The Vampire Diaries Season 5 Episode 19 – TV Review
It’s the Enzo episode you’ve been waiting for.
What? You weren’t hanging out for an Enzo episode?
Yeah, tell me about it.
TL;DR Enzo finds out Maggie’s been dead since 1960 and blames Stefan; it was Damon, obv; Enzo ends up dead because he gets violent after turning his humanity switch off; Marcos’ plan comes along, but I have no fucking idea what’s going on with it; Elena and Damon manage to stay broken up for the first time since, well, breaking up.
They finally got there.
The actual plot of the season gets sequestered while Enzo goes on a futile interrogation attack on Stefan and Elena. He’s found out, thanks to the Travellers, that Maggie was murdered via decapitation in Mystic Falls in 1960. He assumes Ripper Stefan must have done it, but he and every single character completely ignores the possibility it was Damon. It was Damon. Maggie had been hunting Damon down to kill him for letting Enzo die in the Whitmore House fire, but Damon was like “Umm, I’m a vampire. Die, puny human,” and killed her. Enzo takes the news badly, and turns off his humanity switch. He tries to kidnap Elena, but Stefan fights him off. Enzo manipulates Stefan into killing him purely to cause friction for Damon and Stefan. Stefan decides to keep it a secret. Meanwhile, Marcos uses Sloan as a guinea pig (his words) to test whatever their plan to use doppelganger blood involves. He turns her into a vampire (using Tyler’s blood), makes her complete transition, then feeds her Stefan and Elena’s blood, which reverts her back to human. Something something doppelganger blood negates magic? I don’t know. Oh, and Bonnie gets some wanky subplot about how she’ll die if the Other Side comes crashing down.
Does anybody know where to hire a wrecking ball?
I think the most hilarious thing about this episode is how unimportant Elena is to the entire proceedings. She just happens to be next to Stefan when Enzo comes knocking, so Enzo ties her up and lets her be in all the scenes Stefan is in.
Elena adds absolutely nothing to the episode apart from being mildly in danger, and thus motivation for Stefan and Damon to act.
It’s like, if The Vampire Diaries was a human body, and all the characters were body parts, Elena would be the rectal prolapse: something that needs attention but provides no benefit and is really just a nuisance.
Why I hate this episode:
Elena seriously doesn’t do anything. Her only contributions to the episode are getting kidnapped when Enzo goes no-emo, which makes Stefan and Damon chase after him. Later, she is the first one Stefan tells about Enzo’s death and how they need to keep it a secret from Damon.
Which is kind of ridiculously dumb. He did exactly what Oliver did to Evie on The Originals this week: tell somebody an incriminating secret and then immediately swear them to secrecy. Unfortunately, Stefan doesn’t go full Oliver and kill her.
Stefan had already sent Damon the fake text from Enzo’s phone that said Enzo was going off to Cape Horn. He gained nothing from filling Elena in. And we know what a desperate attention whore Elena is when it comes to Damon, so do you think she’s gonna keep that secret for long?
He also pulls the same thing with Bonnie, but Bonnie would have found out Enzo was dead when he passed through her, anyway. But still.
Liv has swung all the way from duplicitous, evil bitch, to reluctant ally, to kind and caring friend. All in the space of 3 episodes. She tells Bonnie that the only thing she can do about the Other Side’s collapse is to get her affairs in order. And she gets extra brownie points when she is shown to be uncomfortable with Enzo torturing Stefan. Are you a badass bitch witch or not?
I honestly do not understand what Marcos’ plan is. His test with Sloan proves that a supernatural being who drinks both doppelgangers’ blood becomes human again. His goal is to undo the 2000 year old witch spell that prevents Travellers from congregating. Which means he has to humanify the witch who cast it? But they’d be dead, so he’s going to bring them back from the collapsing Other Side? Am I getting that right?
One thing I don’t understand about the Sloan experiment is that after she becomes human again, the neck wound she suffered during her death (to ignite her transition. Keep up) comes back. Marcos is vague about it, but shouldn’t that have been healed by being a vampire? Marcos claims that this same test will work on any vampire who stands in their way. So if he did it to, like, Stefan or Damon, would every single wound they’ve ever suffered suddenly spring back on their bodies? Am I overthinking this?
Bonnie chooses to lie to Jeremy about how everything will be okay instead of telling him she gon’ die. Rude.
Maggie was an idiot. She tried to hit Damon with a vervain syringe front-on. No shit he caught it and killed her dumb ass.
Damon also manages to decapitate a woman in the middle of a busy street with nobody noticing. Bull. Shit.
Luke is taken prisoner by Enzo to ensure Liv’s co-operation. There are 2 compelled, jock-y guys keeping him tied up, but nobody makes a gay sex joke about it. Disappointing.
Stefan is like “No, I didn’t kill Maggie,” then Enzo is like “Imma hurt Bonnie,” then Stefan immediately changes his mind and admits to it. Enzo doesn’t see that this is obviously a goddamn lie to stop him from hurting Bonnie. Jesus.
There’s a big hoo ha about how Enzo is Damon’s best/only friend in the whole world and it would fuck him up to know that he died. Oh yeah? The friend we only found out about this season and had never been mentioned before? Okay.
Enzo’s death means that he and Caroline can never be. Caroline is also absent this episode. Unbelievable.
Oh, and seriously, it took them half the fucking episode to realise that Damon is the violent, murderous brother. Are you kidding me?
But it’s not all bad:
Bonnie’s dying. But we’ve heard that before, right?
Damon’s decapitation of Maggie is pretty awesome. He lifts her up with one hand and just squeezes until her head pops off. Why couldn’t Roy have had that kind of strength when he was strangling Thea?
Sloan dies. Oddly, she doesn’t pass through Bonnie (or we don’t see it, at least).
Marcos says he’ll need a lot more doppelganger blood. If that means some torture, or even inconvenience, for Stefan and Elena, I’m happy.
Elena actually does some studying this episode.
Damon wakes up to the fact that Tyler is infected with a Passenger, and he tells everyone. Good. I didn’t want to have to put up with that shit.
Tyler also appears to be fighting off his Passenger, and is covertly getting the inside deets on Marcos and the Travellers.
Bonnie points out that Liv, who is putting on a bit of a show about being under Enzo’s duress, would be perfectly happy to see Enzo kill Elena or Stefan, because it would destroy the Travellers’ plans. Good spotting, BonBon.
Best line of the episode goes to no-emo Enzo when he gets tired of dragging hostage Elena around: “I know why Damon doesn’t wanna deal with you anymore: you don’t shut up.” Omg ikr.
Second best line also goes to Enzo when he’s making his threat against Bonnie to force Stefan to tell the supposed truth: “Are your lies worth Bonnie’s life!?” Sadly, Stefan does not reply with an emphatic “Yes!”
Enzo is heartbroken after learning Damon killed Maggie, because Damon is all he has left in the world. Fuckin’ move over Luke, Enzo provides more homoerotic shipping fodder in one scene than you have with your entire existence thus far.
Stefan shoves his fist into Enzo’s chest and clutches his heart to win their battle. Enzo shows us how amazingly dangerous turning your humanity switch off can be when he forces himself backwards, allowing Stefan to tear his heart out, just to spite Damon and Stefan. Way to commit.
Enzo, in ghost form, watches Stefan and Damon later and says something ominous about how his vendetta is just getting started. Do go on.
Oh, and I like to believe the characters are as clueless as I am with Marcos’ plan.