The Vampire Diaries Season 6 Episode 12 – TV Review

I figured out a solution to our “Kai is attracted to Elena” dilemma, by the way: bring Katherine back and let him chase after her, instead.

Kai and Katherine together would be almost too fantastic to handle.

Such ruthless bitchiness the world has never seen.

TL;DR The gang manages to cure Liz of her fatal vampirism, but not her cancer; Kai wins the merging ceremony against surprise entrant Luke; Damon and Elena truly reignite their passion for each other; Luke is dead, fyi.

Or at the very least is now part of Kai. So can we officially declare Kai gay now?

The plot this episode is mainly preoccupied with Liz’s condition, so we’ll start there. It turns out the guy Caroline tested the vampire blood on died because the vampire blood accelerated his cancer and killed him. He turns into a vampire, but is left in endless agony because the cancer just keeps growing. Ouch. To prevent this happening to Liz, Damon wakes up Kai and tasks him with sucking all the magic out of Liz, thus making it impossible for her to become a vampire. In exchange, Damon allows Kai loose to go merge with an unprepared Jo. However, Damon arranges for Papa Gemini, who is visiting his kids, to pull a shock merge ceremony on Liv and Luke. Luke gets away and offers to merge with Kai, because he wants to save Jo and because he thinks he can beat Kai. He doesn’t. Meanwhile, Caroline spends most of the episode blaming herself for what could happen to Liz. Stefan consoles her. Meanwhile, Elena somehow finds time to clog up the episode with her irrelevant emotions, and has a bit of a kissy kiss with Damon. And Tyler is the one who interrupts Papa Gemini’s forced merging ceremony on the twins, and pledges to take care of Liv.

I think his breaking up of the merge was the only time in about the last three seasons where I was genuinely happy to see him.

Well, the net outcome of the episode is Liz gets to live a little while longer, Caroline and Stefan are closer together, and Kai wins a fabulous merging duel and triumphs again.

I can suffer a little Elena sooking for that.

 

Why I hate this episode:

For fuck’s sake, Elena, though. Way to make everything about you. Who gives even half a shit about your stupid re-do romance with Damon? Liz is fucking dying of vampire super cancer, and Kai is literally out and about killing his family members again. Your impotent, unnecessary emotions over Liz’s condition are the lowest priority. Shut the fuck up and fuck off.

Way to take Damon’s attention away from Liz, too. I think her situation is a little more immediate than your matters of the heart. A heart you, yourself, intentionally erased. Let’s not forget that.

The other major letdown of the episode is Enzo’s absence. I need some nasty British accent time in my life. The Originals is only on once a week, and I don’t even like Klaus that much, anyway.

I don’t know how the fuck Liv and Luke could even remotely be interested in meeting with their homicidal arsehole of a father. Having him in a different state didn’t feel safe enough. And we’re proven right when he forces the merge on them after their meeting.

The fact that their proposal was to have him agree to allowing Jo attempt the merge with Kai is still baffling me. How about, um, nobody do the merging ceremony? Liv and Luke aren’t as batshit as Papa Gemini. How about you just, like, not?

This insistence from everyone that the merge be completed one way or another is also the reason why nobody is allowed to just kill Kai. Which, although I would be sad at Kai’s loss, is the most bloody obvious solution to every problem. Liv and Luke should just fuck their evil-as-hell family off and live their lives. They’re twenty-two years old. Make up your own minds, goddammit.

Vampire blood creates super cancer just because. There’s no explanation as to why. Other illnesses and injuries are all just a magical blood cure away, but cancer is not having any of it. Obstructive.

How did Cancer Guy get from Duke University to Caroline’s place? Did she give him her name and address before she compelled away his memory? No, seriously, did she?

Oh, and Damon cops shit from Jo about how he let Kai loose, which is how Luke ended up attempting to merge with him, and how Luke then ended up dying. But Tyler was the one who originally started waking Kai up so he could get loose and merge with Jo (to save Liv, obv). Basically, I just want people to be mad at Tyler.

 

But it’s not all bad:

Damon’s plan with Kai to save Liz is kind of genius. Tyler just wanted Kai up and out so he could save Liv from doing the merge ceremony with Luke. Damon then expanded on that to broker the deal with Kai to save Liz. Very clever, Damon.

And he does it, too. So Liz isn’t going to die from vampire super cancer right now. She’s going to die from regular cancer a little bit later. Yay. For now.

In contrast to how tangential Elena and Damon’s relationship is this episode, Stefan and Caroline sneak in their own moments within the context of what’s happening. Caroline chooses to abandon Liz’s bedside out of shame for trying the vampire blood on her. Stefan comforts Caroline with a story about how his own mother was sick, and he used to do chores that he told himself were to help her, but were really so he could avoid her. He’s always regretted not spending more time with her before she died. This helps Caroline decide to return to the hospital.

She doesn’t make it in time before Liz supposedly dies from a heart attack post-magic suck. Caroline’s anguish is heartbreaking and moving. Liz is then like “I ain’t dead” and everything is even better.

Later, Liz sends Caroline off to get her a coffee so she can have a private conversation with Stefan. She tasks him with looking after Caroline when she’s gone. Caroline eavesdrops from the hallway. Oh, Liz. Even on your near-deathbed, you’re still shipping away.

Bonnie isn’t in this episode. That’s two in a row!

As said, Tyler makes his one positive contribution ever and is the one who bashes Papa Gemini to break up his forced merge of Liv and Luke. I knew he’d find his purpose one day.

All of the anti-magic spell is gone from Kai’s body, so Kai doesn’t get to do as much strutting this episode. But his victory over Luke in the merging ceremony is good enough. Does this mean that he also has Luke’s magic now, and won’t have to steal magic to be able to use it anymore?

Kai initially refuses to merge with Luke because, hey, they’re not twins with each other. Luke gives some BS reasoning about how they’re still siblings and that they’re both the same age. The cherry on top, though, is the term Luke uses during the rationale: giving it “the old college try.” Which is about as gay as subtext gets.

The best line of the episode, as you should expect by now, goes to Kai after he wins the merge. Jo thought Luke had won when he woke up briefly. But then he died for real, and Kai came up to gloat: “You win some, you lose some. Except for me. I always win.” Then he cloaks himself before Damon can attack. Fabulous.

Jo made Elena a new daylight ring, if you were wondering.

Elena rightly criticises Stefan and Caroline for not sticking around longer than five seconds after giving Cancer Guy the vampire blood to see if he would, oh, I don’t know, fucking die the next day. Jesus.

Oh, and Damon burns Elena when he finds her trying to resuscitate Liz after her heart attack. He suggests they call a real doctor. Because, you know, they’re in a hospital.

TVD Prayer for the Dying Elena Liz CPR

They are a proud, frustrating sisterhood.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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