See No Evil 2 – Film Review

See No Evil 2 Katharine Isabelle

About as much as dead franchises like decade-late sequels.

On the one hand, the first See No Evil was an unqualified garbage fest, and a total insult to Rachael Taylor.

On the other hand, the directors’ (the Soska sisters) other movie in my reference pool, American Mary, was a troubled but promising little horror treat.

So will this be garbage, or a treat? Or maybe a treat with some garbage on the side?

Nah, just garbage.

TL;DR There is nothing new, exciting, or intellectual about this by-the-numbers slasher movie at all. Nor is it even very competent at being a simple, assembly line genre piece. Add that to the complete invalidation of the original’s ending, and you’ve got the worst kind of horror sequel. Cast isn’t bad, though. 1 out of 5 stars.

Katharine Isabelle is the ham American Mary wouldn’t let her be.

So the good part comes at the start, with the casting of slasher movie royalty Danielle Harris as a med school dropout who now enjoys a job at a morgue. It’s her birthday, but she chooses to stay back to deal with the truckload of bodies being hauled in from Jacob Goodnight’s same-night rampage from the first movie, which includes Goodnight’s body, too. Danielle’s token checklist group of friends, brother, coworker, and boss make up the victim pool for Goodnight’s inevitable rise from the dead and killing spree. They’re picked off one by one in even less satisfying and imaginative ways than the first movie. And just to really drive home how pointless the whole ordeal is, none of our heroes survive.

Danielle doesn’t even get to the be the last one killed. Her doofy coworker love interest gets that honour.

As bland and unimpressive as See No Evil 2 is, I can’t say it’s the worst bland and unimpressive horror movie I’ve ever seen.

What really pissed me off was Jacob Goodnight’s apparent godlike immortality. We all love the Michael Myers (well, except the sixth film) and Jason Voorhees of the world.

But they didn’t get a pole through their eye, fall out of a building, fall through another building, and then have their rib visibly explode their heart.

Nobody survives that. Fuck off.

 

Why I hate this movie:

I’m not kidding. Watch this. The first movie even goes to the effort of showing us an inside view of Goodnight’s heart literally being punctured and exploded. He did not survive that. No.

You don’t just put a band-aid over your eye hole and shrug off not having an in-tact heart. I’m willing to accept gunshot wounds; I’ll take stabbings; explosions that don’t explicitly show the body being obliterated, even. But I won’t take this.

To compound the fact that Goodnight is literally immortal, his supposed death scene at the climax of this movie goes out of its way to be seemingly final. Seth (doofy coworker love interest) injects Goodnight and fills him with some blue embalming fluid (formaldehyde, I guess?). So much so that it actually comes pouring out of Goodnight’s eye hole (he stabs him in the stomach with it, so that’s a lot of juice). But of course, that ain’t no thang to Jacob Goodnight, who manages to catch and kill Seth minutes later, anyway.

He manages to do this because Seth is too retarded to notice the seven foot tall, three hundred and thirty pound man hiding in the backseat of his beater hatchback when he tries to drive away. No fucking way.

Katharine Isabelle doesn’t get to do much in a surprisingly limited, and surprisingly early death, role. She chews up the scenery while she can, but she spends most of the time she’s alive off-screen. Wasteful.

This is yet another slasher movie without any worthwhile chase scenes. Not that I’m at all shocked by that anymore.

Every location in this movie looks identical. Also, how enormous is this bloody morgue? How many rooms does a morgue need? Tru Calling had, like, one.

After the recent improvement in WWE Studios, this is a disappointing return to the flaky early days. Like the first See No Evil.

Oh, and I was going to give this a 2 star rating on the casting alone, but that ending really pissed me the fuck off.

 

But it’s not all bad:

That casting, though. Firstly, there’s Danielle Harris (Halloween 4 and 5, Urban Legend, the Halloween remakes), the scream queen for the discerning 90s hipster; Katharine Isabelle (Gingers Snaps, Fredy vs Jason, the Hannibal TV series), the scream queen for Canadian hipsters; Chelan Simmons of Final Destination 3 and Tucker and Dale Vs Evil fame is the ditzy-but-genuine blonde friend; Michael Eklund, who is our favourite bleached-out drug kingpin from Bates Motel, is Danielle’s paraplegic boss; and the Soskas themselves make a cameo as a pair of corpses in the morgue.

Because they’re all turds, a couple of the characters’ deaths are fun. Katharine is a screeching goth wannabe, so seeing her get her throat cut by Goodnight while trying to flee was satisfying. Likewise, Will, Danielle’s brother, is a cowardly prude whom Danielle is unable to save from impalement with a saw.

Danielle herself gets unceremoniously impaled through a door. Goodnight’s gonna do that to you. He is Kane.

Apart from some early heroism from Danielle, the characters actually decide that it would be better to escape than to stay in the hospital. Goodnight prevents this, natch. But I appreciate the suggestion.

Goodnight drops that stupid eyeball fetish from the first movie.

Oh, and Danielle Harris makes thirty-seven years of age look fucking trivial. I’d like some tips, please.

 

Verdict:

If you don’t mind a flurry of frustration, dullness, predictability, lack of resolution, and sequeling-nobody-asked-for with your near-dream slasher movie casting, then See No Evil 2 is the movie for you. You’d be better off going and watching the, like, two scenes Danielle Harris has in Urban Legend, though. It’d be more complete and satisfying than this. 1 out of 5 stars.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

4 responses to “See No Evil 2 – Film Review”

  1. Rank says :

    Dude if you pay attention in the ambulance segment of the movie where Goodnight is being shock by the infibilaters he has a heart beat and plus he wasn’t dead his heart exploded yeah but it made for a good ending and also pay attention his hands moved while he was in the ambulance and the elevator also he was breathing in the elevator pay attention to it

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