Revenge Season 4 Episode 1 – TV Review

Revenge Emily Renaissance

“Except carbs.”

Season 3 is going to be a lot to live up to.

But after seeing the kind of resurrection Revenge is capable of after the disaster that was season 2, I’m willing to believe in miracles.

Not sure how I feel about Victoria being the one doing the revenge-ing, though.

TL;DR Is Victoria seriously going to be getting revenge on Emily? That’s stupid. Emily is also having trouble living life now that her enemies are defeated; Daniel and Margaux form an alliance against Gideon; Jack is also not a fan of Gideon (because he’s banging and supplying cocaine to Charlotte); David is on the prowl in the Hamptons.

He’s already stabbed one Grayson. Would it be too much to ask he put Victoria to bed, too?

So we’re picking up six months after last season’s finale, and Emily’s victory over the Graysons is yet to be challenged. Thus, she’s getting those revenge cravings, which leads to her putting together some arbitrary scheme to fuck over some yuppie couple who covered up the manslaughter of some dude. The dude’s fiancé isn’t comforted by the turn of events like Emily expected, and Nolan is alarmed by Emily’s addiction to revenge. Meanwhile, Margaux (I’ll spell it correctly from now on. You win) is riding high on the success of her company, but finds out that Daniel’s resignation is due to Gideon dumping a dead hooker in his bed. Margaux teams up with a now-destitute Daniel to take Gideon down or something. Which is exactly what Gideon needs, because he’s a hooker-murdering, cocaine-snorting, Charlotte-fucking mess. Jack, who is now a police officer, is on his case, too. And Victoria uses her wits and some betrayal to sneak her way out of the psychiatric hospital. She makes a defiant challenge to Emily at Grayson Manor, and is promptly attacked and chloroform’d by a skulking David.

And Charlotte is still bitter about Jack “kidnapping” her, and is willing to steal children to make herself heard about it. Because the one constant of Revenge is how shit Charlotte is.

So it’s a promising but restrained start to the season. Victoria’s jailbreak is supposed to look all cool and vampy, but is actually just a bit silly.

Likewise, Emily’s scheme against Yuppie One and Yuppie Two is inconsequential. Not a touch on the fury she would direct at the Graysons.

At least Daniel is unhappy and poor. It’ll do for now.


Why I hate this episode:

Is Victoria really going to take revenge on Emily? Because I’m not sure anyone (not even me, and I’m a horrible bitch) is going to root for some rich botox face who’s mad that she was given a hefty comeuppance for her lifetime of heinous selfishness.

Victoria’s whole shebang at the psychiatric hospital is stupid. First, she’s friends with Yeardley Smith for some reason. Yeardley is a crazed maniac who helps Victoria access a phone (which she uses to call home, not knowing Emily will pick up). Later, Victoria’s grand plan to escape is to use the enormous suitcase a new patient brought with her to hide Yeardley in, have the orderlies confiscate the suitcase to a room where Yeardley can set off a fire alarm, and take advantage of the fire alarm opening all the doors to make her dash to freedom. Firstly, the orderlies would have noticed the suitcase had a human inside it. Actually, no. Firstly, why was Louise (the new patient) allowed the suitcase into her room in the first place if the staff would just confiscate it later for no reason? Then, of course, is the ridiculously convenient fire alarm system. And Victoria bars a big, burly orderly from pinching her back by bracing a door with a flimsy umbrella. When did Revenge hire cartoon writers? Hell, I don’t think even PLL would do something this retarded.

Emily’s revenge addiction is a good thing, but the way its shown is rather dull. She just pulls some arbitrary scheming on the Yuppies while trying to get some semblance of justice for Nancy, the woman whose fiancé died (Male Yuppie accidentally killed him in a yacht mishap, which was covered up). Nancy’s kind of a flake when she’s all like “holding onto hate won’t bring back the people you love.” Bitch, you’re the one who went ape over a fender bender earlier. Let your hate flag fly.

Charlotte has never been relevant to anything or anyone in this whole goddamn show. She’s just a perpetual wet blanket for everything. Now she’s all coked out and sleeping with Gideon. I might even be okay with that. But her little prank of kidnapping Carl to get back at Jack is fucking madness. I’m sick of her whingeing. Just kill her off. Nobody will miss her.

Emily claims the only reason she’s staying in the Hamptons is because of Charlotte, so I suppose that explains why she’s still around. But Jesus Christ. And Emily deserves to have better motivation than that.

Nolan has crap new hair.

Margaux has crap new hair.

Jack is a cop now for some reason. He’s obviously just copying Toby from PLL. Also, what?

Oh, and Gideon is still gross.


But it’s not all bad:

Emily is on top, baby. I fully expect her fortunes to be reversed shortly so that she can once again fight the injustice of Grayson oppression, but I’m glad that she gets to enjoy the fruits of a successful rampage of revenge. For now.

And for all Victoria’s huff and puff, it was immensely satisfying to watch her try to take her victory walk strut away from the Grayson Manor door, only to be accosted and chlorofom’d by an erratic David. Burn, bitch.

Even lukewarm, tangential Emily scheming is better than no Emily scheming. She brings the Yuppies apart by secretly changing the name of their new yacht from Female Yuppie’s name (what it was supposed to be) to Male Yuppie’s mistress’ name. Female Yuppie goes nuclear at the public unveiling, revealing both Male Yuppie’s affair, and the manslaughter coverup. She also apologises to Nancy, which is quite nice, you know.

Emily lures Nancy to the party by purposely backing Nolan’s car into Nancy’s. Prior to the “accident,” Nolan and Emily were getting ready to go cruising in a convertible, post-shopping, while listening to Iggy Azalea’s Fancy. It doesn’t get anymore fabtacular than that, does it?

Daniel is quickly running out of cash, so he’s selling stuff to keep up his carefree playboy appearance. Bonus points for Charlotte extorting money out of him to supposedly pay for rent.

Margaux’s alliance with Daniel against Gideon might be a turn around in fortunes for Daniel, which is bad. But Gideon is a digusting man baby, which is worse. So long as Margaux and Daniel don’t get implausibly romantic, I say go for it, you two. Take down that greasy, hooker murderer.

Nolan is the one who fosters the Daniel/Margaux alliance. Margaux is still kinda bitter at Daniel for abruptly quitting her company. Nolan gives her a tidbit of info on why he might have, which is what Margaux uses to get Daniel to spill the beans. Gideon doesn’t have a chance if Margaux, Daniel, and Nolan are out to get him. And let’s not forget about Jack.

Jack being a cop may be bizarre, but his partner looks good with his shirt off, so I’ll allow it. Jack and his partner almost arrest Charlotte for cocaine use, too. I lol’d.

Best line of the episode goes to Emily during Victoria’s unlucky phone call home. Victoria tries to beg for an end to the drama, but when Emily refuses, Viccy gets all stroppy and again tries to call out Emily for killing Pascal. But Emily knows the truth: “For the record, Conrad slaughtered Pascal, not me.” I’m sick of people misattributing murders. Give Conrad the kudos he deserves.

Daniel and Charlotte are under the impression that Victoria is on some globetrotting holiday. I lol’d.

Oh, and Nolan rides the lounge he bought Emily into the party, carrried by sailors. It’s divine.

Revenge Nolan lounge sailors throne

Why can’t every week be Fleet Week?

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

3 responses to “Revenge Season 4 Episode 1 – TV Review”

  1. Anonymous says :

    wheres conrad?

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