The Vampire Diaries Season 6 Episode 4 – TV Review
Well, we knew Kai was kind of a douchebag.
I didn’t know he’d be an entire-family-murdering douchebag.
But sometimes good things just happen, you know?
TL;DR Kai knows how to get out of ghost world, but he’s super evil, so Bonnie isn’t so sure it’s worth it; Damon talks about how the worst thing he ever did was kill a pregnant chick (who was also Sarah’s mum); Elena and Stefan wallow in denial (nothing new).
And there’s no Caroline. Why are TVD and The Originals starving us of our blonde bitches?
The gang in ghost world take the focus this episode. Kai, being the mintzing weirdo he is, forces Damon to divulge the details of the worst thing he ever did, which happened to occur at the same time the ghost world is stuck in. Through flashbacks, Damon relates the tale of how he briefly returned to the Salvatore boarding house in 1994, finding an unwelcome Stefan and “Uncle” Zach. Damon does typical Damon stuff to entice Stefan over to the dark side, but Stefan is unmoved. So Damon goes ripping his way through the residents of the boarding house, ending his rampage on Gail, the pregnant girlfriend of Zach, who also happens to be Sarah’s mother (we’ll get to her in a bit). Kai, too, reveals his own dark secret: that he murdered his entire family, a family of witches, so the Gemini coven banished him to the ghost world as his own personal hell. Bonnie and Damon aren’t too keen on unleashing him back on the world and consider no longer pursuing an escape, but Kai is an abomination of a witch who can absorb magic, rather than generating it, so they’ll be forced to help him lest he kill Bonnie and do the spell himself. Meanwhile in the real world, Stefan shows Elena how easy it is to start a new life and pretend you’re not a bloodthirsty vampire killing machine. She whines at him for lying to himself, he bitches at her for erasing her memories (I told you it wouldn’t last). The usual. Meanwhile, Sarah discovers her paternity, and Trip takes Matt to come help with an interrogatoin of his latest vampire capture.
It’s Enzo, if you’ve forgotten.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll always say it again, but if you can just ignore everything that Elena says or does, this is a mostly unobjectionable episode. Kai is a fierce little queen, and there’s nothing more TVD than a slew of dead witches. Damon’s “worst evar thing I done did” is a bit passé, but his pain is real.
Think of Elena and Stefan as contrast. To make the actual plot and actual characters more satisfying.
Why I hate this episode:
Who gives a shit about Stefan’s cycle of denial and new identities? This is nothing we didn’t already know or couldn’t easily infer from a few lines of dialogue. But no, let’s waste precious minutes of screentime watching him show Elena just how pathetic his existence really is.
Not that she’s any better. Naturally, she lectures him about the cowardice of his new life system, and naturally, he bluntly exposes her mind wipe plan to her. To make things dumber, Elena goes to Alaric, who provides her with a journal pre-mind wipe Elena had left for her future self in the event she found out what she’d done. And she still chooses not to have her memories restored. Pussy.
Also, Ivy turns up to Stefan at the end of the episode, having become a vampire thanks to Enzo feeding her his blood before he killed her. Who the fuck cares? I was suprised when Ivy was in more than a single episode. Fuck off, bitch. You’re a nobody.
Speaking of nobodies, if there was one character that nobody’s thought of over the last four seasons, it’s uncle Zach Salvatore. Ooh, Sarah is his daughter, and so she is a Salvatore? Who gives a shit? She’s so barely related to Stefan and Damon that it’s irrelevant. And Damon fucking murdered Zach without looking back, and that was someone he knew a little bit. Ain’t nobody gonna give a damn about Sarah.
Killing a pregnant chick was really the worst thing Damon’s ever done? So Damon can mow through swaths of random innocents, but unborn babies are fucking taboo? Give me a break. For what it’s worth, I reckon his killing of Lexi for what amounted to very little gain is far more abominable. At least when Damon finds out the baby didn’t die, he can shut up about it.
Trip tells Matt that he knows about vampires because when he entered Mystic Falls recently, his memories came back of how his wife was killed by a vampire, and he was compelled to forget. So every resident who has come into Mystic Falls since the anti-magic zone went up has had their compulsion wear off? Good grief, that must be the whole town. Can we expect more vigilantes to arise?
I was excited about the idea of a unified human opposition to our main characters. But Trip turns out to unfortunately not be in league with Sarah (so he doesn’t have the intel about Elena and Caroline being vampires); Sarah goes from slick super spy to snivelling mess this episode; and Trip hasn’t even killed Enzo yet. Weak.
Why does Alaric bring Jeremy to the hospital for a hangover? Jeremy’s awake and coherent. Suck it up, sook.
Jeremy and Alaric play the Depression Olympics by trying to win points over in each other in the Who’s Had A Harder Life decathlon. Shut up.
Oh, and I don’t know who the random guy who attacked Stefan in the bar was. But I suspect that has something to do with me not paying enough attention.
But it’s not all bad:
Kai is turning out to be the new Katherine: spunky, unashamedly evil, interested only in self-preservation, a little bit lazy (he could leech all of Bonnie’s magic and escape by himself, but that would require effort. Duh), and cruel to Bonnie. Rock it, gurl.
I wasn’t surprised that he was evil, but I was pretty impressed that he murdered his entire family (and remorselessly, too). They called him an abomination for being a witch who stole magic, rather than produced it themself. So he’s basically Rogue from X-Men. Kai’s plan once he gets out of the ghost world is to exterminate the Gemini coven. I’m keen.
Although I’d forgotten he existed, it was cute to see old uncle Zach again. Who knew he had a daughter? He didn’t, because Sarah only survived through an emergency c-section on her mother’s dead body. I look forward to Sarah’s disappointment in discovering her dad is now dead, too.
Jeremy might be a whiny baby, but he has got a point about how he’s upset because nobody is considering his grief over Bonnie’s death to be serious. As much as I opposed it, I won’t deny that his relationship with Bonnie was long-term and meaningful. To them, at least.
The one shining moment of Elena and Stefan’s subplot is when he fake proposes to her in the bar they’re in. They both really ham it up, redneck/bogan style. It’s a rare moment when Elena and Stefan are having fun, and it’s nice.
Big April is forward and flirty with Alaric. I like that.
Kai makes Bonnie jump through some hoops to prove that she’s competent enough with her magic to do the spell to get them out of ghost world. Firstly, I appreciate anyone being mean to Bonnie. That’s just a given. And secondly, I like that he’s willing to be dick enough to mess with the only witch he’s found in twenty years. I respect Kai’s priorities.
Damon kills a pregnant chick. What a delightful brat he was.
Damon chats to a young Liz in the flashbacks. They were friendly even back then. Aww.
Matt might have finally found a reason to exist as he’s now the inside man on Trip’s vampire killing operation. I’ll bet it’s the first time Enzo’s ever been grateful to see Matt. Hell, it might be the first time anyone’s ever been grateful to see Matt.
Oh, and I’d like to thank The Vampire Diaries for catering to my Enzo bondage fantasies.