Glee Season 5 Episode 14 – TV Review
I was wondering what post-Mckinley Glee would look like.
TL;DR Nothing important happens at all; Blaine and Kurt face temporary friction; Sam overcomes career difficulties; Artie is mad nobody’s paying attention to him (except muggers); Rachel finds transportation convenience to be, like, so bad, you know; Mercedes arrives in town.
Keeping everyone somehow trapped in New York and constantly seeing each other? It’s just like Gossip Girl season 3 all over again.
The major plot line is probably the Kurt/Blaine one. We’re several months past the glee club’s demise, and Kurt and Blaine have been living together. Kurt soon discovers Blaine is suffocating him. Naturally, Blaine assumes Adam is trying to fuck Kurt, and has a bitch about that. They end up deciding that it’s best if Blaine moves out. Meanwhile, Artie is finding New York’s subway system to be difficult for the wheelchair-bound (despite him admitting that cabs and buses are better, he insists on using the subway because it’s authentic. Smart move). After he gets mugged, he get pissed off that nobody cares about him. Particularly Rachel, who is facing a crisis of her own: being given a 24/7 town car service by the Funny Girl people. So she gives that shit up so she can be Artie’s subway buddy. Meanwhile, Sam is finding modelling to be slow going. He gets a haircut, then books a job, and even gets some new accommodation. But then he fucks that place off because he meets a friendly chick who offers him some prescription pills. Luckily for him and Blaine, Mercedes arbitrarily moves to New York, and those 3 move in together.
Or overly circuitous writing.
The real crime here is that Santana is MIA. So we have to put up with Team Wholesome the entire time.
The only tension that isn’t complete rubbish is the Blaine/Kurt “are you fucking Adam” thing. But given that it involves Blaine, Kurt, and Adam, I’m writing that off.
Because I hate them.
Why I hate this episode:
Also, when Blaine is accusing Adam of going after Kurt, he gets very close to Adam’s face during his rant, but there is no tension-breaking kiss between them. So fucking wasteful.
The reason Kurt and Blaine are so tense is because they’re constantly spending all their time together. Blaine can thank that ridiculous NYADA acceptance for that.
Rachel’s plot line is absurd. After Artie has a shit at her about her being a self-absorbed actress, she reflects on herself and realises that having a town car is actually turning her into an alienated, inauthentic human being. By ditching it, this magically saves her and makes her a whole person again. I’m pretty sure that any person with logic that tells them that having a free, on-hand taxi is what’s ruining their life is wholly inauthentic as a human being, regardless. Honey.
Everything about Artie is selfish. He also randomly runs into his mugger again on the subway later, and gets him arrested and then gets his stolen property back. Because that happens.
While Rachel’s plot line is the stupidest, Sam’s is the most infuriating. All he has to do to land a modelling job good enough so he can move out is get a goddamn haircut. Not one to be grateful for his good fortune, though, he spends about 5 seconds in the new apartment with the other models before abandoning ship. And why? Because his roommate offered him some pills to help him model better. Instead of acting like someone with agency and a brain and saying “No, thank you,” he instantly packs up his things and runs for his life. Fuck you. You could have lived The Beautiful Life.
Much like Rachel and Kurt’s loft, Mercedes’ apartment is outrageously enormous and swanky. Well, it does have to fit Mercedes inside it, so maybe that makes sense.
Kurt and Adam have band practice without Dani. Rude.
The episode is too front-loaded with songs. Especially ones where Blaine sings.
There is too much Kurt/Blaine sex allusion.
Oh, and Mercedes squashes Sam’s attempt to have sexual tension with her. What’s the fucking point, then?
But it’s not all bad:
Funny Girl rehearsals seem to be going well.
Artie getting mugged was pretty gratifying. And the mugger was a guy on crutches. Glee is still able to occasionally grasp comedy. In between bouts of soap opera smothering.
Sam’s modelling job is for booty shaping underwear for men. Sadly, we don’t get to see him wearing them. But you never know about the future.
Best line of the episode goes to Sam, who is expressing his disenchantment with months of unemployment: “Mr Schue said we shouldn’t care what people think. We should be ourselves. What a load of crap, huh?” They finally get it.
Kurt and Blaine experiencing relationship trouble, even momentarily, is worthwhile.
Sam’s roommate was hot. And she was also named Sam. They should have milked that a bit more.
She gets second best line after rattling off her list of prescription medications, and this is apparently why she takes some of them: “I hate everything.” Soulmate.
Oh, and Sam does try to kiss Mercedes. She isn’t subtle in rejecting him.