The Vampire Diaries Season 6 Episode 1 – TV Review

TVD Elena Damon season 6 premiere herb

Griefer Madness.

Yes, while some choose to accept their grief, Elena decides to chop hers up in a bowl, instead.

Because the only thing missing from the Elena Cavalcade of Melodramatic Issues was “drug addict.”

Season 6: ticking the boxes.

TL;DR Elena uses hallucinogenic herbs to be comforted by visions of Damon; Caroline works to dispel the still-present anti-magic zone around Mystic Falls; Alaric has become a professor at Whitmore College, and is also still a super vampire; Stefan is off living in denial (apparently); Tyler wants to bang Liv; Damon and Bonnie still exist somewhere.

In near-wedded, shipper-pleasing bliss.

So the plot picks up several months following the revolving door of resurrection we experienced in last season’s finale. Everyone is doing a poor job of moving on from Bonnie and Damon’s disappearance into nothingness. Elena uses Luke’s feelings of guilt over interrupting the resurrection spell to hassle some psychotropic herbs out of him, which she uses to envision Damon. These also have the side-effect of making her bloodthirsty. Through the power of Caroline’s nagging, she tries to give it up. Meanwhile, Caroline has dropped out of college and is obsessed with finding a way to make Mystic Falls inhabitable by supernatural creatures again. Alaric is helping her research, in between his own appointment as an occult professor at Whitmore. Meanwhile, Tyler has taken up college and wants to get into Liv’s witchy pants. Meanwhile, Matt is enjoying the freedom of a vampire-free Mystic Falls, but Jeremy is slacking off. Meanwhile, Stefan is off somewhere, playing happy couple with some random chick and working a thankless job as a mechaninc. And the episode closes out with a mysterious scene of Bonnie and Damon living in a cabin or something, which I suppose is an afterlife thingy or whatever.

We couldn’t even go one episode without BonBon? Ugh.

Elena wangst aside, this episode does a respectable job of establishing how affected all of our characters are by Bonnie and Damon’s deaths (and in Alaric’s case, his belated resurrection). Elena, Caroline, and Stefan each represent a different, troubling method of handling the grief.

And even though I will eternally revile Bonnie, and I still don’t buy that Damon was Elena’s great love (because it’s obviously supposed to be Stefan), I’ll allow them a little time to sook over it.

But those bitches better pick up some sort of plot coupon soon. My mercy has its limits.


Why I hate this episode:

Still, it is my duty as a certified Elena basher to bash Elena. Certifiedly. What a pathetic little princess. Stefan may also be running from his grief, but he’s doing it in a more “what’s done is done” kind of way. Elena is just stuck in the past like the simpering brat she is. At least Caroline’s obsession with retaking Mystic Falls is productive (if harmful to her own sanity). Elena’s just living in denial. And hurting innocent people along the Mystic Falls border in her blood frenzies. Get over yourself.

By contrast, Tyler is hilariously indifferent to anything going on around him that doesn’t involve Liv’s lady parts. But again, I’m also a certified Tyler basher, so instead of praising his callousness, I will criticise his flippance to the death of Bonnie (I know he probably didn’t care about Damon, but he was friends with Bonnie, right?).

Tyler also dons his White Knight cap when he attacks Luke for supplying Elena with the hallucino-herbs (ignorant of the fact that Elena will fucking kill Luke if he doesn’t). Unless your scrap is leading into some UST (and, sadly, it isn’t), I don’t care.

Matt’s subplot is bizarre. He’s joined the “community protection squad,” which appears to be some sort of neighbourhood watch/police deputy hybrid. Are they officially sanctioned by the sheriff’s department? If not, then what’s the point of physical training and all that? And, as Jeremy points out, with no supernatural creatures able to enter town, again, what’s the point? The point, it would seem, is to try to give Matt a reason to still exist. Gosh. Just make him Luke’s love interest and be done with it.

Elena has simply decided that her major is “become a doctor.” Oh, honey. No.

