Pretty Little Liars Season 5 Episode 16 – TV Review

PLL Over A Barrel

Bring back Jason. Where’d he go?”

One episode after Ashley has the hottest hook-up of hers and the show’s life, her least hottest comes roaring back.

Don’t do it, Ashley. Think of your vagina. She’s had to put up with Ted for two and a half seasons.

Let her have something that doesn’t come with a plate-sized cookie.

Seriously, do Americans regularly eat cookies that size?

TL;DR Ted proposes, which is not good for anyone; Aria schemes to find ways not to tell Ezra about the letter she wrote to Jackie; Emily is a bitch at work; Spencer and Caleb maybe find Mona’s body; A does nothing of importance.

It’s hard to send cryptic text messages from behind bars. Or is it?

You want a plot rundown? Well, here. Take it:

Spencer picks up the plot ball this episode. Mona’s laptop sends off some security code thing, which leads her and Caleb (the only available crew members at the time) to find it in a storage facility. They also find what appears to be Mona’s bloody clothes, and a smelly, sealed barrel. They also manage a little bit of sexual tension, which is a nice reprieve from Spencer’s continued fighting with Toby. Johnny moves in, and she flirts with him, too. Sluts gon’ slut.

Aria frets about Ezra finding out about the meanie meanie poo-pants letter she wrote about him. She is gratefully distracted when it appears Holbrook is trying to contact her for a meeting, but it ends up being just some mundane A scheme to expose Ashley and Jason’s sex. And it fails.

Hanna spits at Ashley about fucking things up with Ted. Ted chooses this time to propose marriage to Ashley, who delays her answer with an “I’ll think about it.” Hanna assumes the via-Aria A scheme was Alison’s rebuttal to Hanna’s rude prison visit last episode.

And Emily tries marking her work territory, as Ezra has indeed hired Cater Girl from last episode. Cater Girl appears to flirt with Emily, but she also admires Ezra’s butt. So we might have a bona fide bisexual on our hands.

As long as it isn’t Emily that’s bisexual, I’m okay. Because flushing five seasons’ worth of gay solidarity down the drain with a “bi the way” would be pretty fucking abysmal.

Speaking of abysmal, there’s a show called Pretty Little Liars that you might be interested in.

Oh, I’m kidding. It’s not that bad.

At least it’s not on MTV.

 

Why I hate this episode:

First of all, let’s just take a moment to again dismiss Johnny. Not only is he an insufferable hipster douchebag (he rummages through Spencer’s rubbish for scraps of food to make paint. Like, really?), but he’s also totally getting in the way of this blossoming UST between her and Caleb. Like, step off, Johnny. Go make some garbage art and not go to college by yourself, thank you. Spencer is busy right now.

I keep forgetting that Ted exists. And I certainly don’t appreciate being reminded of his existence in such close proximity to Ashley’s sex with Jason. Couldn’t she have gotten a few more rounds in with Jason before it all came tumbling down?

I know it wasn’t Hanna’s place, but way to go defusing the proposal situation, Hanna. Jesus. She doesn’t tell Ted not to do it. And then she doesn’t warn Ashley that he’s going to do it. Since when has keeping a secret ever been something you girls can do successfully?

I don’t give any volume of shits about Emily’s turf war with Cater Girl at Ezra’s cafe. PLL only remembers that Emily has a job when it’s convenient, anyway.

Cater Girl, Emily’s a high school student. You should not be flirting with high school students. Though, I suppose you are an acquaintance of Ezra’s, so that might explain it.

An early A prank involves A programming the cafe’s receipt printer to print off the entirety of Aria’s letter on her coffee receipt. What the fuck, PLL? The fireworks were bad enough.

Toby has another bitch fit at Spencer when she tells him about how she and Caleb broke into the storage unit. Worst police contact double agent ever, Spencer.

Aria is trying to get into a different college to avoid the possibility of Ezra finding out about the letter. So she’s literally preferencing the possibility of a fight with Ezra over her college future. Way to appreciate your blessings, Aria.

Oh, and Hanna is just jealous that Ashley is getting better D than she is.

 

But it’s not all bad:

It appears that Jason and Ashley maybe weren’t going to be all over and done with. Aria bumps into Jason while she’s waiting for her supposed rendezvous with Holbrook, and Jason is at the restaurant because he was supposed to have lunch with Ashley. Can you imagine if Ashley dumped Ted for Jason? No, the universe isn’t that generous. Never mind.

Despite her bitter turf war with Cater Girl, Emily actually earns some maturity points for starting to get over Paige. She’s chosen not to put her life on hold to go visit her, and simply sends Paige’s things she left at her place in the mail. She is wearing an old shirt of hers (which Cater Girl rips on), but any step in the right direction for Emily must be commended at this point. At least Paige didn’t pull a Maya.

Cater Girl climbs the sleaze rankings by both hitting on her high school-aged coworker, and openly perving on her boss. Sluts gon’ slut.

I have zero faith that the barrel in the storage unit has Mona inside. That would be far too easy. What is juicy, though, is Caleb’s discovery that the storage unit is rented in Hanna’s name. Oh, A.

We haven’t seen an A stinger in a while, but we get one this episode. A hooded figure goes into Holbrook’s office at night, seems to know their way around his desk, and is able to log into his computer. This is clearly to position the figure as Holbrook, but in a show where most of the supporting cast have been A (or A-adjacent) at one time or another, anything could happen.

The knife from last episode is discussed as having been destroyed, so I suppose I’ll have to take everyone’s word for it.

A fellow storage unit person tells Spencer that she’s seen a blonde girl around.

Oh, and I traditionally end my PLL reviews with a picture of Hanna. But you know what, Hanna? Maybe when you start doing something that isn’t dull as hell, then I’ll get back to you. For now, Spencer is getting her slut on with your man. So deal with it.

PLL Over A Barrel Spencer Caleb

You better make a move, Caleb. Johnny Garbage Hands is hot on your tail.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

11 responses to “Pretty Little Liars Season 5 Episode 16 – TV Review”

  1. Anonymous says :

    Ew, Johnny.

  2. rockabore says :

    Johnny is so douchey. I’m wondering if he has a point in the show or if he’ll be like the hot nerd or Hanna’s temporary replacement for Caleb.

    I can’t help but notice how wooden Tobey is when he’s trying to talk with seriousness to Spencer. Please, writers, play to the guy’s strength. Just show his abs. It’s what we’ve come to expect.

  3. Beth says :

    Ugh. Why am I reading this? I haven’t seen a single ep of this last season…. 😥

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