Pretty Little Liars Season 5 Episode 2 – TV Review

PLL Aria in bed

I would have gone with “You’re a teacher-fucking murderess.”

Well, I might be getting my wish after all:

A is still absent, and it’s Mona’s hit squad all the way.

Now all we need is to #BanTheHoodie.

TL;DR Alison comes home; Jason is sketchy; Papa D is concerned; Jessica is dead; Mona makes it clear she intends to fuck with Alison; Aria sulks about being a killer; my “Lol, what?” to Melissa’s coming home story is justified; Alison draws the girls into building an enormous lie to explain where she’s been the last 2 years.

Classic Alison.

Alright, it’s time for a plot line party:

Alison comes home to a relieved Papa D and an ominous, nervous Jason. She lies to Holbrook that she was kidnapped and held prisoner for the last 2 years. She tells the Liars that she lied to protect Aria from murder charges, as Alison had just received a “I know what you did in New York” text from someone. Mona later claims to Alison that the text was from her, and shit’s just getting started. Then everyone finds Jessica’s dead body in a hole. Bummer.

Aria wastes a lot of screen time feeling guilty over killing Shana. She goes nuts when she thinks someone/A is tormenting her about it, and also isn’t too pleased that the other girls are walking on eggshells around her. Emily tries to calm her the fuck down.

Hanna snoops into Jessica’s emails (Papa D asked Ashley to look at them to see if they’ll show where Jessica is). She finds something vague about protecting someone. She and Emily combine that with Jason’s erratic behaviour to form the theory that Jason was the one who whalloped Alison on the night she disappeared, and he and Jessica have been trying to keep it quiet ever since. They tail him to a dingy apartment complex, but get nothing.

Emily sleuths around and nabs clues on Jason (he had also been in New York the night the girls were).

And Spencer has sex with Toby, who is back from London. He tells Spencer and Veronica that he didn’t see Melissa in London (contradicting Melissa’s claim that she returned to Rosewood because Toby advised her to), and that he actually saw Wren at Melissa’s London pad. Along with Emily and Hanna, Spencer believes the Jason/Jessica conspiracy. Until Jessica turns up dead.

And Mona and Mike kinda get back together. Whatever that’s worth.

Honestly, I’m just really impressed that my hope for an A-free run is actually coming true. Mona even delivers exactly what I wanted when she confronts Alison at her “grave,” proudly declaring that she isn’t going to hide anymore, and it’s Alison’s turn to cop shit, bitch.

Visible villains is a nice change of pace.


Why I hate this episode:

I do miss those end-of-episode A stingers, though. This is the second episode in a row without one. I suspect that’s because there currently is no in-focus A suspect. I’ll hold hope for their return once A comes to play again.

Oh, Aria. Do I even have to say? Instead, I’ll just point out her stunning lack of empathy (or memory?) when having her enormous whinge to Emily about having killed someone. Emily has been there and done that, you self-centred brat. Jesus.

Alison’s lie about being kidnapped was some epic, eye-rolling bullshit. She later pulls out a line from her Alison playbook and claims that she did it because she saw the ominous text about New York, and was worried about Aria getting in trouble. For fuck’s sake girls, it’s time to come clean. Although, knowing PLL, whoever they talk to will probably be corrupt or A or whatever. These poor teen girls just can’t catch a break, can they? I mean, 2 of them have fucking killed people. Good grief.

Spencer expresses to Emily how pissed off she is that, just like the old days, all the Liars are under the thumb of Alison’s lies. Emily defends Alison. Emily, calm your flaps and get some perspective. Fuck.

A random dog gets shoe-horned into the episode for the sole purpose of “uncovering” Jessica’s body. And by “uncovering,” I mean “barking at the already above-the-dirt, decomposing hand poking out of the ground.” Really? You needed to write in a dog for that?

Emily and Hanna tail Jason to the dingy apartments, but then flee as soon as some wino spooks them. Wasteful.

Oh, and to confound Alison’s near-sightedness at lying to the police, the other Liars then decide that they need to prove their theory of Jason having attacked Alison the night she disappeared and he and Jessica spending the intervening years covering it up before they will go to the police, finally, with the truth. The true insult here is that Aria, because she’s freaking the fuck out, is the only one who would rather go to the cops right now. Don’t put me on the same side as Aria, PLL. I never asked for that.


But it’s not all bad:

It’s a decent theory, I’ll give them that. Although we, the viewers, already knew Jessica was taking a dirt nap. Better luck next time, ladies.

The juiciest part of the episode comes when Toby rocks back up in town to meet Spencer at home. Veronica is there, too, and he reveals that Melissa didn’t see him in London, and he in fact saw Wren where Melissa was meant to be staying. So not only was Melissa totally lying about why she came home, but Wren is back in the suspect game (it is his destiny). And Veronica seems pretty pissed off with her eldest daughter’s lies and attitude. Time to crush her, V.

Melissa is sadly absent from the episode (as is the rest of the anti-Alison contingent), but Mona picks up the slack. She gets cozy with Mike again, which leads to some sparring between her and a paranoid Aria. And she confronts Alison at her “grave.” Mona gets best line of the episode when she affirms her position: “I don’t have to hide. You do. And you’re gonna wish you stayed dead.” Then she takes Alison’s flower. Brutal.

Aria thinks someone/A is tormenting her about Shana by playing violin music around her bedroom and putting violin music on her iPod (Shana used to play the violin). She is embarrassed to later discover that it was simply Mike using her iPod and playing music in his room, because he’s doing an assignment that required it. It isn’t a true PLL episode without some stupidity from Aria.

Mike also got a bit hot, though. I can see why Mona is getting back into that.

For what it’s worth, Holbrook appears to clearly not believe Alison and the Liars’ kidnap claims. Go on then. Get to the truth.

Papa D seems to be a really genuine, sincere guy, who is mightily glad to have his assumed-dead daughter back. I look forward to his evolution into super villain. It’s a Dilaurentis family member tradition.

Jason may be acting weird as fuck and may have been in New York, but he seemed properly upset at the discovery of his mum’s body. I just don’t think Jason is the attempted murderer the Liars are out to prove he is. He’s too pretty for that.

The dog is cute.

Toby’s new hair is okay.

Ashley’s such a sweetheart. She feels dirty for looking through Jessica’s emails at Papa D’s request. She doesn’t want to get in the middle of a divorcing couple. She should know, too.

The email Hanna finds reads “I can’t protect you anymore.” What were you up to, Jessica?

We still don’t know the Peter/Melissa secret, and I am burning to find out.

Oh, and Jessica’s hand being above the ground means she must have tried clawing her way out. It looks like Alison must have gotten her Dilaurentis dirt gills from her father’s side of the family.

PLL Hanna rolling eyes

Don’t roll your eyes at me.

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About ijusthateeverything

Sincerity is death.

3 responses to “Pretty Little Liars Season 5 Episode 2 – TV Review”

  1. Anonymous says :

    Well go ******* you #*****

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