Glee Season 6 Episode 3 – TV Review
Let’s just say that Santana lays her best ever stream of insults into Kurt in a ball-busting takedown of breathtaking proportions, even for her.
Which means Glee season 6 has likely hit its peak, and it’s only episode 3.
TL;DR Rachel and Kurt bicker, but then decide to be better colleagues; Becky has a normal boyfriend, who everyone is suspicious of; Bieste is transgendered now for some reason; the New Directions have some mashup themed week, but nobody cares.
At least they’re not doing Top 40 trash, for once.
So the supposed focus of the episode is on this mashup week. Rachel and Kurt decide they’ll be mashing up songs from Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill (Alanis, again?) and Carole King’s Tapestry. Quinn, Puck, Tina, Brittany, and Santana are still hanging around, so they join in to help the glee club. The actual glee club members are then promptly shoved out of focus so Santana can propose to Brittany. This sets Kurt off, because he’s still a big baby over his breakup with Blaine, leading to Santana’s monumental verbal beating. Kurt also pisses off Rachel, because he has forgotten he’s essentially an intern, and not in fucking charge. Kurt, surprisingly, realises his wrongdoing, and makes up with Rachel eventually. Meanwhile, Becky ropes in Quinn and Tina to help fool her college boyfriend into believing a lie she told about being in glee club. The girls, and Sue, question his intentions, which gives us the perfect opportunity for Glee to soapbox about treating disabled people the same as everyone else. Meanwhile, Bieste reveals she’s suddenly transgendered. Which gives us the perfect opportunity for Glee to soapbox about treating transgendered people the same as everyone else. And Sam is a lucky little snake, because he’s been salivating over a promotion, and Bieste’s sojourn from duty while she transitions is just what he needed.
Because Sam didn’t really dream of being a model. No, he wanted to be a high school football coach. Glee: paragon of consistency.
Considering I actually cackled IRL several times during Santana’s beatdown of Kurt, I’m tempted to concede Glee a pass for most of my ire this episode.
Hell, we’ve still got a whole season to slog through. I’m sure Glee will give me plenty more time to really jump down its cavernous, non-gag reflexing throat.
Why I hate this episode:
Kurt, tho. He’s literally just doing the glee club for work experience. Not only is Rachel there in official capacity, but she fucking paid for it herself. Kurt needs to step the fuck off and let Rachel run her own goddamn club. Shouldn’t he just be fetching coffees or making copies? I also love the fact that Kurt chose a work experience placement where he wouldn’t have anything to learn.
Kurt majorly offends Rachel when he tears into Jane and Male Twin after their forgettable mashup performance. Rachel is so furious that she sends him home for the day. Kurt tries to make amends and apologise the next day, but Rachel reveals that Jane and Male Twin were actually grateful for Kurt’s harsh criticism, as it will help them become better performers or whatever. Because Kurt is literally Jesus. Not that it’s news to us.
Becky’s plotline is tragically forced. As mentioned, it’s entirely constructed so the BF can have a moment to blast our concerned characters about the evils of patronising the disabled.
Why is he even dating Becky? He seems like a pretty vanilla, nice guy. And Becky is an absolute cuntfest. She blatantly displays this when, near the end of the episode, she spoils their date by slapping their shared milkshake off the table. He kind of just laughs it off with an “Oh, you.” Dude, you can do better. Not because of the disability. But because Becky is a terrible human being.
The Alanis/King mashups aren’t memorable. The whole mashup lesson plot seems even less integral to the story than the usual Glee lesson-of-the-week. Jagged Little Pill and Tapestry are, as told by Kurt and Rachel, breakup albums. But Kurt is the only one who has gone through a recent breakup (which he is responsible for, let’s not forget). Who is this supposed to be relating to?
Blaine and Karofsky are moving in together. God, I actually miss Karofsky’s bullying. This sweater-vesting pussy he’s become is no fun at all. Even Kurt, in all his vain, deluded misery, is more compelling than Karofsky The Pushover.
