The Vampire Diaries Season 6 Episode 5 – TV Review

TVD Trip Ivy dungeon

“Vampires can’t get pregnant, right?”

I feel like sometimes The Vampire Diaries is really looking out for the Elena haters.

Thanks, TVD.

TL;DR Elena is an incompetent crapsack; Tyler crashes into a homecoming party and injures several; Liv reluctantly murders a guy so Tyler can avoid his werewolf curse activation; Stefan tries to dump Ivy on Caroline and run; Bonnie and Damon open the portal out of ghost world, but an interfering (and betrayed) Kai causes only Damon to be released.

There’s also some concession for us Bonnie haters, too. It feels good.

The main happening this week is based around a homecoming corn maze party that the Whitmore students throw. Elena invites her little cockteased friend, Liam, along, and she also sets up Alaric and Big April on a date. Tyler texts while driving on his way to the party and ends up mowing through the whole thing. Oops. Liam, Elena, Alaric, and Big April do their best to tend to the wounded (Elena uses some vampire blood to help one chick out), while Tyler frets over the first guy he hit, who is slowly dying. Liv is the only one who reaches Tyler in time, and she heroically chooses to suffocate the victim to death, thus sparing Tyler the activation of his werewolf curse. Meanwhile, Stefan brings Ivy to Caroline for some vampire training. Ivy gets loose and starts chowing down around town. She’s abducted by Trip before Stefan and Caroline can save her. And over in ghost world, Bonnie betrays Kai and she does the spell to open the portal out by herself. Kai arrives at just the wrong time, and Bonnie uses her magic to fling Damon through the portal, sacrificing herself to ensure Kai, at least, can’t get out. Damon arrives back in the land of the living just in time to be discovered by an overjoyed Stefan.


So poor, poor Elena is the big sticking point with this episode.

I understand a corn maze is, well, a maze. But just how much ground did Tyler’s little crash manage to cover?

What? Elena can’t just vampire sprint over to where his truck ended up and give his victim a little vampire blood to heal him up?

What the fuck is wrong with you, girl?


Why I hate this episode:

This is made even more frustrating by the fact that Elena does use her blood to save some other chick, and almost uses it to save someone else. She knows Tyler needs her, but she just wanks around with Liam and does nothing to help.

Seriously, how big is this corn maze? Exactly how much ground can one skidding ute cover while it’s crashing? It’s fucking maddening. How the actual hell could Elena not have just walked over to Tyler in the bloody time it takes for his victim to fall to the brink of death? What. The. Fuck.

Major demerit points go to Alaric, too, who is another vamprie on the scene who is apparently unable to locate Tyler. Despite his vampire superhuman senses and speed. Nice going, team.

Stefan puts some more notches in his douchelord belt this episode. Ivy was your disposable girlfriend character, Stefan. You fucking deal with her.

Conversely, Ivy takes to the whole vampire thing with perplexing ease. I know I’m the first person to decry the new vampire angst as “we already did that with Vicki,” but for Ivy to be immediately fluent in all things vampire (except compulsion) is totally jarring. She barely even gives a shit, apart from a minor hissy fit early on. She can even control herself while feeding. Yeah, right.

Bonnie decides to betray Kai because she realises that he doesn’t know the spell to use the Ascendant and activate the portal. Obviously, she doesn’t know it either. But hey, this is Bonnie. She just wings that shit. Fuck off.

Also, the Ascendant just happens to be spelled with Bennett magic, which is why Kai needed Bonnie to use it. Are we really going to do this dance again? We better get some decent explanation as to why a random coven from states away would have a Bennett witch spell their super mega universe-altering talisman.

I’m ordinarily a fan of daring eyebrows, but Liam’s are out of control.

Why does Trip just happen to be driving by Whitmore?

Oh, and had Bonnie really not thought of the fact that “killing” Kai might not be permanent? This guy’s been trapped alone on a looping day for twenty years. As Kai rightly points out, he’s attempted suicide several times to no avail. I’d say Bonnie should think ahead for once, but TVD always hands her a Deus Ex Machina for every situation, so I suppose it’s not her fault.


But it’s not all bad:

Kai’s scream of anguish when the Ascendant breaks following Damon’s departure is so satisfying. I liked Kai as a bitch, but he’s even juicier as a broken bitch.

The undoubted stand-out moment of the episode is at the end, when Stefan discovers Damon. Stefan is in the Salvatore crypt despairing over how his life is so tortured without Damon around anymore. Just at that moment, Damon appears. Stefan’s disbelief and subsequent relief are warming, even to a heart as icy as mine. And their tearful embrace is powerful. It’s so lovely.

Liv also deserves an honourable mention for her selflessness to help Tyler. She has to kill someone with her bare hands to save him. Yeah, the dude was dying anyway (because Elena is too retarded to walk across a field), but that’s some pretty heavy shit. I was like whoa. Tyler is appropriately grateful, too. Do you think this might make their budding romance a little awkward, though?

And Bonnie also hops on the good deeds train when she forces Damon through the portal out of ghost world. Kai shoots her with a crossbow just as she and Damon are about to leave together. Damon tussles with Kai (he, too, also forgetting that he has vampire skills, and should be able to easily put down a puny, no-powers witchy wannabe), and orders Bonnie to save herself. Bonnie’s like “Nuh” and uses her magic to fling Damon through the portal, which then collapses and shatters the Ascendant. What a sweetheart.

Alaric gets best line of the episode after Stefan gives him an earful about how Damon was his brother and Stefan is sad blah blah: “He was my best friend.” So shut up, Stefan.

Alaric gets cold feet over his developing feelings for Big April, and compels her to view their date as an utter disaster and to basically run for the hills. Surprisingly, she seems unfazed by it and kisses him anyway, making it clear that the compulsion didn’t work. But she also didn’t call him out on being a vampire, so I’d cautiously say she’s not a vervain-guzzingly vampire hunter, either. Mysterious.

Damon and Bonnie are actually friends now. Aww.

Caroline owns three different types of Scrabble. Because she’s fabulous. And lonely.

Liam seems to notice that the girl he and Elena helped is unnaturally well (because Elena used blood to save her). He brings it up with Elena, but she pashes him to shut him up. Eh, it works, I guess.

Oh, and Bonnie looks good with an arrow in her. She should consider adopting that as a permanent thing.

TVD Bonnie Damon crossbow

Damon helping Bonnie just doesn’t feel right.
Because I don’t want anyone helping Bonnie.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

9 responses to “The Vampire Diaries Season 6 Episode 5 – TV Review”

  1. Lydia says :

    Well, at least Damon’s back.
    That’s pretty much the only good that came out of this episode. The Liv thing was meh too, though, considering we’re seriously lacking some likeable female characters. Caroline can’t hold this show forever.

  2. Alexander Manolides says :

    I’m actually pissed that Kai overpowered Damon. I mean, he is a powerless witch, so his strength should be the average scrawny 20 year old’s. Damon is a 147 year old vampire. Kai should be just a bitchslap away from getting his head ripped off everytime he raised his hand. He freakin cornered him! And we have seen Damon fighting off werewolves and Originals.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: