime case; an old high school buddy of Black Friend’s shows up; Lindy is together with Aussie Guy, but he’s jealous of Tommy; Mr Stalker turns out to kind of be responsible for this episode’s random villain.

He paid him and gave him a vague message to deliver. Which is the only reason I’m allowing this episode to wriggle out of the “pure filler” arena.

So our crime of the week this episode involves a seedy voyeur website. A friend of Aussie Guy’s and his girlfriend are attacked while renting a needlessly trendy and Internet-reliant apartment. Aussie Guy asks Lindy to help figure out what happened, and Lindy brings in Fat Coworker and Tommy to assist. It turns out the apartment is a hotbed of illegal voyeur website activity, and Aussie Guy’s friend’s girlfriend actually set up the attack as revenge for his cheating ways. Lindy and Tommy are still keen to shut down the website, which has a nasty, extra level of “pay to play with people while they’re drugged out” programs. Because using themselves as bait worked out so well last time, they do that again, and Lindy ends up abducted. Tommy saves the day, which, of course, makes Aussie Guy jealous. Meanwhile, Black Friend has an old high school friend staying with the gang. They fill her in on Mr Stalker, and she has a shallow quantity of character development, but I can’t in any way figure out why she’s suddenly here.

If it’s to become a victim we care about, then Eye Candy’s doing it wrong.

But, like, seriously, this is essentially another filler episode.

That’s three out of ten for the entire season run.

No, MTV. That’s not good.


Why I hate this episode:

The entire premise of the voyeur site is so preposterous. If they’d set it in a hostel in Slovakia, maybe I’d buy it. But this site apparently has its beady little hooks into a multitude of apartments in New York City. Yeah, no.

The villain who gets paid to “play” with select victims is ridiculous. Not quite as ridiculous as Bubonic, but that’s a tough mountain to scale, you know? No, this guy wears a fencing mask like it’s the scariest thing in the world (and like it hasn’t already been used to much better effect), is a cookie cutter freaky redhead. And of course, he has a cryptic message for Lindy from Mr Stalker.

To knock his select victims out, he puts drugs on the pillows they sleep on, instead of in the free wine he lays out for them. How absurdly complicated.

The Cyber Crimes Unit’s reaction time to Lindy and Tommy’s attack is amazingly incompetent. It takes Aussie Guy, whom Fat Coworker has invited to watch the feed, to notice the footage of Tommy and Lindy is very, very obviously looping. I know the police in horror movies are supposed to be ineffective, but Jesus.

Lindy and Tommy are surprised that they have to do something other than sit around awkwardly to sell their bait gambit of appearing to be a real couple. What the fuck?

The lift to the bugged apartment requires a QR code scan to access the correct floor. Fuck off. The last time I used one of those was to get promotional designs in my Animal Crossing game. What is this? 2013?

Aussie Guy and Lindy’s kiss at the start of the episode (pictured above) is hideous.

Tessa, Black Friend’s friend, is one of those rich, young people who go travelling a lot and always have a better anecdote than you. You know the type. It’s a shame she isn’t already dead.

The reason Tessa has been acting unusual is because she’s upset over her parents’ recently announced divorce. Are you fucking kidding me? What are you? Twenty-one? Twenty-two? Shut. Up. Holy crap, get over it, you goddamn brat.

IRL, the nightclub the gang frequents, uses mini mason jars for shot glasses. Not okay.

Black Cop squashes any further flirtation with Black Friend, despite his interest, because it would be improper. Hey, it’s not bothering Tommy at all. Get into it, dude.

Oh, and this week’s villain says he was paid to scare Lindy by something or someone called Babylon. Ooh, cyber code names. So mysterious.


But it’s not all bad:

What keeps this episode just a smidge closer to padding rather than filler was the admission from our villain of the week that he was paid to scare Lindy, presumably by Mr Stalker. The message is that Lindy should know what Babylon means. And that Lindy broke Babylon’s heart. Lindy’s reaction seems to indicate some sort of realisation, so maybe we might actually make some progress next episode.

Lindy is almost branded with an “X” by the villain of the week (though, he concedes that he wouldn’t have followed through, as he was only instructed to scare her). Victoria Justice sells the terror decently enough.

Gay Friend is sullen about Oliver’s apparent disinterest in him, but he enjoys Tessa’s superiority complex. Black Friend isn’t the faghag for you, Gay Friend. Join forces with Tessa. Think of all the drinking and anecdote-topping you could accomplish together.

Oh, and we get some Tommy shirtlessness. Eye Candy really should stick to what it knows best: casting attractive, young adults. And then having their characters become drugged and immobilised.

Eye Candy SOS Tommy shirtless drugged

“Just don’t touch the hair.”

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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