Pretty Little Liars Season 5 Episode 5 – TV Review

PLL Aria Ezra sex back naked

Aria: putting the “sex with your teacher” in “family.”

Any doubts as to the physical nature of Aria and Ezra’s relationship are now put to bed.

Literally.

TL;DR Jenna comes back to town, so Aria continues to sook about killing Shana; Veronica decides to leave Peter (due to him probably being a murderer); Alison’s reintegration into school hits a snag thanks to Mona; Caleb’s back; the identity of the girl in Alison’s grave is revealed.

And Jenna might have been exploded. But she’s used to that kind of thing.

Plot line round-up:

Jenna comes back to town, so Aria decides to self-flagellate and grovel to her. It goes surprisingly well. She also continues to unload all her shit on Ezra, which leads to sex.

Spencer gets pulled out of school by Veronica, who has decided to leave Peter. Her private investigator has revealed that Peter and Melissa’s alibi for the night of Jessica’s murder is a lie, so Veronica is like “Whoa.” Spencer also fills in Toby with everything Shana related.

Hanna has some flirtation with Travis. She then has some drunken flirtation with Lucas. And she runs into a returned Caleb, who somehow upped the toolbag level with a new haircut and chin fluff.

Emily tries to help Paige mend bridges with Alison. She then hooks up with Alison during a sleepover. This is soured when Mona outs Alison for still being a huge bitch.

Which she kind of is, because Mona torments Alison into saying huge, bitchy things (including a bitch slap), and records them for all the school to see. That falls by the wayside when the Rosewood police announce the identity of grave girl: some random Radley patient. And then Jenna’s house blows up.

What is this, Wisteria Lane?

Oh, and for all practical purposes, A is back.

That didn’t take long.

 

Why I hate this episode:

We don’t get absolute confirmation, but after Jenna’s house blows up, all the girls get simultaneous texts (which we don’t see), and then there’s a classic A stinger to close out the episode. And I don’t imagine Mona’s hit squad has “explode half a street” on their Alison to-do list. Well, it was nice while it lasted, wasn’t it?

Speaking of Mona, I’m kind of over her hit squad, anyway. She’s a brat. And in denial about how her stint as A was far more heinous than anything Alison did as Rosewood’s Alpha Bitch. Shut up and move on.

She also hasn’t got proof of anything that happened in New York. Weak.

Paige is cruelly unforgiving to Alison, who appears to make a sincere apology to her. Again, as far as everyone except the inner circle knows, Alison was kidnapped for 2 fucking years. But Paige is like “You were, like, soooo mean to me when we were all 13 or whatever. So not cool with treating you in a civil manner. GTFO.” Is Emily the only strong lesbian in this town?

Emily falls for Alison’s obviously bullshit sexual advances. Open your eyes, Emily. Instead of your legs.

Aria is willing to become a friend to goddamn Jenna because she’s still guilty over killing Shana. To her credit, Jenna does a good job of playing the grieving lover, but come on. This is “forcing sex with her stepbrother” Jenna. There’s no reason to believe anything about her.

Ezra is being pretty stoic in putting up with all the one-sidedness of Aria’s sook sessions. Maybe sex was his angle all along?

Hanna getting “drunk” is just her acting a bit stumbly. For a girl who’s been in Spring Breakers, I expect something a bit more believable in the drunk acting department, please.

Veronica’s response to “my husband and elder daughter likely killed my neighbour” is to go to a hotel for the night. Instead of, oh, maybe the police? You’re a lawyer, Veronica. Have you no commitment to the law?

We never actually see Lucas’ girlfriend. I suspect this is because, as Hanna jokes, she isn’t real. Also, how does Lucas have enough friends to have a party?

Spencer seems more cut up about being the daughter of divorced parents than she is about the fact her dad and sister are probably murderers. Good priorities.

One of the preppy kids who Caleb seems to know at the cafe is named Biff. No. Just no.

Oh, and the explosion is really taking things too far. We were already pushing it with the car that ran into Emily’s house, but an explosion that takes out a house and several cars? Come on. These are high school girls. This is ridiculous.

 

But it’s not all bad:

If Jenna’s dead, then I can stop trying to pretend that Tammin Sursok isn’t fucking 30 years old. And then all we have to do is kill off Shana’s grandmother, and Aria will have nobody to feel guilty to. Wouldn’t it be nice?

The biggest slice of progress comes when Sydney is revealed to be an accomplice of Jenna’s, and working as a secret agent for Mona. They meet up to discuss plans, and are joined by another co-conspirator, who we unfortunately don’t get to see. Sadly, with Alison now in Emily’s pants, I’m feeling it’s becoming less likely that Sydney will try any sexual espionage. What a waste.

Until getting bent out of shape by Mona, Alison does an alright job of laying her beefs to rest at school. She legitimately seems to be trying to turn things around. Luckily for Mona, all it takes is a little light stalking and harassment for Alison to snap back to her old, intimidating ways.

Alison makes the double boo-boo of omitting her return slap of Mona when debriefing with the Liars. When Mona spreads her shit, including video evidence, the Liars are rightfully pissed off. Even Emily takes a stand. It must feel good to try something different, Em.

Hanna’s drunknenness may be lame, but at least one of these girls is trying to party. She has a hangover the next day. I lol’d.

Seeing the entire gang in one room together for the press conference was pretty neat.

Veronica may not be going to the police, but I’ll give her points for taking drastic action against Peter. She didn’t actually stay at the spa he took her to: she worked with a PI, and they found out that he and Melissa don’t have an alibi for the night of Jessica’s murder. She now thinks they did it together, and she’s furious that he would involve one of their children in something so horrible. So she’s determined to save Spencer and leg it. Now that’s good parenting.

Emily and Alison hooking up was a long time coming. And hot enough.

The tit-for-tat bitch slaps between Mona and Alison were also a long time coming. And also hot enough.

Mona edits out her slap of Alison, which came first, to bias the video she passes around. That’s smooth.

There are quite a few jokes at the expense of Jenna’s blindness, but this pure callousness from Emily is worthy of best line of the episode. She’s not pleased about Jenna’s return to Rosewood from NYC, and is indifferent to her grief: “If she’s sad, she can cry in New York.” Emily is usually the leader of the Delicate Flower Squad, so I’m a little bit impressed.

I gasped a tiny bit when Veronica announced her intention to leave Peter. I thought those two could get through anything, you know?

Grave girl is a 17 year-old named Bethany Young. She escaped from Radley on the night of Alison’s disappearance.

Another tidbit, that the gang notices, is that the police refer to Alison’s kidnapping as “alleged” when mentioning it during the press conference. #notbuyingit

Hanna is proud of Lucas for supposedly having sex with his totally-reall-and-not-made-up girlfriend.

Oh, and I suppose Caleb is worth having around if he keeps his tragic little face fuzz. It’ll give me something to giggle at.

PLL Hanna Caleb drinking

Party on, Hanna.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

8 responses to “Pretty Little Liars Season 5 Episode 5 – TV Review”

  1. Anonymous says :

    I really want to read this but i’m not bothered to keep up with Pretty Little Liars anymore :(.

  2. Anonymous says :

    Ha! You are amazing!

  3. PrettyLittleRedCoat says :

    Well, I see you’re still being a cunt.

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