The woman who does the teaching at the hospital, and who is Alaric’s new love interest, looks exactly like an aged-up April Young. It’s incredibly distracting.

Elena drives while high. Rude.

Oh, and to really drive home the Elena wangst, Elena asks Alaric at the end of the episode to use his super vampire status (he was created by the original witch, so therefore is able to do this) to compel away her memories of loving Damon. Why can’t she just drink those woes away like the rest of us?


But it’s not all bad:

I relish Elena’s anguish.

Caroline is the most proactive of the lot (like that’s even a surprise), despite her own grief over Bonnie’s death, and Stefan’s abandoment and radio silence. Is there anything Caroline can’t do? By which I mean I excpect her to figure out this whole anti-magic thing and save the day.

Stefan was supposed to be out looking for witches that might be able to undo the anti-magic zone (why he didn’t just go straight to Davina, I’ll never know), but appears to have simply shacked up with some chick to weather the grief storm. I don’t buy it. There’s no way Stefan would give up on trying to resurrect Damon/fix Mystic Falls. Not because he loves his brother or his home town, but because these are things that would make Elena happy. And Stefan would never not do whatever he possibly could to please Mistress Elena, Lady of the Cuckold.

Elena attacks a young woman while on her latest high, and the girl manages to make it into Mystic Falls before Elena can catch and compel her. The girl runs into the community protection squad, so Matt quickly whisks her away, along with Liz, to go get compelled by Caroline. Before Liz and Matt can get her going, though, another member of the protection squad kind of hassles Liz. Does he know what’s up?

Tyler and Liv are both nasty little bitches, so I can see their impending hook-up being a lot of fun. Liv gets best line of the episode when she comes across Tyler doing chin-ups (and she’s also pissed off about him roughing up her brother): “Could you be any more of a douchebag cliche?” Nah, that’s about as douchebaggy as you can get.

In an interesting development, Tyler has reverted to pre-werewolf curse mode. Meaning that he needs to kill someone to activate the curse again. So no “I don’t like turning” whining for now, then. The downside is that he’s all angry and shit and itching to get in trouble. So it’s only a matter of time.

Tyler also misses having the perks of being a hybrid, like strength and compulsion. I lol’d.

Alaric mentions that Meredith is married to a paediatrician in Alaska. Aww.

Bonnie and Damon are still around somewhere, so at least that question’s been answered.

Oh, and I know there’s nothing going on between Luke and Tyler. But I can dream. Also, he is Liv’s twin, so that’s gotta count for something, right?

TVD Tyler Luke ship choke

A little bit of roughness worked for Barbie and Hunter.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

8 responses to “The Vampire Diaries Season 6 Episode 1 – TV Review”

  1. Lydia says :

    “What a pathetic little princess.” I couldn’t describe her any better. My God, Elena. I just want to bitchslap her every time she’s on screen.

    Remember in season one, when she said she didn’t need a man in her life? Yeah, it’s becoming more and more difficult to keep that in mind.

    And, holy shit. Elena wants to become a doctor?! That is HILARIOUS! I’m currently studying to be an MOA, and that’s hard enough! Considering she like, never goes to class and never does any school work, I’m afraid it just isn’t going to happen.

    And seriously. Stefan lost his BROTHER. His only remaining blood, and she even dares to act like it’s all about her? What a bitch. What makes it even worse is that no one treats her as such though, because like you said, she’s a pathetic little princess.

    Ugh. There. My Elena rant is over for the day.

    Glad to have your reviews back! The only reason I’ve been waiting for the show to return, was so that these would return as well.

    • ijusthateeverything says :

      I love how everyone kind of just laughed off the fact that it’s sophomore year, yet they went to, like, one actual class the whole of last season.

      This is even more preposterous than Serena Van Der Woodsen getting accepted into an Ivy League school. At least Serena could buy her way in.

  2. Catherine Dream says :

    I can’t even.

    Reading your reviews of this certified kook show is what I DO instead of suffering through said show.

    Better entertainment.

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: