Revenge Season 4 Episode 5 – TV Review
In a world where Emily can revenge her way through any and every situation ever to come to light, she is inexplicably unable to simply go talk to David and tell him “Hey, I’m Amanda and I’m not dead. Also, Victoria is Satan incarnate.”
Send him a text or something, Emily. Jesus.
TL;DR Emily is incapable of talking to David; David starts to realise things aren’t adding up regarding Amanda; Charlotte is a huge cunt to Jack for no reason; Daniel bangs Louise, then backpedals.
The most important thing going on this episode is Emily’s futile effort to see David. Despite all her ninja training, she can’t figure out how to see a guy who comes and goes from his hotel room all he pleases, and has to eat humble pie when Charlotte and Victoria fuck up her chances of meeting him. She later sinks further down the black hole of incompetence by teaming up with Margaux and Daniel to have David move into the beach house. So she can wait until he’s comfortable enough for her to make her move. What even? Meanwhile, Charlotte squanders an opportunity to not be a cunt, and instead becomes an even bigger cunt by perpetuating Victoria’s lies to David and harassing Jack at the same time. Meanwhile, Daniel has sex with Louise, but later decides he wants their relationship to be strictly professional (Louise doesn’t seem fussed either way). Meanwhile, Hunter investigates the stagnant case of Conrad’s murder And David himself grows suspicious of his situation when things about Amanda don’t make sense to him.
Don’t worry, David. She was an annoying pain in the butt to us, too.
It’s sad that Louise is the most successful schemer this episode. Fucking Louise.
Emily is a monumental disappointment.
Just tell him you’re alive! It’s not that complicated.
Why I hate this episode:
Emily is worried that David will be horrified when he learns about all the revenge she’s carried out in his name (a point Victoria seems to be relying on, too). Who gives a shit? I’m pretty sure he’ll be relieved enough to find out his daughter is fucking alive. And Emily may be a rough bitch, but she’s not insane. He’ll give you a break, Emily. Just do it.
Also, unless my memory is failing me, what exactly has Emily done that’s really unforgivable? Mostly, she’s just ruined the lives of the people who ruined David. Victoria is all like “You’ve left so many bodies in your wake rah rah rah,” but apart from Pascal (and that was Conrad, not Emily), I can’t really think of any. Maybe Amanda? But David won’t care about her, because he didn’t even know her. And then there’s Conrad, but Conrad is David’s supposed kidnapper, so I doubt he’d mind that, either. And of course, Aiden. But Victoria killed Aiden. Who am I missing?
David ends the episode by proclaiming he’ll get revenge for Amanda’s death. But, like, Conrad’s already dead. Nate Ryan is already dead. And Kenny Ryan didn’t really have anything to do with it. Who is David going to take down?
Charlotte is an absolute piece of shit this episode. Emily appeals to her to do the right thing and let her see David. But instead, Charlotte panders to her mother, then takes David to see Jack and Carl, his apparent son-in-law and grandson. For no reason. Just to be mean. Unbelievable.
And when Jack likens her to Conrad more than Victoria, she takes that as an insult. Absurd.
David is almost run down by a man with a crescent moon tattoo on his hand (it’s the only defining feature we see of him). Oh dear God, this better not be some Initiative 2.0 cult shit.
Hunter, in his investigation into Conrad’s murder, pegs Jack as the most likely suspect. Despite the fact Jack was in jail that night due to Charlotte accusing him of kidnapping. When Hunter “learns” this, he acts all surprised by it. Dude, didn’t you already know that?
Victoria is smug and insufferable to Emily.
Oh, and as the final insult on the “why doesn’t Emily just tell David the truth” front, David comes to visit Nolan. They’re alone. Nobody is listening. And Nolan won’t tell David the truth. He does tell him that things are not as they seem, but isn’t honest with him. Jesus goddamn Christ. What is wrong with you people?
But it’s not all bad:
Praise be to Louise, the only character whose scheme is successful without also being completely retarded. She gets some sweet Daniel dick, and when he rejects her later on, she’s not mad. She just calls up Page Six to dish some dirt, baby. She’s on the ball.
Part of her seduction of Daniel is inviting him to a clothes store and purposely leaving her privacy curtain while changing a little bit open. Skankalicious.
I’ll give some minor praise to Emily for her gambit with Margaux and Daniel to get David back into the beach house. It is, unlike Louise’s plan, completely retarded. But it works. Because David is also bonkers.
Emily seems surprised that Daniel and Margaux are together. I’d like to see how a scheme fight between Emily and Margaux would pan out.
Hunter might be hilariously stupid, but at least he’s heading in the right direction by investigating Conrad’s death. It’s about time someone did. And the sooner David’s shit gets exposed, the better. Then Emily won’t have anything to feel guilty about and she can come clean to him.
Second best line of the episode goes to Jack, with the aforementioned comparison of Charlotte to her parents after she shows no remorse for harassing him by using David earlier: “You’re not Victoria. You’re worse; you’re Conrad.” Pfft, if only.
Best line of the episode goes to Emily, who can read Victoria for filth in her motherfucking sleep: “You know what I see? Is just a frightened woman about to lose the last person she could ever trick into loving her.” Shouldn’t have let Conrad get away, Viccy. At least he actually wanted to be with you. Because he wanted to hurt you. But it’s something, you know?
Jack gets a shirtless scene.
Oh. and Charlotte’s one positive contribution to the episode is getting what appears to be kidnapped (again) at the end of the episode when she drunkenly leaves a club with a handsome, shady stranger. Don’t come back, maybe?