Under the Dome Season 2 Episode 12 – TV Review

Under the Dome Hunter Barbie gun hostage

The only thing less original than that wordplay is this show.

And no, this won’t be the last time (or the first) we see Barbie getting touchy-feely with the super cute Hunter.

Under the Dome may not be exciting, compelling, or make a lick of sense. But at least they’re tossing us so homoerotic subtext.

God bless.

TL;DR I ship Barbie and Hunter; the dome closes in fitfully and inconveniently; everyone does what they can to save the town and an ailing Melanie; which ends up with Melanie sucked into oblivion, Bad Dad overthrown by his even badder boss (I think?), and the long-overdue death of Pauline.

God bless.

So the dome is still closing in (horribly inconsistently, I will add), and everyone scrambles to stop the dome/evacuate the townsfolk/treat Melanie’s illness. Joe and Norrie rat out Hunter to Barbie, who uses him to get in touch with Bad Dad (hereby name upgraded to Don). Barbie reveals to Don that Melanie is alive inside the dome and pressures him to return the egg to the dome via the red door. Don agrees, but is turned on later by the MIB. Meanwhile, Big Jim is like “I don’t wanna be responsible for the town being crushed into a singularity,” (he’s the one who sent the egg away, remember?) and encourages Pauline to have a Deus Ex Machina vision to save the day. She does, and both generations of the Hands, plus other central cast members, converge at the crater site to save Melanie (Melanie stands in for Angie’s hand as well as her own or something. Who even cares at this point?). Melanie is cured, but is then sucked into a CGI hole in the ground. Lyle then stabs Pauline as Big Jim is kissing her. Unsurprisingly, Big Jim then stabs Lyle. Meanwhile, Rebecca spends most of the episode whining about how Melanie’s existence (she only learns about her this episode) goes against all of her scientific beliefs. And Julia has a spat at the dome, which achieves nothing.

Actually, it does accelerate the shrinking process. Keep up the good work, J.

Right now, I just don’t even find any suspense in this show anymore. Every new development is just some ass-pulled bullshit involving any number of the dome’s apparent powers. And everything is further explained away by Pauline’s convenient visions and premonitions. None of it has any impact because it’s only brought up on the spot, resolved on the spot, and then has no lasting effect on anything or anyone.

And the one thing about the show that actually was compelling, the shrinking, is dealt with so superficially and so stupidly.

 

Why I hate this episode:

So everyone is freaking out about the dome shrinking, right? And you would be. As Rebecca neatly asserts, everything inside the boundary of the dome will be getting squashed together. Which is bad. Joe’s Asian friend, who reappears this episode, even tells Norrie that he saw a man get crushed inside his car by the encroaching dome. But no, this is Under the Dome. Nothing works properly. Because several times later in the episode, a long time following whenever this supposed car crushing occurred, we see that the dome wall has only crept in a couple of metres. Tops. Mr Crushed-In-A-Car must have been driving retardedly close to the dome wall for that to happen. Dumb.

And it’s a bloody dome, too. It’s not like they can say “Oh, but this one part of the dome wall shrunk faster than the rest.” No.

Didn’t we already deal with the whole science vs religion thing back in the episode where Lyle kidnapped Rebecca? Move on, honey.

Pauline: “My visions are gone. Boo hoo.” Big Jim: “But please, though.” Pauline: “Oh, hey, they’re back.” Much permanence. So consequences.

The MIB have just been keeping a gang of goons surrounding the egg in the Zenith park this whole time. Has nobody walked by and seen a glowing pink egg of doom and alerted the media?

The dome is a jerk. It’s sentient and reasonable enough to take Don at his word that he’ll return the egg to it (which is why it allows him to pick it up), but chucks a shitfit when Julia has a heart-to-heart with it. Make up your fucking mind, bitch.

I understand it’s my fault for not paying enough attention to continuity, but I found it absolutely hilarious that Big Jim and Rebecca didn’t know about Melanie. It was bizarre. Bonus demerits for them both being like “Oh, cool” when she is explained to them. I suppose living in a climate of constant, random garbage tricks by the dome must desensitise one to this kind of thing.

A pointless minute or so is spent on Rebecca and Sam finding lima beans so they can test Melanie’s blood type for a transfusion. What?

Julia offers herself as a sacrifice to the dome to save everyone else (luckily, the dome refuses). Abolish martyrdom.

Pauline’s not a great painter, is she?

Oh, and while I greatly applaud her death, Pauline’s death scene is ridiculously crap. Big Jim seriously doesn’t notice anything is wrong with her until blood is pouring out of her mouth from the stab wound? He didn’t hear Lyle creep up? Pauline didn’t flinch when she got motherfucking stabbed? Not a single sound or breath alerted Big Jim? Good grief.

 

But it’s not all bad:

Praise be to the dome, Pauline is dead. I always knew the dome was going to protect us. From her dullness and unimpressive art skills.

Likewise, I’m happy to take Melanie’s descent into the earth as a bad thing. I fully expect it to turn out to be something whimsical and part of the dome’s plan, but for now, I choose to believe she’s been sucked into the depths of hell. It’ll help me sleep tonight.

Joe’s silly little vlog scheme turns out to be useful. To convince Don that his daughter is indeed alive inside the dome, Joe shows him a video of her and him together. Thanks, Under the Dome. Now I won’t feel so self-conscious about carrying an obnoxious tablet computer everywhere. It could save a town someday.

Lyle kills Pauline because a drawing in her journal looks to him to be a depiction of he and Pauline entering heaven together. For once, that journal has precipitated something good.

Of course, to complete the supposed prophecy, Lyle then offers Big Jim the knife so that he can be killed. And Big Jim is very obliging.

Don’s “oh shit” moment when the MIB turn on him is well-deserved. I wonder who their bigger boss is?

Julia’s house is (I assume?) crushed by the shrinking dome. I lol’d.

Oh, and that homoeroticism between Barbie and Hunter can’t be accidental, right? During the negotiation with Don, Barbie pulls Hunter back from the encroaching dome by putting his full palm on Hunter’s pecs. And then we have, well, this:

Under the Dome Barbie Hunter ship gay

“Gentle caressing counts as ‘admiring,’ right?”

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

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