Nobody Cares: BBAU 2014 Finale Week and Predictions Follow-up – Blog
I don’t want any of the final six to win.
But least of all Skye: The Betrayer.
So, it’s finale week. And what an absolutely absymal slog it was to get here.
Yes, the season started off bland and gimmicky. And yes, it ended being extremely bland and gimmicky. But we could have never known the total hatred Channel 9 seems to have against this show.
First, they killed it with timeslotting. Both with the insane 8:40pm starts, then the eventual soup of a schedule that would have been impossible to keep up with without a DVR.
Then, they cut the number of episodes a week down to a measly four. How the hell do they expect us to have an involving Big Brother experience when we spend three consecutive days not knowing what’s going on?
But I digress. Everybody already knows all that. And I would be foolish to spend any more time than necessary paying attention to Big Brother 2014.
For what it’s worth, the only housemate I didn’t objectively hate over the final few weeks was David, purely because he was hilariously (and fatally) upfront about his game-playing.
And if I had to back a winner, I’d put my money on manipulative, bitch-in-bimbo’s-clothing Skye. Her “I’m a dumb baby and can talk smack as much as I want without taking responsibility for it because of my dumb baby-ness” seems to be good enough for the voting public.
Prediction: “Hello, Miss First Evictee (barring any ridiculous twist shit, in which case I will disown this prediction)”
Yes, there was ridiculous twist shit (not least of all was the abandonment of the pairs aspect, which was supposed to be super important, right?). No, she wasn’t evicted first.
Prediction: “Katie’s forgettable and malleable. She will have no memorable interactions with anyone, and will be evicted out of pragmatism and apathy.”
Prediction: “Will be asked at least once whether he’s not entirely straight. I’d ask him myself (because I honestly don’t know), but I can’t get in.”
My gaydar is terrible.
Prediction: “Easily in the first three evictees. Lock it in. If she can’t even go one day without offending Skye, what chance does she have?”
This one was an easy victory. But I’m all about easy victories. Why do you think I still review Glee?
Prediction: “Will hook up with Sandra.”
Prediction: “Will hook up with David.”
Prediction: “Will turn out to betray his caustic opening statements and actually be a decent human being. I hope. Then I won’t have to feel bad about ogling him.”
It was a pre-Christmas miracle.
Prediction: “He’s a confident, loud gay man, but he isn’t a bitch. What’s the point, then? Will throw a tantrum over food (likely tomorrow night).”
I don’t remember. And seeing as I already claimed my easy victory with Gemma, I’ll be a bit more generous this time. If someone would like to fill me in via the comments, I’d appreciate it.
Prediction: “Will be punished for a rule infringement with the confiscation of beauty products and/or clothes.”
And that episode where she didn’t look like 2009-era Snooki’s butthole with purple lipstick on was a glorious time to be a viewer.
Prediction: “She’s gonna get sick of babying Skye in about 5 minutes. So I predict she will have at least one extended bitch session about her to someone.”
And then some.
Prediction: “Who cares? By which I mean he will follow the same path as Katie: have absolutely no impact, and be evicted without fanfare.”
Why, cruel world?
Prediction: “Will pash Skye at least once. And probably won’t even have to use his woman whispering skills, either. She’s cute, he’s cute. Not a hard sell.”
Nuh. She ended up going for the roided-out fake-namer. Ryan never stood a chance.
Prediction: “Unless the Neo FNL games include swimming challenges (or they’ve scrapped them altogether? I don’t know), he will be a disappointment at them.”
Neo FNL never materialised, so nobody won with this prediction.
Prediction: “Will betray all signs of blandness and become one of the central figures in the house.”
How did we let this happen, viewers?
Prediction: “She’ll turn out to be much meeker than her intro promised, and despite her claims of being one of the boys, will hook up with one of the boys.”
This is the one I was most proud of. Fucking nailed it. Just like Travis will on Wednesday night.
Prediction: “He’s not bro enough to fit in with the boys, and not a gay pity case like Ben From Brisbane, so he won’t fit in with the girls. So I’ll predict that Aisha will bemoan being saddled to him. I would.”
This one was a wild shot in the dark. Who knew that the dark was such an easy target?
And the results are in:
I got 8 Accurate (Katie, Gemma, Dion, Skye, Lisa, Cat, Aisha, Lawson)
I got 6 Wrong (Priya, Jake, David, Sandra, Travis, Ryan)
And 1 I’m not sure of (Jason), and 1 N/A (Sam). And I didn’t do predictions for any of the intruders. Because who gave a shit by that point?
So basically, I destroyed my score from last year.
It’s a shame Big Brother won’t be back for me to ruin my good luck next year. And with the quality we’ve seen from it in 2014, I won’t miss it.