Pretty Little Liars Season 5 Episode 10 – TV Review
Pun fans beware, there are no dark alleys vital to this episode.
There’s a dank basement. That’s close, right?
TL;DR The fake confessor turns out to be part of Alison’s plan all along; the Liars all decide to abandon Alison; Mona doesn’t appear to be as omniscient as we thought (or is she!?); Roma can’t do anything right.
It’s the cross all Rosewood law enforcement officials have to bear.
So here’s the Liar breakdown:
Spencer takes over pole position from Hanna at long last. While trying to hide the packet of photos she stole from Noel last episode, she discovers that the “let’s listen to this to keep our stories straight” recording that Alison made is missing. She catches Melissa on the surveillance camera handing it over to someone. Ooh. Upon confrontation, Melissa seems scared of whatever’s going on, and we later see her about to record a video confession for Spencer. Spencer also leads the charge on dumping Alison and her bullshit story.
Aria is still mopping up Ella’s tears after the collapse of her engagement to Zack. Aria wastes some time away on Ezra (who is back. Woo. Hoo.), and is overall not important to the episode.
Hanna and Caleb decide to clean up their lives. She ends up spending some time with Mona, who has been surveilling the police station to figure out wassup with Cyrus (the confessor). No conclusions are reached, but Mona seems less in control than I’d taken her for. Hanna is also more than happy to fuck Alison off.
Emily, conversely, leads the charge to give Alison the benefit of the doubt. Alison spins some sob story about how she had lived in an abandoned basement with Cyrus for a while, and he’s the one who gave her the inner thigh scar when he robbed her one night. Emily initially falls for it (going so far as to suggest buring the Noel packet), but after Alison goes against all the Liars’ wishes and confirms to Roma that Cyrus is her “kidnapper,” Emily goes from 0 to Sammi from Jersey Shore levels of “done.”
And Alison makes appearances to be struggling with identifying or not identifying Cyrus as her kidnapper to keep her story spinning. She cheats everyone else by delaying the ID until the last second, causing Cyrus to be released before Roma can call in the positive ID. Alison then meets Cyrus in the woods, confirming that she forced him into doing it because she has some hold over him.
Again, this is a teenage girl, right?
Well, I think we might need to mark this episode down in the history books: the Liars (more or less) unanimously agree that going to the police and telling the truth is the better option, versus continuing to lie.
I mean, obviously that won’t stick. The show has “Liars” in the title.
But good on them for getting their act together, even for a flickering moment.
Why I hate this episode:
Which means Aria is back to being a fucking loser. So she runs to Ezra to offload all her drama about Alison’s big decision. Then when he offers to say or do something to help, she is like “Nuuu babby, I can’t let you doooo thatt. It’s two dangerous!!!!” Then why did you go tell him in the first place? Selfish.
Of course, Ezra approaches Alison and has a go at her, anwyay. And of course, Aria turns it into a mini fight between Ezra and herself. This is the kind of world that Ezra’s presence creates.
Alison puts on her mopey face when Emily gives her the “I’m done” speech. You know what, Alison? I’m done with you, too. If you’re going to be a sneaky, friend-dismissing bitch, then fucking own it. I miss the Alison we used to get in flashbacks. All one-liners and smarm. This Alison in-the-flesh schtick is trash.
Also, the Liars choose Emily to be the one to dissuade Alison from identifying Cyrus. Yes, Emily. The one who would be the most easily swayed by Alison’s charms (and it’s further insult when Alison doesn’t even use her womanly wiles to convince her. Disappointing).
Melissa is all like “Omg Spencer, things are so unsafe here in Rosewood that I’m seriously offering you to go live in a different country with me. But evidently not dangerous enough for me to tell you why. Isn’t that weird?” Yes, it is weird, cunt. Just spill already. Near the end of this episode, Melissa begins recording her video confessional. God damn, that better not get intercepted by A.
Oh, and Aria and Ella have some girl talk about how Aria isn’t sure if she wants to be with Ezra again. Fuck. It’s season 5. How is this still a thing? Get a new love interest, bitch. Jesus.
But it’s not all bad:
Save for her stoushes with Emily, it’s nice to see Alison back in the Bitch Boss lane. The entire drama of this episode, the identification dilemma, turns out to be all because of her. And her delightfully selfish and crazy plan to validate her kidnapping story.
The exchange between Cyrus and Alison at the end of the episode implies they were partners in crime or something (and he’s certainly scared enough of what she could do to him, so whatever they did together must be significant). And in Alison’s flashbacks of the “robbery,” there is also another girl who joins Cyrus, though Alison doesn’t mention her out loud to anyone in the present. I want to know.
Hanna and Caleb have cleaned up their act. Literally: Caleb has shaved off his gross attempt at facial hair. And they even go jogging together. Cute.
Aria is the only Liar left to decide to fuck Alison off. While I’d say that the other Liars’ peer pressure should win out, it’s also possible that Aria will resist outing Alison’s story as false. Because that would lead Roma back to Shana’s death. Damn, Aria. You kill one psychotic bitch in your ex/current boyfriend’s family theatre, and it haunts you forever. The poor girl can’t catch a break.
The best line of the episode comes from Aria, who has a stunning moment of self-awareness when arguing with Spencer over whether Roma would believe their claim of Shana’s death being in self defence:
Spencer: “That’s the truth.”
Aria: “But the truth doesn’t amount to much when it’s coming from a bunch of liars.”
That’s what 4-and-a-bit seasons of idiocy will reward you with, girls.
Hanna is compelled to follow up on Mona after seeing a photo of Cyrus’ mugshot in Mona’s bag, because Mona had fainted at chorus auditions. It’s implied that Mona faked her fainting and subtly edged Hanna towards looking into her bag, presumably so she and Hanna could get the alone time they spend together later. The Liars could probably use some support from Mona and her Hit Squad if they do indeed agree to oppose Alison. And I’d like to believe that Mona misses having Hanna as a friend. They were a powerful duo.
Hanna has a jibe at Mona for dating Mike. I lol’d.
Emily’s verbal smackdown to Alison is unendingly satisfying. She is sick of everyone paying the price for Alison’s lies and bullshit. Good. So is the audience.
It’s believed that the mystery man Melissa is caught handing the recording over to is Cyrus (which would have explained how he knew every detail of the kidnap story). But considering Alison turns out to be the one who arranged his confession, Melissa’s contact must be somebody else. I’ll bet on Wren. He hasn’t popped up for a while.
Melissa implies to Spencer that A has something dire in store for Alison. Go on, then.
That confessional video better be incredible. Or, at the least, I hope A stabs Melissa to death or something while she’s filming it, and sends it to the girls. That’d be adorable.
Oh, and I kind of wish I was still doing Fashionistard, because Hanna in her jogging gear looks more like a real person than she has in ages.