I was under the impression that Bieste had come to terms with being just a very masculine woman. But no, it’s the final season baby, and we need some of that juicy, transgender melodrama. And isn’t this ground we mostly covered with Unique, anyway?
Bieste denies Gay Footballer the chance to be quarterback, so he goes weaseling to Sue to attempt to rat her out for all the drugs he saw her taking (which Sue thinks are cancer meds, and we later learn are for her transition). Bitch, you had your chance to scheme with Sue to get what you want last week, and you blew it. Fuck off.
Kurt has a flashback-laden pining session for Blaine when Jane and Male Twin do their mashup. It’s like we didn’t only find out last week that Kurt was the one who broke up with Blaine. For fuck’s sake.
Oh, and Blaine and Kurt sing a duet of It’s Too Late as the episode’s opening number. Thanks for the reminder of how unpleasantly their voices go together, Glee.
But it’s not all bad:
I’m going to eschew the usual beating around the bush, and get straight to Santana’s legendary rebuttal to Kurt after he poo-poos Santana’s proposal to Brittany. It’s multiple (many multiple) lines, but it’s the episode’s, and maybe the series’, best line (there was also a word ending in “phile” that I couldn’t decipher, but don’t let that spoil your fun):
“Maybe Brittany and I are too young to get married. I mean, after all, that’s why it didn’t work out with you and Blaine, right? Or maybe it didn’t work out because you’re a judgemental little something-o-phile with a mouth like a cat’s ass. Maybe Blaine got tired of hearing a shrill, self-aggrandizing lecture about how you felt the two of you were at the very apex of the gay rights movement every time you so much as cooked macaroni and cheese together. Or farted. Maybe Blaine didn’t wanna be with someone who looks like they just removed their top row of dentures every time they smile, or someone who doesn’t dress like an extra out of one of Andy Dick’s more elaborate wet dreams. Maybe Blaine grew weary of dating a breathier, more feminine Quinn Fabray. Maybe he finally got freaked out by your strange obsession with old people that causes you to skulk around nursing homes like one of those cats that can smell cancer. Maybe he got tired of watching you drape yourself on every piano you happened to pass to entertain exactly no-one with; sing some song that Judy Garland choked on her tongue in the middle of, or some sassy old Broadway standard made famous by another dead, alcoholic crone. Maybe Blaine woke up one day and said ‘You know what, I don’t wanna marry a sexless, self-centred baton twirler. Maybe I need someone who knows more than three dance moves: the finger wag, the shoulder shimmy, and the one where you pretend to twirl two invisible, rainbow coloured ribbons attached to your hips.’ So you know what? Maybe that’s why it didn’t work out. Maybe it has nothing to do with me and Brittany. Maybe it’s just that you are utterly, utterly intolerable. Maybe that has something to do with it.”
I’m sure Kurt will internalise exactly none of this. But I appreciate Glee throwing us a bone every now and then.
Becky gets the second best line of the episode after Quinn, Tina, Santana, and Brittany tell her to nut up and be honest with her boyfriend: “Thanks, guys. You’re mostly stupid bitches, but you’re pretty cool, too.” I’ll assign the stupid to Brittany and Tina, and the cool to Quinn and Santana.
Becky also calls Quinn “Kitty” early on. I lol’d.
Sam is the suprise of the episode, showing that he’s itching to get in under Bieste and take her job. She tells him her recent absences are due to a knee injury, and he falls over himself to try and get the actual coaching gig. He solidifies his usurping intentions when he remarks to Gay Footballer that if he were coach, he’d allow Gay Footballer to try out for quarterback. Good killer instinct there, Sam.
Santana’s proposal to Brittany is cute enough.
Becky’s boyfriend is typical frat boy hotness. And he happily puts up with her buckets and buckets of bad behaviour. Becky may be a rough cunt, but she knows how to snag ’em.
Sue calls in Roz to help interrogate the boyfriend. Which I hope means that Roz has filled her cameo quota, and can never be seen again. Please?
Oh, and someone in Glee’s set design department is trying to get a message to the show: