Eye Candy Season 1 Episode 4 – TV Review

Eye Candy YOLO Lindy phone

“I was the star of the show! I should have been the successful one!”

Eye Candy interrupts your regularly scheduled serial killer hacker serial to bring you a bizarre, CBS-esque crime procedural.

Hell, even CBS would be like “no, thanks” to this episode.

If it’s too dumb for CSI, then you’ve gone too far.

TL;DR Lindy and Tommy investigate an unrelated case about a group of missing party teens, which ends dissatisfyingly; and that’s it.

The episode’s title is “YOLO,” if you weren’t totally sold on hating it already.

So yeah, there’s no Mr Stalker or Flirtural or even Black Friend or Gay Friend this episode. Just Lindy helping Tommy and the police investigate the disappearance of a group of drunken teens from a party bus. One of them turns up with the bus, and seeing as he’s the creepy loner, is assumed guilty. Further investigation leads to the party bus driver, who is also innocent. As it turns out, Loner and the leader of the party bus were in kahootz to stage a viral video wherein they’d scare and convince their four other friends that an urban legend they made up was real. Things went awry when Miss Leader tripped off a deserted boat that was part of the ruse and drowned, leaving the four “victims” trapped inside the boat, the bus driver terrified from an earlier scaring from Loner and Leader, and Loner confused and guilty over what might have happened. The victims end up fine, and Lindy and Tommy convince Loner not to commit suicide via immolation because Leader wouldn’t have wanted that blah blah bah.

Seriously, there’s no arc-relevant stuff at all.

The most insulting part of all of this is that Eye Candy, remember, is only going to be on for ten episodes. And considering the pace thus far hasn’t exactly been at lightspeed, including a filler episode is just insane.

Is the season’s plot really so bare that a total filler episode was required?

 

Why I hate this episode:

Up until about halfway through I was hoping that the kids’ disappearance would be perpetrated by Mr Stalker, and we’d maybe get to see some mangled bodies or something. But no. Just some dipshits trying to make a viral video for an Internet boogeyman they made up. Slender Man is so six years ago, MTV. Get current.

The urban legend isn’t even that good. It’s called The Stowaway, and the tale goes that a bunch of kids were partying on a boat, and pranked the loser of the group who always tagged along by locking him in the engine room. The police broke up the party, and the kids forgot to free the loser, so he died in there. Now he haunts kids who go near docks at night. Come on, people. Nobody who spends their time reading urban legends on the Internet leaves the house, let alone goes to dock parties. Your boogeyman is impotent.

The resolution makes for a decent twist, but the fact that everything was just a fucking accident, and not even from a different killer or anything relevant to Lindy, is bonkers. What an unqualified waste of time on all fronts.

To add to the stupidity factor, a psychic also gets involved. Although she admits that what she told the kids for the video was bought by Leader (except for a warning about water), she later gives Tommy a reading on a photo of Sarah and claims that she’s alive. Because they only way to make your threadbare, MTV show about a Tinder serial killer more credible is to throw a psychic into the mix.

Lindy does several criminal things while helping solve the case, and Sergeant cheerfully overlooks them all, despite Tommy’s reasonable protestations.

Oh, and Leader’s characterisation is a wishy-washy mess. She’s fucktarded enough to spend time and money on a plan to destroy her friendships in the pursuit of making a subpar viral video, but then she’s also, like, totally sweet and generous when talking about Loner, her boyfriend, who all her other friends don’t like. Tommy and Lindy convince Loner not to kill himself because his life can help Leader’s memory live on. The memory of a dumbass viral video wannabe? No, thanks.

 

But it’s not all bad:

Tommy and Lindy were also saving their own butts, because Loner’s preferred method of suicide is “blow up the boat I’m on,” which Lindy and Tommy also happened to be on. So points to them for that.

Leader gets everyone to say “YOLO” when they take their group photo at the beginning of the night, and the friends at least have the decency to remind her that nobody says that anymore. So Eye Candy isn’t completely out of touch.

Lindy is avoiding Aussie Guy because she’s embarrassed that she got him arrested under suspicion of being a serial killer, which we now know he isn’t. So she should be.

Part of Leader’s plan to scare the party bus driver off involves hooking up with him (which is apparently okay with Loner). You get some, gurl.

Oh, and Lindy uses that bracelet from last episode to hook up a frayed wire on the ship’s PA system so she can talk Loner down from his suicide. Cute.

Eye Candy YOLO Lindy bracelet

Not as victorious as Ariana Grande is at life, but we can’t all be a wailing, jailbait fantasy, can we?

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

5 responses to “Eye Candy Season 1 Episode 4 – TV Review”

  1. Anonymous says :

    When it comes to making Victorious puns, you are…victorious.

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