The Vampire Diaries Season 6 Episode 3 – TV Review

TVD Welcome to Paradise Elena Jeremy lake swimwear

I’ll take one order of Jeremy’s abs and Elena’s booty shorts.

Oh, now I remember why Jeremy is still on this show.

TL;DR Elena worries that all her friends are drifting apart; the community protection squad knows Elena and co are vampires; Bonnie and Damon meet a fellow denizen of their plane of existence; Enzo and Caroline seem to be gaining steam as a couple; until Stefan goes all Emily Thorne on Enzo.

Goddammit Stefan.

So yeah, if you thought Stefan’s plotline couldn’t get any stupider than him living with a boring chick and becoming a mechanic, now he’s on the revenge warpath to destroy Enzo for killing said disposable girlfriend. He corners Enzo at a near-Mystic Falls lake party that everyone goes to (at Elena’s invitation. Because she’s a party gurl, now), but Enzo saves Stefan from a vampire hunting ambush from Jay, a member of the community protection squad. Stefan isn’t great with the whole “gratitude” thing, as he later shoots a couple of non-lethal stakes into Enzo and hands him over to the homicidal Trip. Stefan is shit, is what I’m saying. Meanwhile, Elena mopes around the party because her friends aren’t as close as they used to be. I suppose she needs a new thing to be endlessly sad about now that she doesn’t remember her love for Damon anymore. Caroline gets sad because Stefan doesn’t care about her (“her” meaning Caroline. Not Elena. Because nobody cares about Elena), but there are more pressing issues when she and Elena realise the compulsion she used on Sarah would have faded after Sarah re-entered Mystic Falls. Which means Sarah knows that they’re vampires. And meanwhile in the eclipse Groundhog Day ghost plane, Bonnie and Damon encounter Kai, a violent little bugger who appears to have been trapped there since the mid-90s. He tries to kill Damon, which pushes Bonnie enough for her powers to come back.

Our Deus Ex Machina has returned.

So we’re continuing our brisk start to the season. It’s not as dramatic as the still-superior The Originals, but I’m glad for the moment that Elena isn’t stuck in her Damon/Stefan love triangle of eternal indecision.

And that’s a victory.


Why I hate this episode:

The reason she isn’t in love with Damon is because of her memory tampering thing, which the other characters are already having trouble keeping up appearances about. I guess if an emotional lobotomy is the only way to get Elena to shut up about him then I have to accept it. But I know it’s only a short matter of time before she reverts.

The reason she isn’t in love with Stefan is because Stefan’s a fucking loser psychopath snake. It’s like TVD doesn’t have anything for him to do right now, so they’ve saddled him with some unconvincing revenge scheme for his bland girlfriend that will be forgotten about entirely in the next few episodes. Whatever happened to vampires turning off their emotions? That would have been useful for Elena with the Damon thing. And Stefan should really get into that so he doesn’t go around jeopardising my Caroline/Enzo ship.

I should be happy that Stefan has squashed his ship with Caroline, what with all his “I didn’t come here for you” selfishness. And I am. But he didn’t have to be such a boob to Caroline. Rude.

Elena has a new love interest in fellow medical student Liam. He’s too skinny and angular, and is just begging to be offed. Next.

We also get another cookie cutter cute new boy in Jay, the vampire-hunting member of the community protection squad. I’m not at all surprised that he didn’t make it through the episode. Also, why would Trip send some shrimpy little boy along to stake some vampires all by himself? Outside of Mystic Falls? Jesus. Trip will make a good Big Bad, at least.

And a third cookie cutter cute new boy is Kai, Bonnie and Damon’s ghost world frenemy. Too many interchangeable new boys in one episode, TVD.

Stefan intends to return to his mechanic life after serving Enzo his revenge. Ugh.

Liv announces to Tyler that she’s falling for him in a bizarrely abrupt manner. Especially considering what a frosty bitch Liv usually is (which is why I like her). She kind of fight flirts with him a bit, and then blurts out that she riles him up because if he acts like a douchebag, she can put aside her affections. No, Liv. Don’t turn into Elena. And Tyler is no Damon.

Elena is finally on board for some binge drinking, and everyone else makes excuses. Pathetic!

Trip doesn’t know that Stefan is a vampire. He just thinks he’s a Salvatore descendant. Holy shit, man. Get up to speed.

Oh, and Matt laments the fact that he should have realised that a community protection squad composed of founding family members would know about vampires. Yeah, duh.


But it’s not all bad:

The new villains of the season are shaping up to be regular, albeit supernaturally knowledgable, humans. That’s a very welcome change of pace from the slew of hybrids, witches, original vampires, original doppelgangers, secret organistations, etc that have smothered most of TVD’s run. There’s only so much escalation we can believe before it gets too preposterous. And we reached that point, like, three seasons ago.

Trip’s ingnorace of Stefan not withstanding, the human opposition of our heroes appears to be well learned and well equipped. Trip’s been operating a multi-man vampire hunting clique right under Sheriff Liz’s nose, and they’ve got the anti-magic zone of Mystic Falls to rely on when things get hairy. Thanks to Sarah, they know (or will soon know) that at least Elena and Caroline are vampires, and Matt is complicit in their doings. And Trip now has Enzo, who I’ll presume will be interrogated before being processed for execution. So they’re off on the right foot.

The most exciting plot progression for the episode belongs to Bonnie and Damon’s predicament. Not only have they actually encountered somebody else, but Kai might be tied into why the ghost world is set in 1994. He’s an uppity little shit, but he’ll hopefully have some answers.

Bonnie’s got her magic back, so we can stop wangsting about that, too.

Best line of the episode goes to Kai, when Bonnie arrives to save Damon after Kai tries to kill him: “The useless one is here. Thank God.” Burn the witch, Kai.

Second best line goes to Damon, who threatens Kai before getting vervain bombed, but has some kind words for Bonnie: “You think my temper’s bad with her? I like her. You? Not so much.” You Bonnie/Damon shippers must be pleased.

Caroline gets the standout emotional scene of the episode when she confronts Stefan about his motives for coming to the lake party and hanging out with everyone. She pleads with him to say it was anything other than revenge, eventually beggging for him to admit even a tiny part was to come and see her. But he doesn’t. He just wanted his revenge, baby. Poor Caroline.

For her part, Elena seems cool enough with Caroline having feelings for Stefan. Caroline later implies that they’re over.

Caroline is also not sure about Enzo, as she’s horrified to find out he doesn’t care if he kills people when he feeds. Still, I’d take Enzo and his hot accent over mopey crybaby Stefan any day.

Luke tells Liv that he thinks Tyler is attractive. See, Ty? If you strike out with Liv, you’ve got her more willing twin ready to take her place.

Oh, and I reckon I’ll miss Damon and Bonnie’s bickering now that they have company. Do you think they had sex at all during those months?

TVD Bonnie Damon Welcome to Paradise scowl sunglasses grocery store Kai

One of Bonnie’s few consistent talents.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

10 responses to “The Vampire Diaries Season 6 Episode 3 – TV Review”

  1. Catherine Dream says :

    And there was me, just hoping Damon would continue cooking breakfast = doing what he’s good at.

    But no. Angst and company.

  2. Lydia says :

    I’m this close to quitting this show. The only thing that’s keeping me around is Enzo just barely filling the whole that Damon leaves. And it just isn’t enough, baby.

    If I do quit, I still plan on following your reviews though, because they are ten times more entertaining than the subject matter anyway.

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