Glee Season 6 Episode 4 – TV Review
Every time I think Glee has finally, finally hit rock bottom, Ryan Murphy busts out the dynamite and blows the bottom clear away, revealing more sprawling, cavernous depths of unbearable retardation.
For example, the plot of this episode hinges on hypnosis.
I’ve never said “Oh my fucking God” in rage so many times in a forty minute period.
TL;DR Sue ships Kurt/Blaine, so makes it her mission to get them back together; she uses hypnosis on Sam to destroy any friendliness between Rachel and Will; which pushes Will to make Vocal Adrenaline storm an invitational McKinley hosts, crushing the New Directions’ morale; and the episode really isn’t even over yet, because there’s a fucking Part 2 next week.
Have you no mercy, Glee?
Sue takes command of both major plotlines this week, but we’ll start with the relevant glee club goings on. She has a renewed passion for destroying the glee club after a minor slight from Will, so she ambushes the New Directions by inviting Vocal Adrenaline and the Warblers for an invitational competition (read: arbitrary). Apparently the New Directions’ raggedy, four-member band won’t be embarrassed enough by the polish of the two seasoned, full-fledged teams, so Sue arranges some extra sabotage: she uses a pocket watch to hypnotise Sam into first kissing Rachel, then making him forget about it (to fuck with her head), and then for Sam to attempt to steal Will’s mail, then when Will catches him, claim Rachel told him to do it in an effort to psych Will out and underperform at the invitational. Will is about as gullible as Sam, because he believes the story, and eschews an earlier agreed-upon deal with Rachel to go easy at the invitational, and instead busts out Vocal Adrenaline’s full pizzazz to destroy Rachel’s hopes. Meanwhile, Sue makes it her personal mission to get Kurt and Blaine back together, despite Kurt’s half-hearted protestations. She does so by messing with Karofsky with the goal of getting Blaine to dump him. It doesn’t work. Oh, and she also tries to get Will fired by informing the principal of Carmel High that Will had indeed colluded with Rachel to throw the invitational.
She’s got you there, buddy.
I actually left out the original inciting incident for Sue’s entire tirade, which, if you were unsure about Glee’s absolute loss to the dark side, will convince you that this show is unsalvageable: Will accidentally leaves an unused, plastic fork on a table when Sue invites him for lunch at McKinley because she wants to be friends.
And I thought the muppet incident was insane.
Why I hate this episode:
I was hoping the Glee production staff would have pulled a Gossip Girl and taken the opportunity to close out their very definitely final season with some semblance of dignity. They evidently went in the opposite direction.
Another key element to the plot is Sue flying around a very conspicuous drone (with flashing lights and all) to spy on Rachel, Will, etc. She records what she sees, and uses the recording to rat out Will’s collusion to the Carmel principal. Did nobody seriously see this fucking drone? Like, come on. Glee isn’t always on the closest terms with reality, but this is a tangible plot point that matters. Oh my fucking God.
Likewise, the hypnotism of Sam is deplorably blasé. If it was just a minor, whatever throwaway joke, I could allow it. But it’s the single thing that causes Will to flip on Rachel and send Vocal Adrenaline out to ace their invitational performance. Oh my fucking God.
Sue gets a rare solo song with Meredith Brooks’ Bitch. And it sucks. The reason Sue never had many songs in Glee is because she’s not that good at singing, don’cha know. Vogue was acceptable because it was endearingly faithful and it was the first time. That shit ain’t cute anymore. And poor Jane Lynch.
Why the holy helling fuck would Sue be a shipper for Kurt and Blaine?
Sue refers to herself as Kahleesi and the drone as her dragon. A Game of Thrones reference? Actually, a Kahleesi reference? Is this 2011? Glee: old meme crusader.
Before the invitational performances begin, Sue breaks out a “Happy Hunger Games” and “May the odds be ever in your favour.” Is this 2012? Also, Chad Michaels already locked that first one down, Glee.
The Vocal Adrenaline students are hostile towards Will when he tries to mess with their set list in his efforts to throw the invitational, then they’re hostile towards him when he encourages them to slay. What the fuck do you want, then?
Blaine actually believes the bogus geneaology chart that Sue shows him that indicates he and Karofsky are third cousins. I know Blaine was dumb enough to get engaged to Kurt, but I didn’t know he was this far gone.
Rachel and Sam sing a predictably subpar version of Vanessa Carlton’s white girl anthem A Thousand Miles. Their car piano sucks.
Rachel asks Sam on a date, but he turns her down because he’s still in love with Mercedes. Lol, why?
Carmel’s principal is the actor for Figgins in drag. She’s supposedly Figgins’ sister, and she also informs Sue that Figgins’ first name is “Principal.” Does anyone on the Glee writing staff care anymore? Just kidding. Of course they don’t. They’re too busy pulling double duty and destroying American Horror Story.
Kurt is excited to meet a guy he’s been online dating, and it turns out to be Harry Hamlin. No, Harry. Surely times aren’t that tough. At the very least, don’t rope Lisa Rinna into this nightmare. Her barely there cameo on Awkward was demoralising enough.
Oh, and Kurt puts out the fire on their date, but his guilt to be courteous makes him agree to being friends. Eh, you know what? Harry Hamlin is Harry Hamlin. I’d still take it. Your loss, Kurt.
But it’s not all bad:
Vocal Adrenaline do as Vocal Adrenaline do and deliver a medley of The B-52’s Rock Lobster and Devo’s Whip It (the Devo one even has the hats), which are a little bit quite qood. Except Vocal Adrenaline’s lead singer has no personality. But that’s to be expected.
Sue, despite spending 99% of the episode being an insane, out-of-character plot pusher, gets in the episode’s finest moment of sanity. Will storms her office after she exposes his collusion to the Carmel principal, and Sue rightly puts him in his place about the quality of his teaching: he never even knew Spanish when he was at McKinley, and he only ever focused on the talented members of the glee club. She lists off forgotten minor characters like Joe, Rory, and Matt (the black dancer. And I didn’t even have to look up his name. Because he was around during the only good episodes of Glee, and that’s worth remembering). And she accurately recalls that Will only got Finn in the glee club by stalking him in the showers, which is pretty inappropriate. Will feebly tries to hit back that he’s caught wind of Sue’s impending retirement and he’ll have the last laugh yada yada, but damn, dude, that doesn’t even leave a scratch.
She also mentions his “washboard forehead,” which is a level of burn for which there is no rebuttal.
Oh, and Rachel and Kurt’s despair over the Vocal Adrenaline performance is tasty. Even the Warblers are sweating and grimacing.