Pretty Little Liars Season 5 Episode 18 – TV Review
Holbrook isn’t A. Try not to look so surprised.
On the plus side, our suspect pool now includes Mike, who still looks like an angry twelve year-old.
And Johnny’s back and more alternative and ridiculous as ever. I thought digging through garbage to make paint was crazy, but oh no, he’s not done yet.
TL;DR Holbrook isn’t A; Mike might be, as he’s been visiting Alison and acting shady; Cater Girl makes her play for Emily and sets off an Amber alert somewhere; a friend of Mona’s visits town; Johnny makes a pointless art installation for the cafe which I’m sure will become painfully integral in a future episode.
It’s a machine designed to record/listen to secrets. So set your eye rolls to maximum in anticipation. I already have.
Here’s the breakdown, plotwise:
Aria puts her relationship drama down for once and picks up the plot ball. She (through Spencer) finds out that Mike has been visting Alison in prison. Add that to some aggressive behaviour towards Leslie (Mona’s friend), Leslie’s story about Mike having an argument with Mona the night before she died, and a mysterious trip to a lake, and Mike is basically A now. I didn’t think an A suspect could get any stupider than Ezra, but now it’s fucking Mike. Good God.
Spencer finds out about the prison visits because Veronica is doing consulting work for Alison’s legal team. Spencer fights with Veronica about how she might now want to go to college (thanks, Johnny). She also puts her flirtation with Caleb on the shelf so she can flirt with Johnny. Disgusting.
Emily gets sexually harassed by Cater Girl. But like any teenage girl in a post-Twilight and 50 Shades world, that’s a turn on.
And Hanna babysits Leslie for a while. This leads to her finding a hidden cassette from Bethany’s Radley sessions in a book of Mona’s. The recording is of Bethany bitching about Alison. Maybe. She also stands up to Holbrook, who reveals he’s spent the last few weeks under interrogation by Internal Affairs due to his tampering with Alison’s polygraph, so he couldn’t be the A who has been messing with them. Alison’s cut him off now, and he’s suspended from duty.
It’s probably for the best, Holbrook. Leave the “wanting to have sex with high school girls” to Ezra and Cater Girl. We don’t need a whole team of paedophiles on this show. We’ve got enough, thanks.
I’m getting to the point where I’m just counting episodes with Pretty Little Liars. The pace is unbearably slow, and the plot is just increasingly muddled.
The only thing that excited me in the past month or so was Ashley’s sex with Jason. Everything else is arbitrary.
I don’t know if I can tough it out for two more seasons.
Why I hate this episode:
Jason and Ashley aren’t even in this episode, so I don’t know why I even bothered watching.
Fucking hands off, Cater Girl. Emily’s a high school girl, and she’s a coworker. You’re gross. Stop being gross.
Holbrook not being A is such a non-event, even the Liars are blasé about it.
Johnny is a fucking weirdo. His art installation is some dumbass contraption wherein someone can record a message using a microphone inside a plastic bubble, and then someone else can listen to it (live or recorded) through a vibrating table that uses your arm bones and your hands cupped around your ears to deliver the sound. I don’t know how this is relevant to a cafe/bookstore, but Johnny is really proud of himself for it. Spencer, who you might remember used to be the smart one of the group, is also over the moon over how amazing it is. Get fucked.
It will also 100% be integral to some kind of upcoming bullshit. I guarantee it.
Leslie is boring. The Liars compare her to Cece, which isn’t fair. Because Cece was fun.
Mike is needlessly mysterious and obstructive. Aria tails him to a lake, where he ominously leaves a bag of lollies on a pier for someone. Mike confronts her, but instead of them, like, I don’t know, talking to each other, Aria just acts like a lunatic and Mike makes a maybe threat about her getting home safely. Maybe Aria could have tried a little bit of “I’m your sister. Let’s have a normal conversation about what’s going on instead of making soap opera vagueries to each other.”
Why the fuck would Alison’s legal team allow Veronica to consult for them?
Caleb gets called in for questioning about the storage unit break in, but that scene gets interrupted by him and Hanna witnessing Holbrook’s stormy suspension. Then we don’t get to see the interview of Caleb. Rude.
We get some time-wasting flashbacks from Hanna to a sleepover she had with Mona. Is Janel Parrish still on the payroll?
Bethany’s taped rant doesn’t mention Alison by name, which means we’ll get some omg super twisty reveal that she was actually calling someone else a bitch. Probably Jessica.
Oh, and even after Mike threatened Aria, she is still offended when the Liars suggest he might be working for Alison. I never said Aria wasn’t dense.
But it’s not all bad:
Holbrook is eliminated as a suspect. It’s stupid. It’s obvious. But it’s progress.
And can you imagine if Mike really was A? That’d be wonderfully ridiculous. And being batshit retarded is the only way PLL can manage to entertain anymore.
Veronica is only doing the consulting so she can get the inside scoop on what Alison’s defence will be. Nicely done, V.
Veronica also disapproves of Johnny. So she is my hero this episode. Because Johnny is trash.
The Bethany tape is delightfully irate. Mona hid it in an Edgar Allen Poe book she had.
Mike sees Leslie carrying the book around and rages at her for taking something from Mona’s room. Hanna seems to genuinely care about his grief when she assures him she’ll makes sure it goes back.
This scene takes on a different light when Leslie later reveals that she now recognises a voice she heard yelling at Mona on the night she died: Mike. Leslie was on the phone to Mona, and she heard Mike demand she hang up so they can talk.
Later, the A stinger shows A looking in the book for the tape and becoming frustrated that it’s already gone. Oh, Mikey.
The barrel contents are yet to be confirmed, but the blood spots on the floor of the storage unit turn out to be from Alison. So things are looking up for the Liars.
Oh, and Holbrook confronts Hanna post-suspension by illegally pulling her over. He bitches at her about Alison for a bit, and when he becomes physical, Hanna beats his ass and says he should consider himself lucky that Alison is finished playing with him. Click click, baby.